Why We Reject The Good Souls

 “Why do we reject the good souls? Do we feel threatened by them, and if so, why? What exactly do we have to fear?”

Many are very suspicious of people who wish us well; those who want the best for us. Many people who are in desperate need of assistance, or guidance of some sort, will reject that hand up; that gentle word of advice. They will reject the good souls.

In some respects, this must come down to our fear, of the unknown. If we’ve never been shown genuine compassion, love and concern, then how can we possibly accept it for what it is? People, who’ve spent their entire lives just surviving and getting by, will reject love. Those who’ve had to cope with the abuse and disdain, we humans inflict on one another, will obviously reject that hand up. If we do take that hand, who’s to know, what we’re likely to find? Something worse than we already know?

Often the used and abused will take assistance offered, only to find a worse horror, than the one they knew before. Better the devil you know and all that. So what is the answer? How can we get through to the damaged souls who reject genuine compassion and empowering love?

“The word that comes to mind is gently”

A gentle truth is what many of us require. The truth that someone, who might simply asks them how they are, or wish them good luck, is genuinely asking after their wellbeing. A good soul enquiring for some love. A love not many are able, or willing to give, an enquiring soul. 

Pride is one thing that can stands in the way. Pride, standing there with its arms folded, defensive and cold. A young man will often see an older one as a threat, not as potential for guidance, and betterment. A damaged person may only have his pride left, after everything else, has been stripped from him. Dignity disappears when we’re abused as children, as does much of our power. We may find strength in pride. We may feel powerful when we reject all and everyone from our lives. It matters not, whether they’re good or bad, pride pushes them all away.

I’ve learnt, the only way to deal with this, is to actually see what their rejection is: fear. There is a fear that the last thing they have; that last thing that’s kept them alive, together and helped them make it through, will be taken from them: their pride. What must those in need of assistance do in order to swallow their pride and listen?

“They need to believe”

Yes, on this occasion, it can be that simple. When we’re able to instill the belief, that there is actually something available to lift a damaged person, we’re halfway there. The way we do this, is to educate the individual as to the true nature of that assistance. We need to make them aware, of the two way street they’re embarking on, by accepting our help.

You see, when we offer help to another human being, especially one whose likely to reject us, we must make them aware of how offering assistance is about a selfish empowerment. Offering help will always be a ‘you scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours’ situation. When we share this truth help is more likely accepted.

Help, is more likely accepted, when we realise we mustn’t threaten the survival of a damaged individual, through threatening to take their pride. The last remaining stronghold of defence: pride. In fact, when we offer the truth of our selfishness, we help people retain it.

“We never offer someone help when our unconscious intention is to take their power. This is so often the case”

When we offer advice, or help of any nature, it can often be spotted as a hidden means of empowering ourselves. This is when the damaged will reject us. Giving up a little of our power is when we truly help. We do this by offering the truth. We do this by showing humility.

Just the other day, I offered someone a good luck sentiment who was trying to give up smoking, and the response was this: “well yes, I’m just trying not to think about it.” A rejection of a good luck wish. Hindsight has offered me the realisation of what would have been a better strategy: to take a deep breath, look him the eyes, and say nothing. Simple, when you think of it.

So the next time you feel rejected, even when your intentions felt honourable, be sure to recognise what your unconscious intentions might have been. Those in need are used to being very, very perceptive, of the human condition, and its darker side.

“We uncover our unconscious intentions when we see the truth”

Here it is: There is no such thing as a selfless act. None at all. When we make it clear, that we understand the two way street, of any act, we discharge suspicion from the damaged soul.

We must ask: in what way do I empower myself through offering my time and attention? We must then offer this truth. Understand: when we humbly give a little of our power away – by expressing truth through our humility – we will ultimately regain it twofold. We always regain power given away. When we look to take another’s power, we must continue to do so, with all those we meet. A vicious cycle many people are engaged in. We only need look at what’s happening in the world today. People in power seeking to take it from others. Rejection all around.

Defence Against the Lies


How can we tell if someone is lying? How can we defend ourselves against the damage of lies?

