“It’s such fun being amongst them, the kids. They’re so wonderful. One extraordinary thing, that fascinates me about the children, is their ability to wrap me around their little fingers. They use my love to manipulate me.”
I do laugh. It’s so funny to see them play. The games they play, in an attempt to get their own way, are just brilliant to observe. And the thing is, so often we don’t recognise the games for what they are, and we unwittingly get dragged in.
Like when they play one person off another. You know the situation. It’s similar to when mummy won’t give them what they want, so they talk to someone else (perhaps dad), as a way of getting around mum.
The way they can play people is extraordinary. I get caught out! It’s annoying and frustrating at the time, but on reflection, amazing and astounding how skilled and accomplished they are at playing their wilful games.
Of course, getting their own way, might be about not having to do a certain job, chore, or any task they dislike in fact. We do our best to teach them responsibility and the importance of gaining skills, independence and the ability to look after themselves.
We look to teach them about being gentle and respectful to each other; how to play nicely. Sometimes though, we do fail in conveying our message, as we once again get caught in their clever, manipulative game play.
Oh such fun! Of course, many a parent will tell you, spending too much time with the kids can be very draining. Having to calm their squabbles – when they don’t get their own way – or entertaining them with fool-play, can be very tiring. Sometimes we parents simply crave – and I do mean crave – time with the grown-ups. It can be very lonely being a parent.
“Sometimes though, no matter how much we crave for grown up conversation and interaction, it can prove very sparse.”
Other grown ups are also very busy caring for those beautiful little nippers. In fact, so busy are the grown ups, that their lives seem constantly tied up with the games of children. Many grown ups need to get pissed every night! Hey ho. So happy to have seen through that one.
It really can be very lonely being a parent, so we mustn’t forget to spend time with those who’re able to communicate, on a similar, or higher level, bringing us forward by gaining our rapt attention. We must remember to interact and stay close to those who stimulate our minds. So remember: Have no fear, spend some time, with the real grown-ups.
There’s no complication. There’s no difficulty in understanding. It’s as simple as learning our ABC, so how is it, we’re choosing to look everywhere, except learning how to solve the problem? Are we all expecting someone to save us? See previous post.
Well here’s the thing: no one is going to save us, but we can save ourselves. Here’s the reason for all the troubles of the world:
“Failure to properly love ourselves. When we fail to love ourselves we fail to love our children. Unloved children, create havoc.”
I recognise of course, that this is too simplistic for the way we’ve been taught to see causes. Even so, here’s the solution: Learn to love.
We love ourselves through applying some very simple principles. The first one involves taking personal responsibility, and not looking for someone – or something – to save us, and do all the learning and hard work for us.
The second principle involves understanding that children don’t just become a certain type of person. They become a mirror of ourselves, and if we’re currently looking to create such a world; such a mess, that it then demands rescue, we will raise children that will emulate this goal. We then have an ever increasing sense of havoc.
Take the example of Bradley in my previous post. His mother stated: “He’s such a quiet boy.” That’s where her inquiry (if it was any kind of inquiry) stopped. There’s no: “I wonder why?”
We can’t help making mistakes, yet when children are involved with the mistakes of the adults around them, they will go on to make the same, if not similar mistakes during the course of their lives. Once they have children of their own the process goes on and on.
How is it we humans seem to simply refuse to remedy the situation, and look clearly at ourselves, and how we love? Do we want the drama? Do we want the pain and confusion? How is it we refuse to grow up and take proper responsibility for loving ourselves, each other, and our children?
There is no one to rescue us. We’re on our own, and if we don’t start looking closer at the remedy, instead of everywhere but, we’re f**ked. There’s really no complication. None at all.
Do we really think that when a child fails, and makes mistakes, that it’s the child’s fault? At what point did we start believing it’s the child’s responsibility to raise itself? At what point does a child become responsible for itself? Quite simply, if the adults around the child are unable to do this, then the answer to that last question is never.
Is it science, religion or something else, that caused us to think that a child is born the way it turns out? It turns out the way we – as parents – and society mold it.
Further to this, at what point did we start thinking it’s okay to stop developing our minds when we leave school or university? To remain stunted at the point our parents had developed to emotionally? Take it from me, your parents were stunted emotionally. There is so much further for us to reach.
When will religion, and some aspects of science, recognise their responsibility, to help us understand something very simple. There is no one ‘out there’ and no drugs or procedures that will rescue or permanently fix us, other than learning to truly love ourselves and our children. If you love your children, and care about all of our futures, learn about how best to love yourself and each other. What have you got to lose? Oh yes, the games, the drama, the pain and the confusion. Sorry, my mistake.
