Greater Purpose? Understand your mind.

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If we all put our minds to it, having the same purpose as this man, would be easy. What he did, was to engage with life, caring about what needed to change.

It’s a depressing thought really isn’t it? The thought that there really isn’t any greater purpose to all this. That all there is for us to do, is grow, consume, sleep, work, retire, have fun, procreate and finally die. Hold on though, what exactly, is so bad about that?

Some say work is the most important aspect, especially if you understand the ‘work-is-love-made-visible’ thing. Not that many of us actually enjoy our work though, let alone love it to the point it’s making this love, visible. The key of course, is to do something you love, and then find a way to make money at it. Blah, blah, blah, be cautious of trickery my friends, the real key, is to learn to love what you’re doing right now. If you can’t do that, the rest will follow.

Others will say the point is family, children, love, wives, husbands, loving homes and all that. For happiness, simply enjoying good food and a healthy lifestyle is sufficient for many. These people can go through their whole lives, engaging in these simple things, proving it to be enough.

“Here, no doubt, is the main point: engaging with life. It’s surprising how many don’t.”

Depression is said to be on the increase as a world-wide phenomena. What can we put this down to? Lack of direction? Lack of purpose? Poverty? Inequality? Confusion? Perhaps many of us have forgotten what the point actually is. If we’re truly engaged with life and all it encompasses – the pain and the pleasure – how can we be depressed? Is it not the case, when we really take all the bullshit out of this illness, it can boil down to a lack of interest and inability to see the importance of change.

And so, in contrast to being stuck and depressed, what if we adopted a habit of doing things at random – losing the fear of the consequences – would depression have room to thrive? If we’re depressed, and doing things at random, that potentially jeopardise our safety, the outcome may be discomfort, unhappiness and even death. So what? Anything is better than depression. Compared to depression, discomfort and unhappiness are often short lived, and may well be the cure.

From my own experience I can remember a time when I was so confused and depressed, that I could barely get out of bed in the mornings. The remedy to my confusion, and subsequent depression, was to run away. That’s right, and that’s exactly what I did, and the day I put a rucksack on, with all my worldly possessions inside, was the very day my depression lifted. The confusion, that had been keeping me stuck, changed to purpose.

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Confusion of depression changed to purpose

“My intention, at the time, was to walk along the coast of England, and if nothing came about, to improve my situation, I’d decided throwing myself of a cliff would end the misery.”

That last part obviously hasn’t happened, just yet, because change was the component that improved my life. In many respects my situation actually worsened, however, it was the will to live, and my unending belief and optimism that something always happens, that kept me going. And if I ever reach that (inevitable) stage again? Well, I know depression and random change are not bed buddies, so will no doubt just do a f**king runner again, so what? It’s more of a life than most.

All this shit we burden ourselves with; the chains we shackle ourselves with; it’s total insanity, and we’re all able to see this, provided we learn how to step back, from the place we’re currently in. We must remove fear to do this.

When it came to moving on, for me, it was most certainly a desperate act. The alternative is to plan. Don’t just throw a rucksack on, plan ahead. Get a job with a national company and relocate with them. Save up and have a plan to start a small business somewhere other than where you currently are. If it fails, so what? What exactly do you have to lose except the shackles of a programmed life. A life set out for you by others. Perhaps disappointment, at not reaching the goals set out by others, is the cause of your depression.

When you really understand your mind, how you think and why you do the things you do, boy! You’ll understand how you’re simply following a plan set out for you by others. You think it’s your plan? Wrong. It is not. And if depression is the problem, remove the fear, and move on. Depressed is to be part dead, a fate worse than death itself. You have nothing to lose, and believe me, once you’ve moved on, the weight lifted from your shoulders, will be liberating.

The stuff you own, and the things you worry about leaving behind, are the things that are perpetuating your depression. They don’t matter, what matters is you, and your health.

The point? Life. That’s the point.

When the Fear is just too Great

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If the roots to your life are love.

“This morning I read a story about a young lad, who, in order to ‘put food on the table,’ as his mother put it, he’s risking his life. He risks his life through gaining access to the roofs of tall buildings (the latest was Canary Warf in London) and then taking selfies of himself whilst in a daredevil pose.”

Fair enough you might say, it’s his life to risk, after all. It does though, seem of little concern to him and his mother, who it will be, that gets to clear up the mess off the pavement when he does eventually hit the ground at high velocity – think rotten tomatoes.

Definitely a job to avoid. And all for going viral on social media and selling a few t-shirts. Some consider him brave and some foolish. I personally don’t give a shit, provided he doesn’t land on me, or someone I love on his way down. Never mind the trauma likely to be experienced by those left behind, through either clearing up the mess literally, or emotionally.