If we start with understanding what a lie is, and why they’re so common, we begin the process of understanding how to defend ourselves against them.

Let’s just take ourselves back to being young for a moment, and gently ponder, on the lies we told at that time. Straight away, there might now be a few who tell a lie, to themselves. They might be saying: “I never told lies.” Whoops, let’s just let that one go then shall we, and start again. We all tell lies. That’s right, all of us.

“The truth, and the truth of our opinions can be hurtful, so of course, we protect people’s feelings. We protect them against the truth of either our opinion, or indeed, the truth itself”

In this instance, we can consider the lie as being driven by our empathy, and consideration for the feelings of others. Even when we tell lies under such circumstances though, in a deeper part of our minds, we do understand lying isn’t necessarily useful. The lie may protect someone’s feelings, however, in the long term, the lie may do harm. For example, if someone close to you were to ask: “Do you love me?” And you’re answer is: “Yes,” when the truth is you’re no longer certain, eventually the truth will out, and the lie will then be seen as harmful. When the eventual break up comes, the question will be: “Why didn’t you tell me sooner? I could have moved on with my life years ago.”

So we can easily see, the issue of lies, is a complicated one. Telling the truth, in the above example, would take great courage. Now, pause for a moment if you will. Can we spot the real lie in the above example? Is it not the case, the real lie, is the reason for saying yes? Indeed we do want to protect feelings, however, because we’re fearful of loss, through making a mistake, the real lie, is that we tell ourselves we’re protecting someone else. What would the pain of loss cost you? Truth, it would seem, is often avoided in order to protect ourselves, as well as the feelings of others. Self preservation, is the lot of the lie, is it not?

“Now, when it comes to defending ourselves against lies, this is where it gets very interesting”

There are those individuals who are specially trained at spotting lies. Police detectives, psychologists and therapists, are potentially the best at spotting them. They deal with them all the time. With this said though, how competent are the rest of us at spotting lies? Can you easily spot one? Here’s a clue to the truth of that question: Everyone is lying to you right now. Almost everything you hear is laced with some kind of lie.

We must take on board the self preservation aspect of lies. To help with understanding this, let’s form the presupposition that everyone, is fearful of being alone. Let’s also state, that on one level, everyone is in fact already aware of this, and all we’re doing, is playing psychological games, through our lies, in order to escape accepting this truth.

With these presuppositions and understandings in place, defending oneself against the potential harm of lies, is easy. All we need do, is accept our own aloneness. Once we’re able to do this, there is no longer any need for us to lie, and lies from others, can be seen for what they are: A cry for love. Should anyone reject us through our truth, it will no longer matter, because we already understand ourselves as alone.

“Alone, is when no other person is able to be part of our mind, body, or soul. Can any other person be part of your mind, to the extent they could read your thoughts? No. As such, you are alone.”

In order to take our understandings of lies a little deeper, I need to change tack slightly. I need to talk about those people who’re able to create the illusion of being part of your mind. Once this illusion is created, you feel less alone, and as such, safer. There is great danger here. You can potentially become owned, controlled and dependant, on a person who has the ability to create such an illusion. The lie, is that they’re part of your mind; that they have some kind of connection with you, that’s more than mere similarity. You are the one who’s creating the lie incidentally. You’re lying to yourself.

“I’m going to give you a clear example of this. Take some time here”

Imagine a conversation with someone close, who starts talking to you, with the assumption you already know part of what they’ve been thinking. For example, they start the conversation, like this: “She said she didn’t know.”

Okay, a conversation initiated in such a fashion, could go one of two ways. You either ask them: “WTF are you talking about? Or you could take a moment to work out who they might be referring to: – There might be some tenuous link with a previous conversation, or you might be able to easily work out who’s been spoken about. Firstly, your attention has been grabbed. Secondly, in the process of you working out who’s been spoken about, you’ll be creating the illusion of being inside someone else’s mind. Something that creates a very powerful bond. Always bear in mind. This. Is. An. Illusion.