Mistake or not I really can’t help my sarcasm. Being honest though, sarcasm is only a symptom of fear, and that is the biggest stumbling block we have to solving our problems. Most of us fear acknowledging the truth. When we do, things begin to change.
How is it we fear acknowledging the truth? Because when we see the truth we’ll have to change, and change, is so hard for man. We have established ways of living and established ways of thinking, and to deviate from what we know, seems frightening.
Remember it’s as simple as ABC, we had the courage to listen when we learned that, so what happened? Fear, that’s what happened, and certain people, of a certain age, with a certain amount of wealth, will only ever pander to this, never solving the problems.
Sometimes love tells us all to be strong. To do this, we must stop fearing Change, and grow to save ourselves.
We don’t really know what the other animals feel. When we see a female Elephant, tending its dead calf, we can’t ever know what she’s experiencing. Does she feel pain similar to the pain a human mother would feel at the death of her child? We doubt this, probably because it’s too hard for us to comprehend and accept. How would we cope with that?
We’d struggle to cope, because it’s possible to comprehend the pain, we would feel, at the loss of a child. And if animals felt this pain? What if nature was this cruel to all animals? We seem to think that because other animals don’t feel in the same way we do, that mother nature isn’t in fact as cruel to all things equally.
Mother nature might seem cruel, yet there is a gentle side to her also. She can display such beauty, all we need do, is see it. When it comes to us humans, our beauty lies in our ability to feel. Be this pain or joy our emotions are an extraordinary thing to consider. How much time do we spend considering human emotions, and in particular, the emotions of others?
I can tell you about a young boy, Bradley; I met him recently. He’s thirteen, very timid, small for his age, and very quiet. He makes a lot of mistakes and his mother doesn’t understand why. She thinks a counsellor or drugs might help. She tells me his father, who is no longer with her, used to blame him for lots of things; he even used to blame the child for the things that were going wrong in his own life; his own failings. To the boy, most things are now his fault.
“Bradley’s thirteen and he makes lots of mistakes.”
I feel for Bradley. In my past lives, I’ve been blamed, for many of the mistakes of others. What’s the expression? Oh yes … a stool pigeon: someone to blame for the errors of the world. Someone to hang for the sins of the fathers. It’s an easy burden when I see it for what it is. My burden is light, so hang it all on me, why don’t you?
And so I can sympathise with Bradley, he potentially has a shitty life ahead of him; his father is also a child, yet this doesn’t excuse his weakness. As much as possible and appropriate, I will intervene in order to lighten his load. He is a child after all. Can you feel his pain? Do you remember what it feels like to be a child?
“We need to remember if we’re to heal the wounds.”
I think about the pain there must be in losing a child. A recent story about how a beautiful little girl, four years old, was crushed under a runaway lorry; it’s brakes hadn’t been properly serviced. The owner of the haulage company, and his mechanic, have both been jailed for five and seven years respectively. Does this heal the wound? Does this make us more responsible for taking proper care? Our prisons are now full.
With all this said, it is in fact emotions that make us beautiful. The emotion I can feel when listening to a piece of music. The emotions I feel when I think of loved ones; now gone. The emotions I feel when laughing or crying or dancing or singing, are, in truth, remarkable. Pain, sadness or joy, it’s all of our emotions that make us beautiful.
We must never allow ourselves to stop feeling. There are those who’ve experienced a lifetime of blame and pain. These individuals will, in time, switch off their feelings. When we do this it’s time to die. Are we all dying because of the numbness? An unfeeling life. Are we living an un-life?
Wake and feel what it is to be a beautiful emotional being. A human being capable of such extremes of emotion and behaviour. An emotional being so embroiled in playing games of fear with each other, that we’re losing sight of the very things that matter: each other. Love each other and feel, or shrivel and die, a simple choice.
As for pinning the blame, go ahead, my burden is light. I’ll carry your cross again. א
“To begin with, a few questions that I’ll come back to later on: Do you consider yourself to have an open mind? Do you hold a fascination with how your mind works? And, what would you consider the cause of the increase in Alzheimer’s disease?”
On a personal level, from a very early age I can remember being captivated with understanding how things worked. I’m sure, to some degree, the adults around me during that time, found it quite frustrating to find me playing with toys – or whatever – for a short time, only to destroy them later on, by taking them apart in order to understand how they worked. Once I understood how something worked, I’d generally lose interest, and quickly move on.
As for moving on – once I’ve understood how something works – this has proved to be a habit, that’s pretty much stayed with me all my life, all bar one exception that is: The human mind. Humans, and their minds, continue to puzzle and fascinate me, in equal measure. What curious creatures we all are.