“Many people are following him under the ghoulish hope he’ll die in some horrible fashion in the future, and of course this, clearly depends on how often he risks his life, and by how foolish or brave he decides to become.”

It is after all, a decision, all be it a decision made by a misguided, foolish young man. I say misguided, as there was no sign of a father in the piece I read this morning. A grown man would never risk his life in this way.

So to my point. Fear: it serves a useful purpose. It keeps us from harm and from taking unnecessary risks. We must respect this necessary emotion for what it is. Those who are able to override their fear, in order to risk their lives, may be considered hero’s by some, and yet, I do need to ask: why? Why would you need to risk your precious life? For the betterment of mankind, or simply for a buzz, or the notoriety our ego craves?

There are times when fear can be a hindrance. On such occasions, I would be the first to encourage and empower someone to break free, provided there was no risk to life. Our young lad in question is not overcoming fear, he’s seeking love, and potentially from the person who wasn’t able to talk him out of his latest stunt. In fact the more she tried to talk him down, so to speak, the more determined he no doubt became, to act in a reckless fashion.

The goal? Love and Attention. A sense of real love and attention from those he longs to gain it from: his parents. To love this child, is not to try and talk him out of risking his life, it’s to love him so much – from day one – that he would never ever risk it, to begin with.

Why would you risk a life that’s loved?

Charity: From the Inside Out

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See the Roots

It’s the way it works.

Whether we like it or not, it’s the only way to change what’s happening for us.

Take the example of the father who’s training for a charity run in aid of cancer research. His daughter died young from cancer, and so now he carries so much survivor guilt, he’s getting fit and going on a long run. We can’t run from our guilt, just as we’ll never be able to raise, and give away enough cash, to be rid of it for good. The only way we remove guilt is through understanding it.

Sometimes people die young, the reason they die young, is because ‘sometimes people die young.’ To talk of a ‘lost life,’ if death comes early, is in fact nonsensical. When we do this we’re assuming that life is somehow a right and we’re also assuming that a person’s life should be naturally long.

“To think of a life lost we must create an imagined future – ‘they had their whole lives ahead of them!’ – well no, they didn’t actually.”

When someone dies, whatever their age, what determines natural causes? How is it we don’t consider a random mutation, that then goes on to form cancer cells, as natural? Is it not the case that random events are a natural process?

“When we stop fearing death, spend time with our minds in the present moment, and live everyday to its fullest, then we’re free. We’re free of those who would, and are, taking advantage of our fear.”

Let me go further. Let’s say you believed that flying was dangerous. Now, if you believed this to be the case, would you then spend a lot of time in the air, or would you avoid ever flying? Most people who fly are unlikely to believe it’s a dangerous activity. They may consider it an unnatural activity, for a human, but not actually believe it’s any more dangerous than crossing the road. So it’s true to say, and although strictly speaking incorrect, the belief: flying is dangerous, is likely to keep you firmly on the ground.

To go even further, let’s say you lacked the acknowledgement that flying is an unnatural thing for a human to do. To add to this, how about if your passion was flying, and you actually believed that flying was the most natural thing in the world? If this were the case you’d quite possibly spend a lot of time in the air – either through paragliding, ballooning or whatever –  and so does this then increase the odds of you dying through an air accident? Of course it does; it increases the chances of dying through a random event or accidental failure. And so dying in this way, (hitting the ground at high velocity) is it not something we could consider, a natural cause? A natural consequence to spending a lot of time airborne.

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Safe for Some

We can follow this logic in the same way with cancer. The more humans there are, the greater chance of random events, killing us. Cancer in children happens through random mutations, so the more children we have, the greater chance of this happening. Even though feeling guilt, over the death of a youngster when we’ve survived, is understandable, in this instance, it’s misplaced.

“Charity begins with understanding ourselves from within.”

Understanding the reasons, for so much of the suffering and inequality in the world, is far more productive than the charity of giving money. No matter how much money we throw at problems, or as a means of ridding ourselves of guilt, it will never be the cure. If anything, charity can carry the side effects of keeping people stuck through dependence, or compounding worthlessness and limiting beliefs in those who receive our charitable hand-outs.

“The root is always the thing to tackle.”

Every good gardener will tell you, it’s no good looking to simply snip of the leaves or shoots, from the weed. To be truly free from the problem you must tackle it at the root. In the same way, we humans, must stop looking to cure our problems by treating the symptoms only. I cannot guess when this started to be the fashion (big money earner, whoops, did I just say that out loud?) yet we must stop running around in circles, wasting the time and energy, that could be far better placed, tackling the root of our problems.

Learn to fly.

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Buddhism: Is this the Answer to Inequality, Poverty, and Injustice?

