BBC News: Sexual ‘exploitation’ warning to driving instructors

I saw this on the BBC and thought you should see it:

Sexual ‘exploitation’ warning to driving instructors – http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/newsbeat-43096970

How interesting. Links nicely with a piece I wrote this morning, check it out:

https://love-is-empowerment.com/2018/02/18/focusing/

Focusing The Human Will

Sexual Harassment

“I notice in the news this morning the actress Emma Watson has donated £1m to a new campaign aimed at helping those affected by harassment”

It’s a certain fact that sexual harassment is an uncomfortable and unsavoury aspect to human behaviour.

During my early twenties I qualified and worked as a driving instructor. During this time, I met some lovely and interesting people, who I successfully helped gain their driving licenses. Also, during this time, I can remember being sexually harassed. It wasn’t too common but it went on. Allow me to list some of the more memorable incidences:

  • Asked by a transvestite I was teaching in Birmingham if I liked cock (not keen, ugly things really).
  • Also whilst instructing in Birmingham I was inappropriately approached by several predatory gay men.
  • Whilst working for BSM I was harassed for sex by a fellow female instructor, who made her desires clear, by suggestively sucking bananas in the office during our lunch and tea breaks. She did this so often it just got boring in the end.
  • Harassed by a student who, during her lessons, liked to talk about sex and what she ‘got up to’ with her partner. Very active young couple I can tell you.
  • Accused by an employer’s wife of “having my brains in my balls” whilst making it quite clear she thought this okay.
  • A young woman, who’d just successfully passed her test, placed her hand on my knee, thanked me, and then handed over her phone number and told me if there was anything I needed I should call her. My wedding ring was clear to see by all those who inappropriately propositioned me.
  • Held in a bear hug and lifted of the ground by a fellow instructor (with an erection) whilst he told me all I had to do, was think of myself as really heavy, and he wouldn’t be able to lift me off the ground. Something to do with martial arts apparently. I understood this later as a ploy for him to get his jollies by rubbing his erection up against me. I discovered some years later, he’d been jailed for sexual abusing children, he’d ‘taught’ martial arts. Are those guys properly vetted these days?

Anyway, the young, naive (and happily married) twenty something that I was, simply brushed these uncomfortable encounters off, chalking them down to experience. I was quite aware of the reputation driving instructors had (it’s pure fiction), yet it remained clear to me what my intentions were: To earn a living doing a job I enjoyed.

“Sex for humans comes very high on the agenda”

Many humans spend a lot of time thinking about it; less as we grow older, I suppose. You name it though, we humans like to do it. From golden showers, to having sex with animals whilst taking a dump, it’s all up there. And you know what? Who cares. So what. Isn’t it time to wake up to the truth instead of fighting amongst ourselves?

Men are sexually harassed on a daily basis. I clearly remember an old friend of mine (who really, really liked sex) telling me, woman have a clitoris just as you have a penis mate, so get out there, and get yourself some. After my marriage fell apart I certainly took his advice. Those clitorises certainly do drive you girls to distraction don’t they?

“Denial, it’s so destructive”

Best policy, as I’ve always advocated, is to properly educate our children. We must teach them the why and how of it all. We must teach them how to tame the often destructive natural impulses we humans have. Once again boundaries and respect for each other come into play. When we teach our children, about what there is to gain from being polite and respectful to each other, magic can happen.

We must keep in mind though, no matter how polite and respectful we are, others will look to take that from us, and infect us with their dysfunctional behaviour. Not being able to restrain and control our impulses (natural or otherwise) is definitely a disfunction that needs addressing. I wonder if Emma Watson would be prepared to donate a further million to that particular educational program? Doubt it, there’s no revenge, drama, pain or blame in that game, is there?

“Focusing the sexual energy of the human mind – or sublimation as the more enlightened like to call it – is a beautiful skill many would gain from”

When will we teach, with necessary transparency – the predatory nature of the human animal – to children? Enlightened children, who have a greater chance of actually becoming fully grown adults, will effortlessly deal with sexual harassment. The best means of doing this is through transparent-honesty and to cease fuelling the fire’s of denial and ignorance.