Why, you might ask, have I stayed interested in our minds? Ultimately the answer to that lies in a selfishly rooted motivation: I’ve wanted to understand and improve or change my own frustrations, confusion, moods, habits, behaviours and thoughts.
“Of course the motivation to do anything must be a partly selfish one; we must want something for ourselves, in order for us to then give this to others. Once shared we better understand.”
Consider a musician, does the musician learn to play an instrument for himself or for the enjoyment of others? Is the ultimate goal all about performing, feeding a hungry ego and potentially filling empty pockets? Or is the process and challenge, of learning to play an instrument, the motivation? No doubt a mixture of all these things is the recipe for success.
And so understanding the mind, and then helping others with this quest, must start with understanding our own. In terms of moving on, some find it sufficient to simply find one, or a few basic understandings, for why they’ve been experiencing difficulties in a particular area, and they then look no further. The thing to be aware of here though, is we can only take others as far as we’ve been ourselves. The farther we’ve moved our own minds on, the better able we are, to help others achieve their goals.
For me, in regard to the human mind, I feel we’ll never reach a point when it’s time to stop looking. For the more we search – for the answers to the conundrum of human consciousness, and understand the workings of our minds – the larger and more capable we all become.
Back to my opening questions. If we consider ourselves to have an open mind, we will in fact, be deluding ourselves. Unless we’ve been given the opportunity to question (and continue to question) the origins to the root of our thoughts and consciousness, our minds will never be truly open.
You may believe you’ve an open mind, yet belief alone is simply insufficient. We must be able to question the root of this belief, and that of all other beliefs, before we’re able to gain a truly open mind. For this process to begin, you will most definitely need to hold a fascination, for how your mind works.
For those of us who’re able to delve deep enough, be prepared for some interesting developments. Be prepared for the control you gain over your thoughts and experiences. Our thoughts and experiences of life, believe it or not, are all under our control. As such, it follows that once you have knowledge of your beliefs: how they influence you and your life and how you must question them in order to change them at a deeper level, you’ll gain immense control over your destiny.
Be prepared for some surprises, the biggest surprise for me is how my motivation, to do the things I do in life, has shifted. I feel no shame in disclosing, that many of the things I’ve done or achieved (and then failed at) in life, have been through fear: Fear of loss, fear of being disliked, fear of adulthood (the unknown), responsibility, commitment etc. If many more of us had clear thoughts, we’d also be able to own up to this kind of motivation: avoidance rather than pursuit.
And what about the pursuit of love? The pursuit of love-life is also something that has occupied much of my time. When I use the term ‘love-life’ what I mean here is the love of life. What must we do in order to truly fall in love with life? Is the love of life to spend most of it sitting in cars, or watching others live out their lives on television, through the drama of film or the news or whatever? No, we must reach in for the richness of love, and then outward for improved experiences and attitudes toward life.
The pursuit of pleasure is a much clearer goal now and the things that give us pleasure must no longer be based on self-centered, childish, beliefs. As adults, when we seek the pleasure gained from giving of ourselves: our knowledge and understandings; our ability to play the instrument of a finely tuned mind, we’re all in a win-win situation, falling deeper in love with life.
In answer to the third question at the top of the page, when we stop using our minds, through losing our curiosity and enthusiasm for life, we’re pretty much done. Better understanding our minds, through a modern conglomeration of concepts, is key to staving off the disease of stagnation. Use it or lose it.
It starts with understanding some very simple principles: LOVE and the development of our BELIEFS.
“Imagine the future, not the near future, or perhaps even a future a few hundred years from now, but a future thousands of years from now.”
Imagine a future where humans are capable of creating and building robots that travel to, and then terraform, distant exoplanets. Imagine a future where we see clearly, the purpose of our existence, to be the custodians of the Galaxy.
It may sound like science fiction and indeed, with the current development of the human mind as it is, fanciful science fiction at that. However there is hope.
This hope lies in the minority of us humans (in comparison to seven billion) who actually think about how they think, and are curious about their minds, and how they work.
Once an understanding – that isn’t convoluted, intellectualised or confused – that explains the simple principles, of how the mind develops, is agreed upon, we’ll be free to further develop. It starts with understanding the power and development of beliefs.
The key, will be to take this single, simple understand into schools, so that children are given the opportunity to empower themselves, through improved thinking skills.
Teaching children how to think, rather than what to think, is key in furthering our future development. Along with this development, a keen sense of purpose, must be instilled.
The current fashion, of purpose being a self-centered one, is detrimental to us all. Once every child sees the survival of all, as being dependant on survival of the individual, we will have a better sense of togetherness. Selfish never self-centered.
Selfishly gaining pleasure from actively improving ones self, with greater purpose in mind, is guaranteeing the survival of all. Self-centered purpose is simply that: self-centred fulfilment of needs, with little care for the betterment or survival of anyone, except the self. We then have no future.