“Remember where the lie is here”

The lie is that it’s possible to be inside someone else’s mind. Don’t be fooled, once you buy into such a lie, you can be very easily manipulated. All of us humans are looking for one thing: to be less alone. Those who’re able to create the illusion of mind reading, will have immense power over you.

To the point. Lies are used as a means of protecting the self: the ego. The ego is excellent at lying. We only ever lie to ourselves and we do this as a means of self-preservation. We defend ourselves against the potential harm of lies, when we acknowledge, our aloneness. Knowledge removes fear.

Allow me to give you further example of the protective nature of lies. I work closely with a compulsive liar. She lies as a means of protecting her ego. Her ego is in fact extremely fragile. The person in question has been placed in a position of authority that well exceeds her abilities (resources). As a means of compensating for this, her opinions and conversation, are always laced with lies. This is now at the point that nearly everything she says seems made up. I’ve stopped hearing almost everything she says to me. I once saw a T-shirt with the words: “I’m not hearing a word you’re saying to me, I’m just smiling and nodding in all the right places, in the hope this works.” That’s the place I’m in with the lairs of liars. I barely hear a word anyone says to me.

Main Point:

As in childhood, the ego will recognise lack of resources and compensate for this, through lies. Some never grow out of the need to tell lies, because they’ve never grown out, of childhood. Sound familiar? Do you know anyone like this? Are there some – on the world stage right now – who need to tell lies, because their child-mind needs to protect itself?  

We must now understand:

“It’s not so much truth, that sets us free, it’s the fact only the free, speak it. Freedom is when you’re no longer afraid”

The Locksmith #8 (Distracted By The Human Condition)

The Human Condition

The Locksmith had watched Emily leave the room, waited for Lord Harry (the little terrier dog) to return, before closing his eyes again. It took just a few moments for him to gain his composure.

Human behaviour often amazed, shocked, saddened and sometimes even amused The Locksmith.

It wasn’t so much unexpected – to hear the tales such as the one just recounted by Emily – it was more about how it made him feel. It was disappointing to him, that so many people didn’t see the deeper side of their behaviour; the real purpose to it.

Ultimately, it didn’t so much matter that their behaviour was destructive to themselves and others – time heals after all – it mattered that so many seemed ambivalent to it all. For he understood, when there’s indifference or ambivalence to anything, change will be slow, or fail altogether.

He understood how human indifference wasn’t necessarily their state of mind to begin with, for him though, it developed rather too quickly.

The perpetrators of harm rarely gave though to the damage they caused. Abusive acts, be they physical or emotional, were carried out with such disregard, it saddened him. This lack of empathy and consideration for others was what also amazed. How have they made it this far? He would puzzle.

He experienced equal measure of amazement and sadness, for how people had such low regard for themselves, and their lives. Life can be so beautiful when one takes a moment to stop. And to have such lack of regard for others, was often a clear reflection of the low regard they held for themselves, and all life in general.

All these unloved children, with empty souls, seeking what they lacked.

The Locksmith also understood, the self-centered nature of human children, often never left them. Was being taught ‘out’ of this, through educating children about the dangers of self-centeredness, being overlooked? He would meditate on such questions. If the only concern, is for satisfaction of the self, humans will begin to lose the very thing that’s made them so successful: Their togetherness. His mind would answer the questions. It was the questions that mattered.

It seemed to him, that the need for power and control over each other, remained at the heart of so many of their troubles. The playground games, of winning or losing favour with each other, was a constant. Taking sides, building allegiances; general bullying and tittle-tattle was also there. All games created by the children seeking power, attention, and above all, love.

At times it became a distraction for him. His awareness of this was an annoyance.

He did have better things to be thinking of. For example, what was the nature of the seed he’d been sent here to plant? He knew it had a lot to do with the human concept of love. A flawed concept, though it was.

When something isn’t universally understood, it becomes a struggle to find it’s true power, as confusion tends to defuses it. His thoughts often concluded with the realisation of it flawed nature, yet he was always soothed, by its usefulness. It is the best they’ve come up with, to explain their feelings, he would surmise.