Men harass women for sex and women harass men, get over it, and learn how to defend yourselves. My means of defence – as a very sexy and desirable twenty-something – was to simply rise above it. They had poor control . . . and? Their issue, not mine. The next time you feel you’re being sexually harassed, how about making things clear to your abuser, by simply stating this:

“You have poor boundaries and poor control over yourself, look up the word sublimation, with all that energy appropriately focused, imagine what you could achieve”

My dear fellow humans, learn this off by heart, you may find it extremely beneficial.

I Will Never Be Silenced

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“The control rods of shame and guilt are being used against the voices of reason”

It’s seems no matter if our opinion is reasoned and well thought out, shame and guilt are being used as a means of silencing, those who believe in the rights of the child.

“Reason is in fact the true control rod, yet when people stop listening to this, because it’s cold reality frightens them, the train starts to leave the tracks”

It is not homophobic to state the opinion: children have a right to be raised by a mother and a father. It’s just an opinion. If you don’t like it, come up with a counter argument, but don’t look to silence and control free speech through guilt.

It’s believing we have a right, to anything we want, irrespective of the rights of others, that’s creating the human rot so often seen throughout history. Control and ownership gone mad is war. Millions have lost their lives fighting this and many more will no doubt continue to. Isn’t it about time we started respecting those who gave their lives for our freedom, by protecting free speech? We’re still fighting a war of sorts right now.

“When victims refuse to take any responsibility whatsoever, and look to understand their part in matters, we have the north south of victim driven mentality”

Taking responsibility empowers us to protect ourselves. When victims point the finger of blame and say: this is all your fault, they become powerless. Power is when a rape victim says: “yes I drank too much and next time I’ll be sober, carrying a fucking rape alarm.” Stop thinking there is no such thing as the human animal, there is. If we fail to protect ourselves through our naivety, we must acknowledge and accept this failing, or fail over and over again.

Stopping free speech, because we’re frightened of the truth, (or our own homophobia, remember what criticism is) creates a society that’s driven by the repression of ignorance. When we refuse to acknowledge cause and effect we add to this ignorance.

“It’s important we really start to take a close look at what we are in fact doing. When we take away the black and white of boundaries, and the proper respect of nature, we muddy the waters, to such an extent, we’re endangering our very survival”

You might think that last statement a little dramatic, however, if we don’t learn the lessons from the past, they’ll keep repeating themselves. From experience, I can tell you, this is a horrible prospect. Control and ownership are the most distasteful human diseases. The human need for these traits is so powerful they can gently and subtly creep into society without our noticing them. These traits, will always be there in the background, we must learn to spot them quickly.

“Our tendency to deny truth is the war we must fight”

Truth sets us free, so how is it we struggle so much with this? Because it hurts, that’s why. We struggle to accept that our self-centeredness may be denying our children the future their genes decided for them. We struggle to accept, we simply cannot have everything we want, without their being a cost. A cost we’d rather not acknowledge.

The cost, is we lose our fight for the rights and freedom for all, before we’ve even started. This includes unborn children. Self-centered ownership of our children is saying: the needs of the few, are greater than the needs of the many; another disease of humanity.

BBC News: Center Parcs pulls Daily Mail ads over Tom Daley article

I saw this on the BBC and thought you should see it:

Center Parcs pulls Daily Mail ads over Tom Daley article – http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-43093154

The Tom Daley article is what prompted my previous post. So the situation is, we now have free speech, labelled as homophobia.

Control and ownership most distasteful human diseases. The future looks bleak my friends.

The True Love of Advancement

True Purpose

Advancement

“Advancement is a true expression of love”

When we look closely, at the advancement and development of ourselves, we recognise this as a true expression of self-love. When we love ourselves we automatically pass this love on to future generations.

By taking the time to look within, and advance as human beings, we not only enhance the quality of our own lives, we enhance the lives of all those who experience us. The most direct influence we have is on our own offspring.