If the system (the universe) has purpose, in there being as many humans as there currently is, it must be the game of quantity over quality. No other species an earth has the level of consciousness we currently hold. In addition to this, no other species seems to have such poor governing, over its numbers. There must be reason for this, or if not, we must give it one.
“The more of us there are, the greater chance of there being some, who evolve, bringing all others forward, helping our future survival.”
You can be one of these people by simply nurturing an interest in how your mind works. When you then pass this on to our children, we have the beginnings of something beautiful: The chance we will become custodians of the Galaxy, many thousands of years, from now.
The more he shouted, sending spittle flying with the outpouring of his halitosis breath, gritting his teeth for pause, all I heard and saw, was the rage and fear of man.
It’s the reason there’s so many of us, they think the antidote to fear is a f**k. It’s the reason we’re soiling the nest, they think consumerism makes us all heroes. It’s the reason we’re so angry, so fast to blame, so fast to accuse. It’s the reason we’re in denial, as ignorance is bliss. It’s the reason there’ll be no animals in the wild a thousand years from now.
I turned a raging fear into a mouse this week and all I said was: ‘you need to be gentle with me.’ We’ve forgotten the gentle child that lives within us all, the child that curls up in a ball when shouted at, and abused.
I’ll hear nothing if this continues, this shouting and abuse of my beautiful, gentle child within. You see you need to be gentle now, if not, we all just shrink away, only to be replaced with a raging sound.
From me, no one is listening. I’ve grown so tired of the bitter faces, the angry smiles, the insincerity of it all. My child cannot hear, through the defence of his shielding from the sound of this angry, consuming gone wild.
‘You need to be gentle or I won’t hear a sound.’
“Come on my son, knock him down, fight for the ball, fight to win! That’s the way!” The only wild animals, a thousand years from now, will be us.
‘You need to be gentle or I won’t hear a sound.’ א
Okay, so here we are, this is my forty second blog post (on this particular run) and as we all know, the number forty two is the meaning of life, the universe, and everything, so I suppose this had better be a good one. A good eclectic mix of thought provoking, intellectual wonderment, to tickle your fancy, give you a great big hard-on, or even a sticky gusset.
Now, from my opening gambit, you may have already gathered it’s all about the removal of certain things: inhibitions, control, fear and most importantly toxic waste.
When it comes to inhibitions, the media would have us all believe, that this is something the young have already successfully removed. From casual sex, to drunken, drug fuelled weekends of debauchery and violence. Think of Clockwork orange: a bit of the old ‘in-out’ followed by some ‘ultra-violence’ coupled with a glass of milk, laced with hallucinogenic drugs and we’ve cracked it for a great weekend.
In fact, what better way, to remove all the fear and horrors we seem to be living through at the moment. Although ‘at the moment’ could really be generalised into ‘at the moment of human habitation on planet earth.’
The media would really have us believe we’re a bunch of de-evolving – soon to be monkeys – running out of bananas because we’ve chopped all the trees down wouldn’t they? Is it not monkeys that jump from tree to tree having casual sex with each other, occasionally exhibiting violent behaviour? Well yes it is, and so what? It’s certainly looks like great fun!
“We can never control a human with the fear he may have known all his life, because the impulse we feed, becomes the predominant force.”
If we feel angry, violent and/or horny, only to feed this with angry, violent and/or sexual images, do we then feel less of these emotions, or do we create addiction, and as such, the need for more? Toxic waste.
As it happens, (no apologies for sounding a little like jimmy so-vile there) much of the problems we’re currently experiencing, are the product of the constraints we place on ourselves and the resulting emotional repression. From a dysfunctional mother-son relationship (so-vile) to a gun toting maniac (terrorists), for us humans to control our natural drives and instincts (sex and violence etc.) we must push down and repress so much energy – mental or otherwise – that it’s similar to keeping an over-pressurised bottle corked. In time, it’s gonna pop. And pop is something the repressed human does time and time again. Just don’t give the bastard a gun, I say.
“When we control the human mind with fear, repression, is the result.”
The solution to curing us humans, of the need for ultra-violence, drugs and casual sex, will never be control through fear. So here’s something for us all to ponder on: there is no need for control when we love. In other words, when we’re raised, to have self-respect and love of our self, control isn’t the name of the game at all, love is.
“When it comes to love there is no cork – or screw cap for that matter – because there is no pressure to contain within the child who is understood with compassion and love.”