Having regained his composure his thoughts returned to Emily. Dear, dear Emily. Such a lonely child. Could he not say the same about all the people he’d met?

Reaching out to her again he sensed her pain ebbing. In his mind’s eye, he saw her walked away, back to a life, better understood. He knew the whole purpose to her life was love, just not one, she yet fully understood. The sooner the better he thought.

Slaves to Our Thoughts

We’re all Slaves to Our Thoughts

“To a greater or lesser degree there is not one of us who isn’t operating on a system that enslaves us. The question is: to what extent has this system being designed by you, the individual?”

The word mentality is a very general term used to describe a particular kind of system, or set, of one’s mind. For example, an expression such as: ‘a working class mentality’ is a very general term used to describe the kind of thinking, or system of beliefs and thoughts, adopted by those of the working classes.

Further examples would be: victim mentality, average mentality, liberal, conservative, we could go on. Suffice to say, the type of thinking that binds us – or creates a sense of freedom for that matter – can be described as our mentality. 

“Many, with certain mentalities, enslave themselves with a paradox. It’s a paradox to think our beliefs free us, when the reality is, they enslave us” 

When it comes to being paradoxically bound by our mentality we can think of one clear example of this:  Consider those who’ve dropped out of society.

In the first instance, the act of dropping out of society, is seen as rebellious. Potentially it’s also considered a means of escape from a system of enslavement. What those who drop out from society don’t fully realise is, they’re simply swapping one set of beliefs or mentality, for another. Neither actually sets them free.

“Rich or poor neither are free whilst driven to fulfill beliefs unknown

We could go as far as to say, none of us are truly free until we’re free of all belief systems that dictate a certain behaviour, or indeed dictate our expectations, on life. Even the Buddhists, who see their beliefs as a form of escape from suffering, still suffer by their beliefs. Another binding paradox.

I say this because lacking a belief in identity actually separates us into a group of people with a certain mentality. This in itself creates identity. It’s impossible to be free from thoughts whilst we’re alive and it’s these thoughts that enslave us. Perhaps, in this respect, life is a form of enslavement.

Slaves to Heaven and Earth

That last statement might sound a little negative, however, that isn’t the intention. The intention is to highlight the fact, even if we consider ourselves free individuals, we’re never truly this way. The trick though, is to get as close to freedom as possible, whilst being fully alive, living a full life.

“We could ask at this stage: What is a full life?”

The easiest way to achieve a sense of freedom is to simply question what our true intentions are from words and/or actions. For example, dropping out of society might be seen as a form of escape and/or rebellion, yet, what is such a person truly looking to achieve? What are they truly looking to escape from? Who are they truly looking to hurt through their rebellion? Is it conforming they want to escape from? Is it a neglectful parent they’re looking to hurt? Is it all a game for attention?

“When we think about it, we only ever conform to a certain kind of mentality, and a rebellious nature is a mentality that enslaves, through type”

The whole point of this post is firstly to create alternative, higher thinking, and secondly, to raise the awareness, that it’s what we bring our minds to; what we choose to think about, that dictates our life and the experiences within it.

“We could all have a much smoother journey when we realise the importance of being true to ourselves”

Now, going back to the earlier question: what is a full life? We can say that a full life is lived when we’re living true to ourselves. We find our true selves when we begin to question the authenticity and usefulness of our beliefs.

We can know that none of our beliefs are original – we’ve learnt them all from somewhere, somehow or from someone – and so being true to ourselves, is really achieved when we consciously choose what we ‘want’ to believe. The unconscious only ‘must’ believe all and everything within it. You might want to read that again.

“So many of our beliefs have been instilled at a time when we we were naive or ignorant to their provenance and value”

Let’s finish by opening up the question of what you actually believe freedom is: What is freedom to you?

What is Personal Development?

Personal Development

“In a nutshell, Personal Development, is the way and the means to advance and break free from the limitations of our ignorance”

Knowing ourselves better, becoming less ignorant of our drivings, creates the advantage of removing conflict. Many of us tend to think one thing, and yet end up, doing another. This is the result of psychological conflict.