“We can break free from ignorance by exposing the unknown aspects of our minds. It’s only fear that prevents us from advancing to heights we previously never dreamed possible”  

Nowadays money can buy us anything, even new life. It’s perfectly acceptable to marry your same sex partner and then buy yourselves a baby. You might think this okay, however, we must see the dangers in being raised by those who believe they ‘own’ us. If we’ve been bought, surely it follows we’re owned. We can ask: what adaptations do the children of parents, who’ve taken ownership of them, (even when money hasn’t changed hands) need to make, in order to get their needs met, throughout life? An interesting question is it not?

Some might see gay couples buying babies as advancement and not a muddying of the waters at all. Let’s make it clear, it’s not being gay that’s the danger, it’s being owned that most definitely is. Slaves were owned. There can be no advancement in this being considered the norm. 

“How is it we’re prepared to buy babies and yet reluctant to pay for the advancement of our minds? Are we fearful of what we might find? Of course we are”

It’s a special minority of people who choose advancement through knowing themselves better. A special minority who are prepared to cast light into the darkness. Ultimately, it will be these people who move us forward as a species.

The True Love of Advancement

It’s freedom from the suppression of ignorance that brings true happiness, never money. There’s no freedom of choice in that, just conditioning. Buying children is simply a belief that we’re all entitled to have anything we want, even if this is at the expense, of ignoring their rights. There is no self-love in that. There is plenty of self-centeredness though. Self-centeredness is the tendency to not look beyond our own happiness and see the bigger picture for others.

Alternatively, those who take the journey toward finding wholeness, benefit everyone. This journey does involve accepting that there are parts of our minds we remain ignorant to. When we overcome the fear of this knowledge wholeness takes a huge step closer.

A whole human being would never expect to find happiness through buying a baby, but would expect better, from their fellow man. Perhaps, when we start seeing the fetus as having rights, we will extend these rights to future generations too.

Why Does It Matter? (The Transgender Issue)

Parenting

“It seems clear to me, and many others, that little girls and boys are adept at getting what they need. Food, warmth, shelter and above all, attention. All of this adds up to love”

Children are dependent on those who care for them. They surely soon come to understand this, to the degree, they will do all within their power to receive it. How much power children have is of course debatable, yet to me, a child’s power will always be the greatest of all. I say this, because a child is able to focus our love for them, in ways an adult couldn’t possibly.

We recognise their vulnerability through dependence and need. It’s our instinctive need to care for our young. We love how they’re an extension of us. When we love ourselves, this is extended, to the mini versions of us we’ve created. All of these things add up to the importance of us doing the very best by our young.

Doing our best includes gaining understandings of how our minds work. When we understand some very simple principles, we empower ourselves with more choice, and potentially increase our skills when it comes to raising happy, healthy, and well grounded children.

“When children have the influence of both a mother and a father they’re better able to find an identity that fits with the one they’ve been assigned at birth”

When a child is raised by just one parent there is an increased likelihood of them wanting to identify with the sex of that parent. The intelligent human brain is very adept and gaining what it needs for survival.

The child-brain picks up on the unconscious signals from its carers. If the message and signals are construed as: mummy wants a little girl, for example, the child will seek to be the object of its mothers desire, regardless of what sex it was assigned at birth. Remember, all that matters to the child, is survival. Survival that’s dependent on the love, care and attention it receives, from carers. The more attention the better.

If you watch this short clip, relating to the transgender issue, take a moment to ponder on the dynamic of mother and child within this single parent family.

What parents often forget are the unconscious signals they project onto the child. The child’s mind is an empty void open for whatever the adults around it are likely to project.

I often think of the time walking behind a young mother in the street some years ago, she violently chastised her five year old daughter for being “Such a little bitch.” At five, it’s impossible for a child to be a ‘little bitch.’ She may be inconsiderate to her siblings, until taught otherwise, she may be self-centered, until taught otherwise, she may be naughty, until taught otherwise, but a bitch? Hardly. Remember: all criticism is self criticism.

And so, as a parent or potential parent, we must understand, the greatest skill a child exhibits is getting its needs met. The closer it can get to a parent, the better. It will do this by any means. Good behaviour, bad behaviour, gentle, sweet, rowdy, violent, transgender, whatever. The behaviour is irrelevant, as long is it gets attention.