It may seem like an oversimplification to state that love is the antidote, however, wanting to f**k, shoot and/or control every other human being we meet, is not our natural instinct. There are those who would like you to believe this to be the case, and as such, be warned: it’s those of us who teach this fear, and who are constantly looking to dehumanise us, that are toxic to our future existence. Much of the media, and it’s current fashion of churnalism, are toxic to our future.
And so there we have it, #42. A beautiful number when we give it a value, so let’s do that now: the value of number forty two is love, or written another way: the meaning of life, the universe, and everything, is love.
Over simplification or not, when we’re raised with love, proper boundaries, care and compassion, control over natural instincts becomes irrelevant, because our natural instinct, is love. Believe this, feed this, and remove the toxic waste from your life. It’s time to evolve, whether those who would prefer we stayed stuck, like it, or not.
For some, there’s a simple solution to inequality. It goes like this: If you’re poor, suffering and underprivileged, held at the merciless hands of inequality, simply change your thinking.
When it comes to thinking, you could say Siddhartha Gautama (the Buddha) came up with a fabulous solution to inequality, poverty, and the suffering this brings. Buddhism states: Suffering is the process of grasping for pleasure and comfort, and because this is only ever fleeting, we suffer due to the constant need to grasp for it over and over again.
The only issue I have with this, even if it were possible for us all to adopt the same belief system, is that it’s impossible for all of us to live in monasteries – gathering alms on a daily basis – even if we wanted to. The main reason, we might not want to live as Buddhists, is its similarity to being half-dead. Just an opinion you understand.
“The beliefs of Buddhism do hold part of the solution to inequality, the other parts depend on our ability to adapt, and change our current thinking.”
So the solution cannot depend entirely on a belief system that controlling menhave developed into a religion, it depends on a meld of beliefs and understandings; a formula if you will.
The first understanding comes from nature itself. Does nature (the universe) promote equality or is inequality within the natural scheme of things? One thing’s for certain, when we acknowledge that inequality is simply the necessary counterpart to equality (we can’t have one without the other) we empower ourselves to change. In other words, acceptance, can lead to removing the limitations of entitlement, martyrdom and charity.
Charity, is a subtle method, for the further disempowerment of the underprivileged: we remain in control and powerful at our, and their, expense. We pay for our power over them, they pay for our power over them.
That said, if you’re feeling charitable, why not contribute to a school that teaches leadership skills in underdeveloped countries. Why not indeed, however, you may need to look long and hard to find that particular school.
Entitlement and martyrdom are simply a product of the underdeveloped mind. Show people the limitations of these things and you empower them to change – unfortunately we’re now back to that non-existent school.
We choose how we feel about our lot in life. We also choose whether or not we escape poverty and inequality through seeking the necessary tools and information. If those tools and information aren’t readily available, you’ll need to look harder. Sound tough? You bet, it’s a violent universe my friends, violent indeed.
Part of the solution? Global access to accurate information.
Young minds search. They seek relentlessly for some identity. A young mind wants to know what and who it is. The young mind wants to know how to behave, what to do, how to be.
Think of a young boy. An impressionable new mind seeking guidance. Do you think this new, young mind, automatically knows how to be and how to act? Or do you imagine he will be seeking some guidelines, some order and structure?
Many animals of the world, us included, follow and mimic the animals around them. The void, of the young boy’s mind, is to be filled with what gets him closer to his mother and father: those that keep him safe. When the child is within a stable family environment, he sees father in love with mother, and wants his mother to love him also. As such, he becomes his father, so mother will love him more.
“If your relationship with his mother fails, never lie, about your mistakes.”
Whether his father is a good man or not, is irrelevant, he’ll model himself on what he sees. If his father is a gangster and his mother loves him for it, he will become a gangster, in one form or another, when grown. The main issue, you may have with acknowledging this, is the responsibility it brings. Be a man and acknowledge your responsibility.
As a father your first step must be to become more self-aware. This is simple. Just notice what you like, or dislike in others, and know, this is you. All others are simply a mirror of ourselves. So, in order to become more self-aware and a better person in the process, all we need do, is get to know others. As many people as possible, so open up, your social circle.
Now, to love your son – and there are benefits to this your own father may not have been able to teach you – be a beautiful role model.
Be meek, in terms of understanding your anger and frustrations.
Be gentle, in terms of how you treat your wife.
Know boundaries, in terms of your time, and that of others.
Give of yourself, in terms of how much, you play with your son.
Learn how to think, in terms of cause and effect, and then teach this your son.
Be grown in terms of becoming emotionally mature.
Find contentment, in terms of accepting your responsibilities.
Above all, show your son what it is to be a good person; a good man. Be strong, patient and empathic and learn how to love yourself, because if you can’t do that (he will know), you’ll be failing at loving your son.