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“If you’ve ever reached a point in your life, where you seem unable to find the solution, to calming your reactions to the everyday struggles of life, you may find yourself turning to Buddhism.”

The reason I say this, is because the belief systems associated with Buddhism, and its many divisions, give us all an excuse, or reason, to simply cease the struggle and quest to reach for greater meaning to our lives. If we’re to seek greatness, and leave some kind of legacy for the benefit of humanity, Buddhism must be rejected, just as Buddhism seems to reject humanity itself.

Non-attainment, non-attachment, the belief in ‘emptiness’ – that we have no identity and are simply all as one with no individuality – that life is suffering, due to our constant craving for more stimulation and more of the things that make us feel, are all within the remit of Buddhism. As such, the often seen images of laughing Buddhists, are a contradiction in themselves. Laughter is an antidote to guilt and fear, emotions the successful Buddhist, would never carry.

There are many contradictions throughout life if we look for them. It could be said, any good philosopher is likely to be filled with contradictions, as this is due process to his craft, as such, contradictions can be beneficial to some. However, when a belief system claims to be the path to Nirvana (death and freedom from suffering), or in the case of Christianity, Heaven (something better than life) is filled with contradictions, the only word that comes to mind is hypocrisy. And once we see hypocrisy, this is reason enough, to dismiss it, entirely.

“If we’re not very cautious, the need to escape struggles, and find greater meaning, becomes the need to escape life and our humanity altogether.”

Frustration is a necessary means to seek the solution. Without the emotion of frustration we will fail to advance. Without wanting to free our minds from our negative emotions: frustration, or fear, or guilt, for that matter, we simply fail to want betterment. To just exist for the sake of existing; to just wake everyday, eat, work and then sleep, is to be half dead. If we fail to feel – even if these feelings are considered negative – we fail to advance.

“I cannot imagine for a moment, if all of humanity were to adopt the beliefs of Buddhism, or any spiritual ‘way’ or ‘path,’ for that matter, that we’d advance beyond the death of our star.”

We may have been born here, yet I refuse to believe, we’re meant to die here. I believe we must strive to understand our minds better – in terms of the need for our emotions – rather than look to be less of a human through believing life is suffering.

We may suffer for a short while, until we realise, that suffering, is in fact, a choice. We choose to seek the solutions, because we suffer, without suffering, we’re nothing. It is simply unacceptable to say the solution to feeling frustration is to remove it by ceasing betterment. 

It may seem an odd interpretation (that there is purpose to suffering) however it’s a similar situation to the child who has little control over their emotions. From moment to moment they seem to shift: happy and giggling one moment, crying and screaming the next. It’s our job, as adults, to help the children temper and tame their unruly emotions. We do this through better understanding their purpose. For example, if we fail to be angry, at the injustice and inequality in the world, we fail to change it.

With this said:

“The elite are likely to be very happy with Buddhist beliefs because it excuses their inability, or unwillingness, to do anything truly constructive about inequality and injustice. To encourage spiritual ‘ways,’ I feel, is to fail. This relates to my revulsion to sentimentality: it helps no one.”

The availability of modern medicine, clean water and good education, will never become a global phenomena, when we continue to encourage charity and sentimentality. The belief systems that seek a solution to poverty and inequality, by simply rejecting our humanity, are just as ineffective in the long term.

Alternatively, encouraging the adoption of belief systems, that give us all purpose to strive onward, and indeed upward, are the solutions to encouraging advancement.

We will never achieve true greatness when there are parts of the world where people remain with limited access to clean drinking water, or modern medicines, or where billions are trapped, living in abject poverty, with a fortunate few having control over all the wealth. We must see this as unacceptable.

“We will never have true greatness when we fail to follow good examples of leadership.”

We will never have true greatness, whilst parents continue to believe it’s okay to have lackadaisical attitudes, to their responsibilities, to a fellow human being. Inequality continues to exist when we fail to feel and empathise in a constructive way.

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Once we’re all consciously aware of our real, meaningful purpose (to improve the quality of life for all and to become the masters of our minds and environment), our first objective must be equality. Without this we continue to carry the limiting guilt associated. We could all just laugh about it though, and then carry on as normal. Or better still, watch a sentimental documentary or news report, and be guilted into giving some cash to charity.

“You see, guilt, as with anger, can be used in a positive, constructive way when we better understand it.”

Charity is in direct opposition to equality and will only ever be a short term fix to our guilt. Properly understand the purpose of our emotions, and we make permanent, constructive changes. Reject that which rejects your humanity.

Understand Confusion

The Insanity of Confusion

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Understand by Taking out the Con-fusion.

This is a subject I’ve written about before, yet feel it so important, that returning to it once again, has become a necessity.

“It’s almost as if confusion is the goal, and I find this interpretation, terrifying.”