“In the mind of the child, attention equals love and it will fight to get what it needs. Even to the point of becoming a little girl, when born a boy, and definitely if this beats their siblings to it”

When the child exhibits confusion over its identity a parent must make it clear they are loved and cared for just as much for being a boy or girl respectively. The child’s mind, at such an early stage in its development, is ill equipped to make a decision over gender. That is not the job of the child; genes have already decided this. We must see the advantage in having this kind of decision taken out of our hands. Yes the brain may disagree, however, this is due to the things I’ve now explained. 

The question still remains: why does it matter? Why indeed. Well, as I see it, there’s plenty of confusion in the world already. For parents to add to this, with poor ability to set boundaries and failure to understand the projection of their own minds, is abuse through neglect. This is how I see it.

Setting boundaries and being parents, instead of ‘best mates’ to our children, is imperative. Without this, children grow into adults robbed of a future their genes have decided. If my little boy wanted to be a girl I’d simply explain like this:

“As you grow older your choices will increase, for now you are in my care, and this is how it needs to be. You are a boy. The decision was made before you were born, and I will do my best to be the man you’d like to be, once you’re grown. I love you for what you are”

It is a parents responsibility to recognise their duty to our children. The child is not the sex parents want it to be, (consciously or unconsciously) or what sex the underdeveloped mind of the child wants to be. The child is what mother nature has decided, and to be fee from confusion, we must always encourage this. Simple.

The Positive and Negative of What We Do

“Our unconscious drivings are a curious thing”

Much, if not most of what we do, is driven unconsciously. When we better understand what these things are, through raising them into our awareness, we increase our choices. It’s that simple: more choice is the reward for looking.

In a previous post we stated: “The Talent is In The Choices.” With this in mind, it can be said, too much choice is a bad thing, however, just as limiting – if not more so – is lack of choice. When we just act instinctively, with no seeming choice in the matter, we’re restricted.

“Too much choice, compared to having more choice through increased awareness, are two very different things”

Think about what you do for a living. It will be, that at some point you made a conscious decision, in what you now do; of course there’s been a conscious decision. However, what we don’t consider, is the unconscious driving behind it.

What we don’t consider, is the unconscious driving, may have been a negative one. Stay with this, it will become clearer.

When we increase are awareness, and find both the unconscious and conscious drivings, we increase choice. The ability to choose between a job – we’ve taken through an unconscious, negative force – or a life enhancing one we’ve taken through being fully aware – would be a beneficial ability, would it not?

negdrivings

“Allow me to explain”

If you follow this blog, you’ll potentially be aware of the personal journey held within. In a recent post I spoke of my activities on weekday mornings. As a result of writing my thoughts down, I’ve now become aware of the negative drivings for this activity. The result is an increase in choice. I now understand the deeper purpose to my activities. Much of the deeper purpose was an unconscious method of communication. Let me explain further.

Obviously, I despise being abused by members of the general public, who doesn’t. If you work, or have ever worked withing the service industry, (we ALL do on some level) you’ll be aware of this fact: some people delude themselves into thinking they’re better than you, and also think it’s acceptable, to abuse you.

Now, as discussed in the post Tightening Spokes, having decisions taken out of our hands, as a child, is obviously very disempowering. For my biological father to make a decision on my behalf, without my knowledge, because my job inconvenienced him, was abusive. I understand this now. Continuing to work within a field where I open and expose myself to any kind of abuse, is something I’m now able to change or better deal with. I no longer need my mind to communicate unfinished business with me in this way. I no longer need to prove to myself – I’m a little person who gets abused – and need to stick it out with a uninspiring work.

“The things we’re drawn to, are, at times, simply a method of communication from our unconscious mind”

Unfinished business from childhood has a way of showing itself. Take phobias. We’re only born with two fears: Loud noises and falling, all other fears are learnt and serve some kind of purpose. An irrational fear of snakes, for example, can be attributed to all sorts of childhood confusion. The fear is curing us, and at the same time the mind is looking to communicate, something needs our conscious attention. When we resolve the confusion from childhood, the phobia disappears. At the very least, we feel more choice and are no longer driven, by an irrational fear. There are no life threatening snakes in the UK. At least not the reptilian type that is.