If you want to be a good man, and help us all improve this world, be responsible, and love your son. Are you happy for him to become who you are right now? If not, change, it’s your duty. Simple.
You can sort of understand the need for a gun. There are those who believe a gun is empowering. The problem, with empowering somebody else with a gun though, is that they might just shoot you with it.
Okay, so how about we find a different way to empower people. Let’s say we educate them. That’s empowerment isn’t it? I suppose you could go down the same line with that and see the potential pitfalls: it really does depend on what information you’re educating them with. Teach someone how to make a bomb and… well… I reckon you know where I’m going with that.
“So what do we teach, and more importantly, how do we teach it?”
A very recent experience taught me something very interesting. You may be a parent, or if not, there stands a good chance you’ll be one in the future. One thing you’ll experience, if you haven’t already, is the often amusing way we adults empower children.
For example, imagine giving a child the role of being in charge – let’s say you play a game of shop – and in order to empower the child, you give her the role of manager. Now, watch how eagerly the child takes on this role, and how effortlessly she begins to boss you around; giving you orders and jobs to do. Great fun, and certainly a very useful way to establish leadership potential (and oh boy, are you going to have a fun journey, if that’s the case).
And so, in terms of my recent experience, things were a little different, in that the person I empowered, was in fact 32. As such it did backfire slightly (until I understood it with hindsight that is) in that the person I empowered was a colleague – of equal standing – who started to treat me (20 years her senior) as a subordinate by acting in a ridiculously bossy manner, giving me orders etc., in much the same way as our playacting child.
“Luckily, as confrontation isn’t my style, we didn’t come to blows, and thankfully hindsight has shown me, my habit of empowering people, does occasionally catch me unawares.”
In a sense, in that moment in time, it felt a little like our earlier scenario where we gave someone a gun – to empower them – and all they did was shoot us with it. However, hindsight enlightened me, in terms of how I’d empowered my colleague, and so feeling annoyed over her inappropriate behaviour was only a temporary state.
So here’s the long and the short of the lesson: we must be cautious with who and how we choose to empower. When we’re playing with a child, testing for leadership qualities, all is well. When we’re doing the same thing with adult-children, that really is a different kettle of fish, unless of course, you’re sufficiently armed with empathy and patience… oh and let’s not forget, a good old fashioned dose, of love.
When did it become okay for teachers, doctors, nurses, police, social workers etc. to become the parents of our children? When was the responsibility of parenting handed over? It is most definitely inappropriate for this to be happening.
Why are we having children when all we want to do is go to work, live our lives, and have fun? Are we ever going to understand, handing over the responsibilities of parenting to the authorities, is a recipe for disaster?
“When parents fail at their responsibilities to care and protect our children, society begins to break down, and this happens from the very foundations up.”
Whether we like it or not, throughout our lives – or at the bare minimum childhood – we humans, need structure and guidance. Without this we become lost and directionless. Is chaos beginning to find its way into a misguided and unstructured society? Because when we’re chaotic, unstructured and unevolved, fear becomes the prevalent force.
The methods we then use, to combat fear and disorder, are the things we have at our instant disposal: money, consumerism, drugs etc. We are then, of course, only exacerbating the problem. Anything easily to hand, that eases our fear, will be utilised. This may include sex, and as all adults should know – yet are failing to inform the children – when we have unprotected sex, we may, either catch and transmit a virus, and/or get pregnant, and so the cycle goes on. Children raising children.
The danger, of then handing on the responsibility of raising and educating children to government, is that we become a little like farmyard animals. Fodder for the elite to feed off.
It’s never been the job of government to parent us, its job, is to govern. The welfare state has become a little confused – or have they? This potential confusion does need addressing. It doesn’t start with classes on parenting, or even classes on relationships. It starts with understand one simple principle:
“If we, as individuals, continue to fail, in taking responsibility for ourselves and children, someone else will do this for us. That someone then has control over us.”
Believe it or not, this is already happening, and yet there seems to be only a small number of people, who are able to read/hear/see the signs.
Are you one of those people, or are you contented, fodder?
And here we all are, believing, we’re free. Fools, all of us. We must take back our freedom by taking responsibility for ourselves and our children, or are you a contented, drunken, slave?
“There’s talk of extra funding. There’s talk of extra support. There’s talk of extra resources. There’s talk.”
The sickness in our societies cannot be cured with money, support, good will or even an abundance of resources. As long as the root of the issue is not addressed, we’ll only ever stem the tide of our sickness. The root of our sickness is ignorance.
So when we’re told by our leaders about the money, the resources and the support, they know this is no cure. They’re not claiming it’s a cure, however they are trying to win favour, by suggesting they’ll care for us with money, resources and promises. Who wouldn’t buy into being cared for? Who wouldn’t buy into someone taking the responsibilities of life out of their hands?