Over the last ten years of my life, the direction in which I’ve been headed, has shifted and changed many times. The main reason for this has been uncertainty – of the best route to follow – and so testing, or tasting the flavour, of each potential direction, has been important.

This differs in some respects to being, and remaining, in a state of uncertainty or confusion. Total confusion is a feeling I have experienced. During absolute confusion the mind loses itself, for a short time, until something forms for the mind to grab hold of. A clear concept or idea, that the mind can hold to, takes us out of confusion.

Let’s use the following example. Imagine being on the phone with an insurance agent. This insurance agent is considered to be the most successful salesman in the customer-service-telesales office. His technique is to confuse. He offers the customer so many different options and delivers these options, and his questions, in a rapid quick-fire manner.

So confused are his customers, after a five minute, mostly one-way conversation, that they’d swear an allegiance to Donald-gamesmaster-Trump, and give vast amounts of their cash for a shit insurance policy, to boot. In fact, confusion – in a controlled, clinical environment – is a phenomena well understood by the skilled Hypnotherapist, who uses it to induce a hypnotic state, to then instill positive suggestions for change!

“This differs greatly to the confusion generated by a skilled insurance agent.”

Once our salesman has confused and bamboozled us sufficiently, he then presents us with an option, that isn’t necessarily for our benefit, or anything to do with our better good, but is only for his benefit through upping the size of his monthly bonus. The confused and tired mind blindly accepts.

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When the general public are confused – and potentially confused out of living their lives to the full, and spending money wisely – the overall effect is control. When we neither know whether we’re coming or going, so to speak, the end result is often to simply do nothing, or worst still, just follow any option for a quiet life. Some of us are so confused we’re disempowered to the point of submission to the powers that be.

“If you don’t have control over your mind, someone else will.”    

A submissive, confused society, is the ideal society to govern as they’ll pretty much accept any decisions made, simply for a quiet life. How tired and confused are we at receiving the conflicting messages we currently do?

Spend time in a supermarket, clothes shop or even a bed showroom and notice the confusing amount of choice. When confronted by so much choice what do we do? Do we make a wise decision, or one that gets us out of a confusing and uncomfortable situation?

Too many options and confusing conflicting advice is detrimental to our health. Ask yourself this: what is the outcome to constant, tiring confusion? Compliance? You bet it is.

When we take the time to simplify our lives, looking back, we can clearly see the state of confusion most people are in. As a species I believe we need structure, guidance and boundaries, that are based on the opposite of control: Freedom.

“Structure, guidance and appropriate boundaries, have nothing to do with being controlled by others, and everything to do with teaching us how to control our minds so we may set ourselves free, from the constraints of confusion.”

We find freedom when we notice – through raising our awareness – the volume of conflict and confusion there currently is in the world today. We must never take the easy route, and submit to following the crowd, because we’re confused. Break free, notice and decide.

One Weekend – Two, A Better Life

Tools to Help Navigate the Choppy Waters of Life

When the only outcome – to an improved understanding of yourself, life and love – is a better life, what exactly do you have to lose from attending educational workshops? How is it so many of us shy away from greater understandings of the kind of things we’d learn, when we know deep inside, we will only benefit?

Potentially, this comes down to how painful our lives have become, (and therefore forced into change) or it may well depend on how much we value ourselves, and our relationships. If we have little value for ourselves and others we’ll see little point in seeking change. Perhaps we’re settling for okay or average, and feel that because we’re coping, there’s no need for change. We may lack the expectation (belief) that making some small, yet significant changes to our thinking – in terms of love, ourselves and life in general – is likely to welcome in some very different and positive experiences of life.

The decisions we make in life are very much based on what we believe. We also make decisions based on whether the outcome is likely to be a pleasurable experience or a painful one. If we believe change is likely to involve emotional pain, or high degrees of hassle, we’ll undoubtedly avoid it, however, believing change is a positive and necessary part of life, means we’ll welcome in those different experiences already mentioned.

Education can be fun. Some level of emotional involvement is important, if, as students, we’re to learn and absorb the lessons given. The greater the emotional input the greater the impact. If we lack belief or feel half-hearted about education, or change for that matter, it’s unlikely we’ll be the sort of person inclined towards a positive, and joyful outlook on life. Even the lack of belief and our inclination towards life in general can be changed though, all we need, is the motivation to want this.

As much as I want to teach you and want joy and change for you, simply booking a place on one of my workshops, and then turning up, will be insufficient. I will need you to become emotionally involved in what you’re learning, and actively involved in adopting and building on the beliefs: life can improve, and change is beneficial, no matter the amount of imagined hassle or pain.

