The Locksmith Series #1


Friendships. “I’ve always got my nose in the fridge or the kitchen cupboard,” said Emily, “like a bloody grazing cow I am, I know it’s why I’m fat but I just can’t stop myself, it’s like an automatic thing, trying to get some kind of satisfaction or fill some bloody hole”

“Yeah ya cake-hole!” said John

“Shut the fuck up John,” chastised Joanne, “that kind of comment really isn’t of any help.”

It was Friday afternoon and the three of them: Emily, John and Joanne were in their favourite cafe, well, to be absolutely clear, it was Emily’s favourite (she loved the cake),  for the other two it was something to tolerate, it was on their way home.

A few months of meeting like this meant it had grown into something of a habit, and now that casual familiarity close friends tend to have, meant the boundaries, in respect of the subject matter they discussed – and how they discussed them – were, to say the least, starting to become blurred and stretched.

Emily looked up at John, “Yeah well you might be skinny John but we all know why that is don’t we?”

“And what’s that supposed to mean?”

“Oh come on, if you choose to replace a proper evening meal with a line of coke up ya snozer, followed by a vodka and coke, or should I say several, we’d all be skinny; fucked up wasters, but skinny all the same.”

“Now that’s a bit strong, I may be a piss head with a teeny tiny coke habit, but I’m not fucked up and neither am I a waster.”

“Matter of opinion,” muttered Emily.

Joanne was getting a bit bored with their bickering. “Err, look guys, as much as I love the friendly banter between you two, the atmosphere in here’s getting a bit thick, and thicker each time we meet in fact, perhaps it’s time to call it a day?”

“I think you mean call it an evening, don’t you,” said John, “and yes, I have had enough, I’m off to meet Evo for a vodka and coke, and just for the record, Em, I might even have a packet of crisps as a chaser, so up yours” and with that, a disgruntled John stood up, pulled on his coat, and left.

They both watched him walk out the door, the little bell attached to the frame chimed again, as the door swung shut behind him.

“What is it with you two guys?” asked Joanne, “anyone would think you were old lovers or something.”

“Old lovers! Give me a break Jo, he just gets on my nerves that’s all, I open up about something and he just makes snide remarks, he can’t deal with anything serious or emotional.”

“Um, maybe, anyhow he’s gone now,” said Joanne, “off for a weekend full of casual sex and debauchery no doubt, he reckons it’s what gets him through the week you know.” A little bit of debauchery wouldn’t go amiss with me, she thought to herself. Wanting to change the subject she looked squarely at Emily “So did you go?”

“Go? I do hate it when you ask a question like that. It’s as if you think half of it, and only speak half of it, looking to get me into your head so I can work out what the fuck you’re on about.”

“Bloody hell Em, chill-the-fuck-out, I was just wondering if you’d been to see that guy who calls himself the Locksmith, that’s all. You talk about being overweight, but don’t change your habits. You just said you’re always in the fridge, or whatever, grazing like a bloody cow, was how you put it.”

Joanne took a moment to check herself: a long slow breath, she decided to change her tone. Sounding gentle and slightly conspiratorial she went on, “those I’ve spoken to reckon he’s really good and can help you unravel why you feel a bit powerless to change.”

Emily tutted her exasperation, “Truth is he sounds a bit weird Jo, and weird, is like the last thing I need right now.”

The edge came quickly back to Joanne’s voice, “How can it be weird to have an interest in finding out what makes you tick? If it takes a bit of weirdness to sort stuff out, isn’t it worth coping with? Besides, don’t you think it’s a bit weird always having your face in the fridge and kitchen cupboards?”

“Jo!” exclaimed Emily, “now you’re beginning to sound like that arshole who just left. I tell you what, I’ll go see him, this Locksmith, I’ll listen to what he has to say, will that please you?”

To be continued…