The major issue here is, we’re all being distracted, even the leaders themselves, are being distracted by their solutions. Government don’t know what to do about the sickness; the drugs, the prostitution, the debt, the anger, the pain, the mental illness and homelessness. Mostly they don’t know (or don’t want to know) what to do about the ignorance. If they did, they’d be properly empowering us to change, and yet the problem there is, if we did that, we’d need them less.
Our government needs repeat business. In other words, they need us to remain unwell. By this process they need to make us aware of how the National Health Service (NHS) is crumbling under the strain. They’re then able to tell us how hard they’re working to make this right. They then remind us of how much we need them, and their system, to care for us. They’re not empowering us, with their system of care, they’re keeping us stuck.
“Government could cure our sickness through tackling the root of the problem.”
So why aren’t they? Why aren’t they telling us the truth? They’re unable to tell us where we’re going wrong, not because they don’t know, but because they’re frightened of the truth, and what it would mean to them. They’re not helping us with the cure, because they’re terrified of what changes this would bring.
Show me an adult that’s addicted to drugs, or prostituting themselves, or mentally ill that has come from a warm, loving and stable childhood. The government will no doubt be able to find me numerous examples of this. We could all find examples of this if we looked hard enough.
Are we unable to see through the lies that protect us and shield us from our shame and ignorance. There is no shame when we understand and acknowledge the following:
“We’re failing to love each other because we’ve forgotten how.”
We’re constantly being reminded to forget, because loving, warm and secure families, do not create repeat business for government. It’s not in the interests of the elite few that we should know the truth. We’re being distracted from the real issue, because government is protecting us from our own shame and lies. Why? Because they need us to keep them in power. Would you vote for someone who told you the truth?
“Do you consider yourself one of the beautiful people? Do you have all the luck, all the money, all the physical attributes, all the opportunities? Or do you wish things were different?”
At times we find ourselves thinking: “oh if only I had this or that, everything would be okay” or “if only I had the right person in my life everything would be different”.
And yet we know deep down that no matter what we have, or who we are presently experiencing in our lives, wishing things to be different won’t make it so. Ultimately, we’re the ones solely responsible for making changes in our lives, and finding that magic formula for happiness.
“When it comes to relationships who we welcome into our lives is, more often than not, driven by impulses that are beyond our conscious awareness. Why we find ourselves attracted to the people we do is something that depends on many factors, and unfortunately, very few of these factors are something we consciously control.”
In regard to the formula for happiness, the statement: “if only I had the right person in my life everything would be different” is an important one. You may have luck, money, good fortune, and yet without the right person to share this with, it’s pretty much worthless. In fact it can take having the right person in your life to instigate luck and good fortune in the first place. Love can be the catalyst to many beautiful things.
A very important consideration, that assists us with the discovery of the happiness formula, is learning the ability to make ourselves aware of how we continue to choose and welcome the wrong people into our lives.
“We humans do have a tendency to mimic the actions and behaviour of who we have chosen to model ourselves on.”
Consider how the adults around you behaved when you were young. Consider what kind of relationships you witnessed, and therefore, how you first learned about how adults interact. Provided we choose to change and advance things can, and will, be very different.
“As time moves forward, much of what we do becomes unconscious and unthinking, and this includes how we behave within our relationships.”
Spending time on ourselves learning about how we may be unconsciously creating our own difficulties, by welcoming the wrong people into our lives, is the way to break free from old patterns of thought and behaviour.
It’s my belief that we all have something beautiful deep inside us that has nothing to do with luck, good fortune or outward appearance. Once shown how to tap into this resource the magic formula of happiness is complete. With the knowledge of what this beautiful thing is, deep within, wishing becomes obsolete.
For one it’s the uniqueness of us we must get hold of. When we stop fulfilling the things we believe about ourselves, that limit our outlook on life, and our ability to strive forward without wishful thinking, we become what we have been all along – a beautiful and happy person – the deeper essence of you.
You may have seen the film 50 First Dates. I though it was a beautiful film. If you’ve not seen it, and you’re curious, you can read about it here
“Imagine for a moment what it would feel like to wake up every morning with no past (and as such, no future) and only the now moment. You have some very well defined understandings of life, and what you’re supposed to be doing with it, and yet the past has no influence on today, whatsoever. What would you do?”
In addition, imagine having no sense of self. In other words, imagine how it would feel to have no sense of an identity whatsoever. The only identity you’d be able to give yourself, is what you’re actually doing, in any one given moment. For example, if you’re currently drinking a class of water, and someone were to ask you, who you are? All you’d be able to tell them is this: drinking a class of water.