Thinking about how we think, and being mindful of how we fulfil our own difficulties, is part of the change process. The ability to recall and then act on the lessons learned, from any educational experience, will be dependent on how well these lessons have been rooted in our minds. Many of the lessons, beliefs and understanding, that create the problems we encounter during our lives, are deeply rooted, simply because of their emotional content. My intention is to countermand these emotionally rooted limitations.

With these things in mind, it’s a certain fact, that both teacher and students alike, have responsibilities to themselves and each other. If your intention is to carry this responsibility well, and to the best of your ability, I promise to do the same.

I look forward to seeing you very soon.

Andrew Freedman

Gameplay

Arcade Game Game Over
End Games of Fear

I’m under no illusions.

“To kid myself into thinking I don’t play mind games, would be my mind tricking me and doing that very thing with itself: playing mind games. So there’s no ivory tower here.”

In nearly every moment of interaction, between one human being and another, there’s some sort of gameplay. In a strange way, there’s a beauty in this, especially when you understand the rules and are on top of your particular game.

It would be naive of me to think, just because I’m looking to remove much of the gameplay from my life – through being mindful during my interaction with others – that others, will simply recognise this, and cease their incessant gameplay with me. Not a chance. However, the saying: it takes two to tango has a powerful bearing on me here.

When interacting with others, whether we like it or not, we’re going to get dragged into some kind of gameplay; it’s a fact of life. A fact of life, that all human interaction involves some kind of play, the trick, is to learn how to enjoy it, and how to play well. In other words, we must learn how to win.

“Over the years, an error I’ve made during much of my gameplay, has been within the simple rules of building rapport. In order to build good rapport, we often need to agree and sympathise with someone else’s point of view, plight or cause.”

So with this in mind and to be more exact, it’s not my ability to build or understand the rules of rapport (we can all agree with others if we try) that’s at fault here, it’s believing I actually need rapport with everyone. Why would I need to do this? Because I want everyone to like me? Why would I need everyone to like me? In an attempt to cure loneliness, that’s why. Now that I’ve cured this, the rules of my gameplay have changed entirely: I’m now playing to win.

“To be more specific, I’m no longer playing a game that panders to everyone, including the losers, because I’m no longer a friend of all the people; I’m no longer a people pleasure. From this point forward, I’m only a friend of the fearless.”

To explain further, and be even more specific, we can narrow down gameplay into two categories: Games of Fear and Games of Love. These two categories of games are played by losers and winners respectively.

Consider the games played out between children on playgrounds every day. Let’s say, Sandra and Jemima have fallen out. Jemima went swimming with some of her other friends last week and forgot to ask Sandra (gameplay). In an attempt to seek retribution, and gain favour with Jemima’s friends, Sandra might make up some stories about her. These stories will be designed to create some sort of prejudice, in the minds of her friends, so that they may then reject her. Sandra will now need to place herself in a favourable position, so that others will like her and shun Jemima, to this end, perhaps she’ll bring some sweets or drugs to school (it is 2017).

Provided it pans out as she intended, Sandra now feels some kind of satisfaction, from gaining new friends, and will most definitely enjoy eating her dish of revenge cold. Sound familiar? Anyway, the main purpose of this game, is to combat the fear of rejection and loneliness. This is a game of fear.

Alternatively, let’s now move to the other side of the playground, where we see a strange child being singled out by a group of boys because he’s quiet, and seems a little different. He’s being bullied, and now one of the boys has pulled his trousers down and everyone is laughing, all except one that is. To everyone’s amazement he’s taking of his trousers also and is now standing next to the quiet boy in just his underpants; everyone has stopped laughing. The lad says clearly in a loud voice: “and now what?” The bullies back away in fright of his fearlessness.

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This is a game of love and was being played by a brave (some might say foolhardy) empathic and intelligent young lad. It may seem to you that there aren’t many of these kinds of people around, and yet, once we remove our fear, we all have the potential to be the protectors of the downtrodden and the bullied.

“We’ve all had times when we’ve looked to build rapport with fearful bullies, because we’ve needed to be liked, wanted to fit in, or simply didn’t know otherwise.”

Only playing with those who choose to focus on games of love, means were more likely to open our lives to some extraordinary people. We easily find these people when we stop needing to be liked, and we remove fear, when we know we’re safe. We build our sense of safety when we stop flinching away from what makes us feel uncomfortable. The more we face our fears and embrace all that makes us human (our emotions) the greater our chance of stepping out of games of fear, to welcome loving, and empathic people into our lives.

I’m not suggesting we all take our trousers off, what I am suggesting though, is we take the time to become mindful of the type of games we play, and why we play them. Remove the fear, and only play games of love now.