Let me give you further example. Take someone who’s in the caring profession, let’s say, it’s looking after the elderly. I recently watched a snippet of video showing a recording of an elderly lady being slapped by her carer. The film was recorded by hidden camera placed in the home by her daughter. The health of the lady in question had deteriorated somewhat (she was already suffering with Alzheimer’s disease) and her daughter suspected it may have been due to abuse from her carer. The recording proved her worst fears.

Now, what of the carer? Why was she doing a job she obviously despised? We can know, potentially, the driving behind this, was her unconscious mind seeking communication. What unfinished business, do you imagine, was in the mind of a carer abusing those placed in her care? Why was she doing something she despised? Why was there no love? Do you imagine this person was loved and cared for as a child? Or do you think this unlikely?

“And so to the point”

The activities we’re driven to do often hold clues that we overlook. These clues can be our mind communicating unfinished business. When we see the clues for what they are, we remove the negative driving, and increase our choices. In my case, the next person who feels it’s permissible to abuse me, will be told to leave. Simple.

And what of you? We can all look to better ourselves, by escaping a negatively driven activity, that may only be our minds way of saying: “YOU NEED TO LOOK AT THIS.”

Look closely at the things you do that are not something you enjoy. Why would you do that? Through necessity? Perhaps this is the case, however, what about the aspects to that activity you grudgingly put up with and don’t seek to change? Are you seeking any change? Are you seeking to better your life? If not, why not? What does your mind want to tell you?

Be Ready To Believe

“Failure and rejection are unpleasant yet inevitable aspects to life”

At some point we’re all going to experience them. When we’re rejected we feel we’ve failed and of course we have. Once we pick ourselves up though, we must then come to understand, these things are only an opportunity to do it differently, next time around.

We may need to change our technique, business model, looks or approach . . . you name it. Provided we’re determined to succeed, and we alter what we did to find rejection and failure in the first place, we will succeed. It’s simply a game of numbers. Problems arise, when after failure, we keep on with the same strategy. This is the definition of insanity.

“There are those who set out in business, with a particular product or idea, that has no practical application or demand”

In terms of invested time and money, so far are they, into the pursuit of their idea or product, some individuals often see no choice but to just blindly continue on. They may do this for many more years, wasting time and money as they do, until eventually the penny drops. Once they move on, it may well be, that an entirely different idea or product comes to mind. It’s quite often this new one that succeeds. This is the entrepreneurial spirit in action.

The point of my title is to make us aware of the need for preparedness. We must be prepared for failure and rejection, this way, we’re ready to see this as feedback and opportunity to change tack for next time. Changing direction on each pass – on each attempt – enables us to develop and grow. As we do, we increase our chances of success.

Does your product have practical application? If not you may want to have a rethink. Does your idea have a demand? If not how could you create this? Caution is advised here. We must be careful in how we may be deluding ourselves into thinking our ideas or products are fabulous, useful, or even groundbreaking. You may see it this way, but will anyone else? How will you know until you put it out there? You won’t, and so potential failure must be seen as only the feedback you need, in order to progress. Above all, stop doing what doesn’t work.

“One stumbling block many overlook is their own mind. Believe it or not, our own minds can be the very thing – the very difficulty – we need to overcome, before we succeed”

We’re all aware of the existence of the conscious mind. Your conscious of these words as you read them. What you’re not conscious of – at least until now – is your breathing or heartbeat. These things are cared for by your unconscious mind.

Unlike our heartbeat, we can alter our breathing, because this is something that’s considered semi-autonomic. Consciously changing ones heartbeat is a little more tricky. And so, the things we have conscious control over, are easy to alter and change, once we become aware of them. Becoming aware is the trick.

beliefsvalidity

The majority of our beliefs remain unconscious until we request them. Beliefs remain unconscious until such a time we need to bring them into our awareness. If all of our beliefs, rattled around in our conscious awareness, all the time, we’d go completely bonkers. For example, the beliefs we hold about what food we like, are not in our thoughts all the time, but do tend to come into awareness, when we’re hungry.

“When it comes to awareness of our beliefs, it may well be, that many of the unconscious beliefs we hold, are having a detrimental effect on the outcome of our endeavours”

Consciously we may believe in what we’re selling, yet unconsciously, we may not. This conflict is a no win situation as the unconscious, always, wins. Unless, that is, we change the programming. Let me give you an example.