“Beg pardon, I asked you, who are you?”
“That’s right and I repeat my response: drinking a class of water”
“Take a moment … remember, you’re imagining there is no I. No such thing as an I in you. You have no identity, all you know is you’re alive, conscious and there’s someone asking you a silly question.”
In fact, so clear are you on this concept – of there being no I – that anyone meeting you, would have no clue whatsoever, of how to take you. They’d fail to work you out, and only succeed in transferring who they are, on to you. You have no I so no one can ever know who you truly are. Make sense? Can you imagine this? Well here’s the bastard of it all: that’s you that is.
In other words – and this will really bake your cookie – it truly is impossible for anyone to ever know any other human being, because all that you and they are, doesn’t in fact exist at all in any testable reality. It’s only ever a projection of what you believe you and they are. A belief is not a true reality, it’s only a belief, and beliefs, whether you believe it or not, escape reality.
The reality is you’ll never know who you, or I truly are. There is no I.
To make this clearer. Answer this question: Who are you?
You’ll no doubt have answered with: I’m Fred or Tony or Michael or Sarah or whatever and so this is not actually telling me who you are. All you’ve done is tell me your name. In fact it’s impossible for you to tell me who you are, because who, doesn’t exist. You can tell me your name, what you do, what you like etc. and yet you’ll never be able to explain to me who you actually are.
Perhaps, the way to play it smart though, is to answer with this: I am the sum total of my beliefs.
Cleaver? No, not really, because you weren’t born believing who you are, so to say: I am, is in fact to say: they are. You and your beliefs came from circumstances and those beliefs of others. In other words, life taught you who, yet life, is your past. Forget your past and where does this place you?
In a beautiful place full of opportunity and choice. So remember to forget now. Who did you say you are?
“It’s not love that hurts, it’s loss or fear or guilt that creates this pain. We must never fear loving people for the pain we believe it may create.”
Take for example the guilt, pain and loss that’s caused through infidelity. When our partner is unfaithful we must never confuse the pain we feel as love. It’s the loss of our illusions that hurts.
Alternatively, if it’s us that have been unfaithful – and guilty because of this – we must make ourselves aware: an understanding of love is ultimately what we were seeking through our infidelity. We’re all constantly seeking to understand, when we understand it, we have it for ourselves; we find it within ourselves.
We are healed by love, never through recrimination, revenge or anger. If you click on the above image you’ll be taken to a very powerful, emotive song. ‘Love is torture makes me more sure’ is a powerful lyric, and yet the torture we experience, is our confusion of love.
You might think: ‘It’s just a lyric in a song man’ and if you do, hold on, because you’ll be underestimating the power of music.
Music is an expression of the human soul. Why do you think we hold musical artists in such high regard? Listen, and it’ll become clear who Paloma Faith loves: the people who’ve empowered her.
Youth and inexperience are the main culprits for painful relationships. When we understand that love is empowerment, we’ll be able to make some very useful decisions, well before the pain of losing illusions is experienced. We’ll not be setting up the illusions in the first place.
“When you truly love someone, all you’ll ever want to do, is empower them.”
Manipulation, control and gameplay are all there when we fear. Fear is in direct opposition to love. For clarity, hear this: when we look to care for another adult – because we believe we love them – we’re making a mistake. Caring and empowerment are two very different things.
“To love a child is to provide the most appropriate care and attention, to love an adult, is to empower them. We do this through loving and respecting ourselves as fully grown individuals.”
You may of seen or heard of those people who enable morbidly obese people through cooking copious amounts of unhealthy food for them. Or perhaps you’ve heard of those who buy drugs, (alcohol or whatever) for others, in the belief they’re helping and caring for them. This kind of enablement is created through fear, confusion of love, weakness and guilt. So often we keep our fellow adults stuck through caring for them in the belief we love them through caring.
“Teaching a fellow adult how to be a responsible, guilt free, whole human being, is to empower and love them.”
Love is empowerment, and as such an expression of love, is an act that’s free of guilt, fear and control. Consider the church and its leaders. They believe they love us, when in fact all they’re doing, is disempower and controlling us through their antiquated teachings and beliefs. Treat people like they’re fools and what will you get?
“The continuation of archaic beliefs keeps the mind stagnant.”
We can set ourselves free by washing our hands of antiquated ideals, teachings and confusion. Literally, go and wash your hands now, you no longer need the past, there is only now.
“Now we can understand: if you love someone, all you’ll ever want to do, is empower them, all the other nonsense is illusion created through fear.”
If you enjoy drama and the soap operas of life, you’ll no doubt be disappointed right now, however, when we remove all the childish nonsense from life, there are so many beautiful, imaginative and loving things we can be better getting on with – right now.