Inspiration taken from the book: Create Beautiful Partnerships   

anger

The White-Hot Rage Of My Higher-Self

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The White-Hot Rage Of My Higher-Self is Seeking to Understand

I feel angry most of the time. Yeah I know, it’s crazy isn’t it? “How and why do you feel angry most of the time?” I hear you ask. Well, I’ll get to that.

I recently read a story about the author Terry Pratchett. He said – of discovering he had alzheimer’s – that he felt angry. Well, I don’t have alzheimer’s disease, yet I can understand Terry Pratchett’s anger, and not just his anger in the moment and months following his diagnosis, I understanding by tracing it back to his childhood.

At school Terry Pratchett was bullied and told by someone – as he put it: “three foot taller than myself” – that he’d come to nothing because he couldn’t read or right by the time he was six. During the course of his life, Pratchett set about proving that person wrong, and he most certainly succeeded. In recent times, so enraged was he, on being diagnosed with alzheimer’s, that he went on to write a further seven novels and his autobiography. I believe the root to his anger, and potentially the root to his dis-ease, was in fact traceable to one experience.

“We can be provoked into action through some unexpected means.”

It could be said, the very reason Terry Pratchett was so successful, can be directly attributed to the provocation he experienced as a child: A reversed psychology, that he decided to see as unintentional, from a person three foot taller than himself. Of course we can never know whether it was intentional provocation or not.

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My Higher-Self Hungers to Understand

“So to the root of my anger. I have plenty of reasons to be angry. It would be pointless boring you, by going into all that unnecessary detail and I have no wish to emulate the symptoms of alzheimer’s, by going round and round in circles for you.”

Suffice to say, I decided to release the anger, from certain experiences during my childhood, many moons ago. This was achieved through understanding the failures, of the people around me at that time, as being due to their ignorance. This doesn’t make it right, what it does do though, is give me air:

“The air to breath so I may help free others from the damage ignorance can cause.”

I mainly do this, by looking to avoid the intellectualization, so many academics seem to be unwittingly falling into.

“It’s easy to understand when those explaining it have nothing to prove.”

So, back to my anger. I do it to myself. Yes, that’s right, there are times when I can feel myself walking into situations, where I’m going to prove, how horrible human beings are. Sometimes my anger is the anger I feel at my own disappointment. Yep. In other words, I feel angry at myself, for feeling disappointed in human beings. I question what right I have in feeling disappointed. I have no right to f**cking judge anyone. See the anger again?

Anxiety

All in all, one thing I am aware of is my higher self. It’s this higher self that looks to bring me into situation where I’ll feel angry. Take the experience of the ill-mannered lady mentioned in my ranting post: Just The Average Human Then, I didn’t need to try and drive into the space occupied by her.

By standing in a parking space, I knew she was trying to jump the queue, as it were, yet I drove on causing myself to become annoyed at her unthinking bad manners and ignorance. Her desire to overpower me, and all others who might have happened along before me, rightfully deserving that parking space, annoyed me: I’m angry at the injustice of it all. I’m angry at people and their constant need to f**cking overpower me or take my power away. I’m still angry at ALL the f**cking bullies of the world. I feel as if it’s become a one man crusade against ignorance and help all others understand the human will to power.

It is in fact very hard to resolve issues of bullying. If you feel victimised and bullied, and have felt this all your life, it quite possibly lies in one experience from childhood, that has then been compounded by many others as you’ve moved through life. We can look to resolve the bullying, through helping free others from this pain, and yet ultimately, unless we’re really able to deal with our own demons, the damage, of feeling powerless through fear, can remain far reaching.

So we go on. We look to right the wrongs, and find a way to use our anger in a constructive way, that’s beneficial to others. One thing to bear in mind, those who look to take your power, through whatever means – and be assured there are many – are the truly powerless. If that woman – standing in my parking space – had power of her own, she’d have told her husband to go f**ck himself and wait in the queue (with his car) like everyone else. Besides, I have so much power  – derived from my desire to understand – I’ve plenty to give away:

“You’re Welcome, and remember, the truly powerless are those who look to bully you out of yours. They’re the frightened ones. Help them release their fear by understanding them. This is called LOVE and love will show you how they too had their power taken, at a time when they were also vulnerable. Help them feel powerful, by empowering them, with love.”

Just The Average Human Then

Suv and smoking stacks
Never handing it back

Ah, so you think you can antagonise me, with your self-pity then. Wind me up with your winging, about your maladapted past. Well here’s how it lies, my friend, there’s no funding, for this vicious attack.

There are those who believe, they’re so powerful; they demonstrate to us all. What do they think will be the end result, when all they do, is rub our faces in the muck. Driving their Audi Q7 with its big panels, large engine, fat wheels. They need to exhibit their power like it’s something they’re proud to display, not knowing all along, it’s just a bullshit foray.