Let’s say you’ve taken a job selling insurance. You’re regularly consciously aware of your ability to sell. You look in the mirror and say “damn you’re good!” Perhaps you successfully sold yourself, or some other beautiful thing when younger, and so there’s no problem with your beliefs in that regard. There is one problem though, you don’t particularly believe in insurance.

This lack of belief, or mistrust of insurance, is not something you’re consciously aware of. Deeply set into your mind is the forgotten memory of your mother being conned by an insurance agent. This forgotten memory is creating a negative. In fact, this memory could very well be the unconscious driving force behind you taking a job as an insurance agent, in the first place. That though, is a subject open for further debate, at another time.

Anyway, staying with this example, all we need do is recover this memory and then update or change your understanding of it. In this way, we firstly make the negative belief conscious. Secondly we explained to your mind, this wayward insurance agent your mother met, was only one example. There are certainly many good examples. You being one of them. We also explain, to that part of your mind, the benefits to insurance. This ‘bolstering of beliefs’ will reinforce your ability to sell, as you now believe in the product both consciously, and unconsciously. We remove the conflict, we remove the likelihood of your own mind scuppering your success.

Meditation, leading to light trance, is experienced during the application of the GOLD Counselling (Analytical and Creative Transformation) method.

Tightening Spokes

When I was very young I used a push bike a lot. From paper rounds, to cycling out with mates, I certainly put the mileage in. As with anything mechanical, there would, from time to time, be breakdowns.

Punctures were the main issue, and I clearly remember my father telling me: “This is all your fault because you keep bouncing the bike up and down the curbs!” In fact, so fed up was he, with fixing punctures (rather than teaching me how to do it myself) he took it upon himself to resign me from my paper round. At the time I found this a bit odd, but didn’t complain; at least not too much.

“It’s left for me to wonder: in what way does premature retirement from a job of work, as a child, continue to affect me?”

The answer is, I’ve been looking for early retirement (through varying methods) from ‘job’s of work’ all my life. However, having found something I love, way back in 1998, the reality is, I’ll never fully retire. You can’t retire from Personal Development. And besides, why would I retire from something I also love teaching?

As an add on, and In terms of teaching Personal Development, here’s a little advice for all you paper boys (and girls) out there: Find independence through purchasing a pair of puncture resistant tires, they’re the future. Alternatively, and if you find these too expensive, learn how to fix punctures; ‘bouncing up and down curbs’ is fun!

“Along with punctures came buckled wheels”

Now, straightening out wheels, was way beyond my father’s skills, and most definitely mine. The reason for this was propaganda. Many people back then had been led to believe, removing buckles from wheels, was a specialised job. Believing this prevented any attempt at wheel straightening DIY at all. Instead, the local bike store, were making a small fortune from all the kids (or fed up fathers) in the neighbourhood.

“Propaganda, and the beliefs borne from it, can stay with us all our lives”

I’m still quite a keen cyclist now, and in these times of austerity, many of the roads I ride are not dissimilar to those of a third world country. Teeth clattering potholes sometimes get spotted too late (especially with sunglasses on) and of course buckled wheels are the result. So bad, had my wheels become, that I’d begun to wonder what exactly was to be done about it. The deeper part of my mind still believed it was a specialised job. As incredible as it may seem, I’d even considered just buying some new ones! Until, that is, I watched this:

Specialist job! Is it bollocks. My bike rides as smooth as silk now, especially with the puncture resistant tires I’ve fitted. The moral of the story guys, is don’t ever believe all you’re told. There are somethings in life that are as easy as your ABC, once you come to believe it, that is.

And by the way, there’s no need for a truing stand. With the wheel in place, turn the bike upside down, hold a screwdriver or tyre lever against the frame and line it up near the rim of the wheel. Give it a slow spin and you’ll easily see where the buckle is.

Why not develop your mind for a smoother ride through life? I have.  