What do they expect, from the downtrodden, and those who’ve had no power to begin? Simple appreciation, for a beautiful car manufactured for the road? No, they’ll harbour hatred and shoot you or stab you in the back.

Like the ill mannered woman, reserving a parking space, with her body yesterday;

”Could you move please, I’d like to park and be on my way?”

“No” she replied, drawing on her fag, “I’ve been standing here for ten minutes waiting for my partner, to bring the car round, you see.”

“Well f**k, I didn’t realise you could reserve a space for a car with your body, just like that, I hope you feel powerful” I said reversing out, in disgust, finding a space not reserved by a human, smoking a fag.

There are those who could imagine the smell of her faeces and hear the crack of her skull as they drove over her head, not me, you see, I’m more powerful than that.

I could have told her: “only the guilty and the joyless smoke, you know.” What would have been the point, she’d have only answered back. It’s a wonder we start smoking, we know it’s damaging to health, yet the thing is, we’re all just like that, we refuse to believe what we don’t want to change.

Who do we listen to, when young and foolish back then? Not the parents, who don’t have a clue, themselves. Respect for a parent, must be earned they don’t see, when the adults set example’s, the children will only follow. I remember seeing the grown ups puffing on their fags “I wonder what that’s like?’ said the child in my head. Found out to my cost, as my lungs always protest, climbing up hills, on my sodding bike, such pain lacking breath.

So no, don’t expect pity or sentimentality, I’m too old for these little games, you see. I know what it’s about; it’s about making you a fortune, and me getting this devil, off my back.

Humans and their need for power, it’s not seen by those who’ve been given good fortune as a child. “You can do anything my child” said the father of Q7, and now he’s showing the world how powerful he is, take that!

Problem being, he’s taking from the world, never handing it back, never understanding his lack. He lacks the foresight, to know of the damage, to fellow man, to planet earth, herself.

company you keep

Keep My Company

Training And Development
The company you keep holds a direct correlation to your advancement

Imagine an Astrophysicist sitting in the company of a room filled with five year old children; what do you imagine he’s going to be chatting about with these kids? Perhaps he’d be able to chat about what he had for breakfast. Perhaps he could talk about the weather, or draw some nice pictures, or better still, perhaps he could build a castle made of sand!

“Look boys and girls, it holds together better, if you add a bit of water!”

Suffice to say, it’s unlikely he’s going to be chatting about Black Holes, Dark Matter or the Big Bang. He might, if he’s lucky, get to talk about the stars and be able to explain that they’re similar to our sun, but just a very long way away

“Far, far away boys and girls.”

“How far away is far, far away mister?”

“It’s about as far away as I currently am to having an intelligent conversation young lad.”

“Wow! That’s a long way mister.”

No shitting. So to my point: the company you keep will determine how far (or not as the case may be) you’re able to move your mind forward, through bouncing ideas of those around you.

“We all know attitude is infectious, and so in the same respect, we can know that sitting in a room full of five year olds, will only help our Astrophysicist understand the thinking, of five year olds.”

Some might say there’s likely to be a benefit to this and I would agree, yet no matter how hard we look to justify why we’re there, it won’t change the reality, that moving on from where we’re currently sat, needs to happen.

During my time as an Analytical Hypnotherapist (or Hypno-Analyst), I joined a few governing bodies whose aim it was, to promote the ‘discrete discipline’ (whatever that means) of Hypnotherapy (there was, and is, very limited provision for the ‘powerful discipline’ of Analytical Hypnotherapy).

One body in particular – the biggest at that time – offered: The Promotion of Hypnotherapy, The Protection of Consumer Rights, Client Referrals and Registration on their Website. In five years, the only dealings I had with them, involved one client referral, and their flailing negotiations with a member of the public, who, after a Clinical Hypnotherapy session with myself, failed to stop smoking. A situation easily resolved by myself, through offering to refund half of my fee, which my client gladly accepted.

Thankfully, personal responsibility was something I successfully explained to the majority of people I met (it obviously cost me if I failed – there’s a lesson there!). When it came to promoting the power of Hypnotherapy, I didn’t notice one editorial or evidence of any media activity whatsoever, from this particular governing body. Even so, they were quite happy to take my yearly subscription, and f**k you very much for that. Disappointed.

“After leaving this ‘governing body’ my attitude to my work changed. I was no longer someone who simply helped people give up the weed, I evolved into an independent and successful Analyst.”

The moral of the story is, never fully believe, that just because an organisation is the largest, or has a fancy logo, that they’re automatically going to do the best by you, or your clients. Some of them simply enjoy the money and little else. The way of the world so I’m told. We must to be cautious in respect of the company we choose to keep.

“By all means, if you’re a primary school teacher, stick with the company of five year olds, and thank goodness for you, you’re offering an invaluable service to humanity.”

If you’d like to be an Astrophysicist, or Analyst for that matter, seek those who display unending passion for their ‘powerful’ discipline. Not only will they help move your mind forward, they’ll fully expect your company, to move theirs.

childhood

Fifty one years of childhood

house under construction on blueprints - building project
Childhood is the construction of our house. What kind of house would you like to live in?

“If you haven’t already you will meet certain people, on this brief trip through life, that quite simply demand your attention. I don’t mean they grab you around the throat and shout in your face to get your attention, I mean their presence is so great, you simply have no choice.”

To get down and personal with you for a moment, I can tell you there are many, many children – young boys in particular – who’re lost to the world. They’re lost because they have no guide; no example to follow. Many young boys are desperately, unconsciously seeking some form of direction, and guidance.

For me, guidance as to what it means to be an adult, has come in many forms. It would seem to me, the knowledge of how to behave, how to control my feelings, how to love and treat those around me, and most importantly how to take responsibility for myself, has taken all of my fifty one years to gain any kind of traction.

In the main, the missing element for me, during childhood, was a father figure I could grow to respect and model myself on. With the absence of this father figure – as with so many young boys – I found myself grasping at any kind of guiding light or influence I could believe in.

Unfortunately for many, this guiding light proves to be a destructive force, that causes children to drift into those lost lives mentioned earlier. Manipulative and abusive adults seek out these vulnerable children, and then use them to further their own agendas, whether this be criminality, sexual perversion or religious extremism, we all know the sad results.

Through means that are unimportant now, much of the influences I experienced as a very young boy, had elements of a spiritual nature. That is to say, at a deep level, I believed my true father to of been an important man, who died some years ago. Two thousand years ago to be more exact.

The only flaw in my mothers plan, of showing me this ideal of a father, was that he was in fact dead. A dead man can never actually show you, in practical terms, what it really means to be a grown man in the twenty first century. This is why the outdated teachings of most religions have very little, if any, bearing on modern life whatsoever. Having said that, my true father had some useful lessons to each me, in terms of my behaviour to my fellow man.

“Without these lessons though, I would have found it much easier, to fit in.”

Most of us, don’t really take any real notice of the lessons important people teach us, until it’s too late. One of the reasons for this is the lack of respect fathers, mothers, and parents in general, show themselves and each other. Knowing how to respect yourself and each other is not something that necessarily comes naturally .

When children are unable to witness good, clear and clean examples of compassion, gentleness and love, it can take an entire lifetime – of torture and mistakes – to gain the necessary insight into how we become a grown man, or woman. Even then, to be fully grown on an emotional level, is something that we can still fail at after a lifetime.

To be gentle compassionate, understanding and loving, of all our fellow man, is something to aspire to. Perhaps only a few of us see any importance, gain or value in this, however, those few who do, are those we must look to, so our children will be inspired. Value, gain and importance comes in the form of our future survival. If we’re to survive as a species, in whatever form we evolve to, we must learn how to grow emotionally.

The curiosity needed, to inspire us to want to understand how our minds work, must come from those we see value in modelling ourselves on. Those who see the importance and value of growth, as being the future survival of mankind – even though they won’t be around to witness it – are those we must begin to take notice of, or perish.

“It may have taken me fifty one years to face my responsibilities, yet now that I have, it’s true to say the torturous pain, of being a child amongst the few adults I’ve met, is now over.”

Much of the pain you may be experiencing is borne of the confusion created, when we’re unable to step beyond a certain point, in our emotional development. It can seem that no matter how hard we work, at being grown and responsible, something deep inside longs for the love and care, we potentially didn’t receive during childhood.

If you ever meet that person who shows you the love and compassion you longed for as a child, you will hunger for their time. This is one of the reasons therapists must – and I do mean must – fully comprehend the power (and purpose) of transference, if they’re to properly protect themselves, and their clients.

And so there we are. So much pain and confusion is borne from the absence of effective role models in childhood. Parents should be particularly guarded when it comes to the behaviour and language they exhibit towards each other in front of their children.

Children notice everything. Subtle unconscious communication between the adults around them gets noticed. Be aware of this, and how disrespect of each other, directly reflects onto the child as disrespect of them. The mother who criticises her husband in front of his son or daughter is doing everyone a disservice, and likewise, the husband who mistreats his wife in front of his children.

grown

Being a fully grown adult is more than the ability to fend for oneself, it’s about seeking ways to grow emotionally, and improve ones behaviour toward others.

Being grown is also about taking full responsibility for ones feelings, behaviour, and mistakes in life. There is never anyone to blame, least of all, absent fathers in childhood. They also missed the lessons in how to be a fully grown adult. Grow and set everyone free. Please. א