We Always Get What We Seek

Seek Change Through Self-development

You might assume from the above title that this post is going to be a few hundred words on positive thinking, or some lame garb about how wonderful everything can be, without any effort on our part at all. The thing is, if that’s what you’re looking for, you might want to look elsewhere. Here, you’ll find something to think about, that will genuinely help you have a better life, and not something that’s just a temporary fix, to a shitty day.

The only snag, is you do actually need to do some of the work. Let’s start with  having a rethink on attitude. Right now (as you might have guessed) I have a bit of an attitude. Even so, it’s as good a time to write as any, because we are likely to get the truth, rather than the people pleasing bullshit spouted elsewhere. Attitude is something to manage and use productively.

Now, the reason I’ve got a bad attitude this morning is because I’ve allowed someone else’s mood to infect me. I could easily have chosen to ignore this person’s attitude – like water off a duck’s back – or, as is the case, use this morning’s upset as fodder for this post! So let’s do it.

Here’s the story. In order to keep myself grounded, and earn a little extra pocket money, I spend my mornings as a newsagent managing a store. One of the services we offer is parcel collection. You may have used this facility yourself. No money changes hands, however, the store does earn a fraction of a penny in commission on each transaction. With such small commissions involved, the hope is, customers collecting parcels spend whilst in the store, they rarely do. Yet we do look to be as polite and warm as possible in the hope they’ll part with some dosh.

Anyway, in walks a customer who approaches the counter throwing down a piece of barcoded paper as they do. Looking at it, and then me, they ask for their parcel. I then go through the process of asking for name and ID so I can search for it. The customer in question then states, in a very aggressive and agitated manner:

“This store is the most problematic when it comes to collecting parcels!”

I reply by pointing out that they’d probably not be thinking that if we’d had it stolen.

I’m then told I should be much more polite when dealing with customers, not make them feel like they’re trying to steal something, and be much calmer. I’m so taken aback by this I simply say nothing further and the customer leaves the store. On reflection, remaining quiet throughout the whole encounter, would have been a far better policy; we live and learn do we not?

“The alternative, to being infected by the attitude of others, is obviously the ability to simply shrug off this kind of encounter. This ability is gained through some very simple understandings.”

Firstly – and staying with the example of my customer – this particular individual had the expectation that the process of collecting a parcel was going to be somewhat problematic. To just throw a barcoded piece of paper on the counter is bound to elicit further questions. I’m unable to read barcodes and the till doesn’t disclose any details when its scanned. It just acknowledges that someone wants to collect a parcel. It’s not until I’ve found the parcel, through eliciting a name, that I can then scan the corresponding barcode. Even then details are not supplied on the till.

So asking for a name was necessary, and would have been, on all the previous problematic encounters they’d had before. ID is also required to ensure the correct person is given the item. All of this is a given, so seeing this process as problematic, is the result of poor expectations. We find what we seek through our expectations.

The second consideration comes in respect of the advice I was given: I should be calmer when dealing with customers. Interestingly enough I woke this morning feeling very calm, carrying out my daily routines in an almost sleepy fashion. Over the years, of filling some of my time doing mundane jobs (bit of a surfers attitude to work these days: it’s a means to life not life itself) I’ve gained the ability to switch off. I do it in my sleep.

“If you’re a calm, unassuming kind of person, you may find yourself the object for other people’s problems. You act as a sounding board. A void to swallow up all the shit from the sewer.”

Potentially, this calm manner, does tend to faze people a little bit, especially if they’re the kind of person who doesn’t deal with stress very well. Anyway, suffice to say, I felt very calm indeed. Who was it that was talking and acting in a stressed, agitated and aggressive manner? That’s right, the customer. So once again we have confirmation of the following philosophy: All Criticism Is Self Criticism. A classic example of the simple psychology of projection.

projection

“A problematic encounter is experienced when we behave aggressively with unrealistic expectations. On an unconscious level, problems may well be what we seek, and have nothing whatsoever to do with those around us.”

In terms of the effort we must exert to have calmer, less stressful encounters with others, we must be prepared to look within. A little effort is required. A little effort to find your inner Gold Please. Relax your package is here.

innergold

  

Advancement

Advancement

“It could be said we’re all advancing. From the moment we’re born, it starts. Be it simply growing or learning, our brains and bodies are developing, we’re advancing”

The question is, to what extent are we advancing compared to others? Of course, comparing ourselves to others, is potentially never a good idea. We’re all different. One person’s view on what it means to grow and advance may differ greatly to another. Just so long as we’re changing and developing, in some fashion, all is well. The point remains though, the quickest development, is the greatest gain.

Life is short. We’re all in a hurry. This isn’t surprising considering the uncertainty of it all. Live the moment. There’s always a bus ready to run you over. You never know what’s around the next corner. You could be dead tomorrow etc., etc.

“With this in mind, let’s also consider the close correlation between the words ‘advance’ and ‘advantage.’ The quicker you advance the greater the advantage”

In this moment now, I believe the quickest, most effective advancement, is to raise awareness. As I experience people, it’s all too obvious to me, many lack self-awareness. When we take a step back and think about the behaviour of some humans, we can see, it’s a lack of self-awareness, that drives their self-destructive patterns. We could say this lack is a form of mental illness.

Now, adding to the array of labels associated with mental illness, isn’t necessarily a good thing, we have plenty already. With so many children craving attention, and the mental health professionals so keen to pander to this through adding labels, why add to it? Give me a label though, and it makes me feel so, so special. I’m Autistic, Dyslexic, Asperger. Are you? Or are you just a lonely human exhibiting a difference for attention?

“Does giving us labels help with self-awareness? Or do they close us down and give us something to live down to? We could live up to somewhere different. An awareness that gives us advantage”

Once we become aware of limiting behaviour, devoid of a label, we’re more able to change it. Let’s take the limiting thoughts and behaviour related to sexism, bigotry, racism and intolerance. Is it not the case that labelling ourselves may be creating a form of individuality, yet also creating, a separateness? Can we be individuals without others being intolerant? I believe we can through raising awareness.

For example, what’s behind the behaviour of sexism? Why are we intolerant of others? Is it because we’ve given them a label? Does the label mean less or more? Why is there hatred? Raise this: Hatred is a consequence of a lack of self-awareness. We hate what we don’t understand about ourselves, and project it, onto those we’ve labelled.

As children, when the adults around us display their hatred of other humans, we, as sensitive children, take this on, to our ‘selves.’ We only ever hate our selves. This is then projected. Children don’t see differences as occurring outside of themselves, they internalise them, and learn to hate their selves. Get it? The suicide bomber is blowing himself up. Clarity? 

Anyway, we just love our labels, don’t we? Think of this: I’m a Muslim, I’m a Christian, I’ve got a degree, I’m black, I’m White, and on and on we go. What if we removed all of these labels and simply had one? This one: Flawed Human.

There’s no getting away from the fact many want to be seen as better than others. To have the bigger car, more money, a better job, a more loving God and so on, however, the trick, through raising self-awareness, is we begin to see the nonsense of this.

“There is also a paradox to this trick. We need the driving to be better; to be more advanced, in order to want raised awareness. Once we have it though, some become enlightened to our often, ridiculous nature. A Beautiful Paradox”

Seek the advantage of advancement and discover this Beautiful Paradox for yourself. When you find it you will also find a beautiful freedom. The freedom of Self-Love.

The Chains That Bind Us

theverythings

We must recognise, sometimes it’s the very things we strive for, that are the very things holding us down.

I read recently, once again, that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. We may find ourselves insane from time to time, however, as long as we recognise the error, eventually, we’re progressing. It’s those who fail in this recognition that potentially waste their lives, and a fortune, pursuing something that doesn’t want them.

This something could be a person or potential future. No matter how hard we try and what choices we make, it can be the case, that a certain future just isn’t a possibility. As strange as it may sound, it could well be, that it just isn’t available. The reasons for this can be myriad. Exploring this can also become a bind in itself. Far better, once we’ve recognised the insanity of our situation, to just drop it, and move on. This can take courage.

courage

To recognise that we may have been wrong; that we may have been pursuing the wrong idea, or wrong person for that matter, does take courage. It is only courage though.

Take heart, because once you begin to move away from the insanity of stagnation, you’ll be moving toward the sanity of change. One of the few certainties that’s pointless to try and avoid. Embrace change and never look back.