The unique type of development taught on our workshops and courses, helps our students understand how unconscious drivings, often contradict conscious ones. Simply put, understanding our minds better, and raising awareness to how we create our own difficulties, immediately improves the quality of our lives.

Quality of life, and the roads we take in order to find happiness, are relative to the individual. Personal Development helps us create a much clearer plan the individual, is then able to tailor, to suit themselves. We must know which roads to avoid, and which to take, if we’re to have a smother journey through life.

“Models, beliefs and patterns of behaviour, when better understood, can be modified. Only then do we gain more from life”

The unique nature of our workshops has come about through the culmination of many years experience. The GOLD Counselling technique, once understood, forms the basis for expelling those beliefs we no longer find useful. Gaining advanced, yet easily understood understanding, of the influence of beliefs on our lives, immediately brings into question those that limit us. Ultimately, what we believe we’re capable of, will be the limit of our achievements.

These planned achievements, may not include walking on the moon, for example, yet may include finding more beauty, and more contentment from life. If this is what we seek, we must be prepared to question, what we presently understand.

The mentality we experience, and are taught from the people around us throughout childhood, decide what kind of life, and degree of contentment, we’re likely to find. Learning new models of behaviour, so we may find greater happiness and contentment, is the aim of Personal Development.

“Perhaps walking on the moon is a dream of yours. Attendance on a Personal Development Workshop may not put you there, but it will certainly make you aware, of the attributes you’re going to need”

If you have the necessary courage needed, to question the validity of your perception of the world, you’ll come to realise: the world is how you decide to create it, through your beliefs.

The Competition for Power

The Competition for Power

The Competition for Power

How do we gain power? What is power? Is there a difference between personal power and power over others? Why do we need any kind of power?

All interesting questions. As a lead in, let’s start, on a slight tangent, by talking about what I like to call the so-answer-response. The so-answer-response can be given in reply to any question. The answer always starts with the word ‘so’ and goes like this:

Q, What are you doing?

A, So . . .  today we’re discussing power  

As I see it, this rather modern and obviously highly contagious precursor to answering a question, is in fact, all about power.

“It would seem, modern day language, has developed to the point, even answering a direct question, is seen as some kind of power struggle”

It’s like this. If I’m asked a question, and I then choose to answer it with a direct response, directly related to the question, I’m seen to be giving away my power. Linguistics has seen a way around this problem, through adding the ‘so’ precursor, to the answer. Consider the difference:

Q, What are you doing?

A, I’m discussing power.

Can you sense the difference here? Slight isn’t it?

The point being, we’re all in some kind of power struggle. Be this something that’s obvious, or something that’s not quite so, the power struggle goes on. If we were able to observe children at play, we would see the early signs, of the kind of power struggles humans go on to play, everyday of their lives. We might now ask: Why? Why do we need these power struggles?

Now, rather than answering that question directly, I’ll proceed by asking a few more. Why are people being poisoned on our streets? Why are nearly two million people – in the UK alone – experiencing the trauma of domestic abuse every year. Why, somewhere in the world right now, are there innocent women and children being bombed? What is this kind of power struggle? What is the real problem here?

“Allow me to give you a further, if gentler example, of a power struggle”

Just yesterday I took a drive out in my car. During the drive I had an altercation with a professional (van) driver, who thought I’d dangerously cut him up, when entering a roundabout. There was no collision and no brakes were applied, yet the angry driver insisted on pulling up alongside me, in order to scream and rant about my poor driving. His parting shot was a beauty: “You shouldn’t be on the fucking roads mate!” The fact, he was the professional driver, losing his temper, is perhaps besides the point.

It is only matter of opinion anyway. ‘Making good progress’ is how, as a qualified advanced driver, I would have termed my particular driving style. Safe driving, is making good progress, whilst at the same time, avoiding causing other drivers to change speed or direction. This was my driving style. The van driver had other concerns though. His real concern was this: I’d taken his power.

The section of road he saw in front of him was his and his alone, so for me, to safely and keenly ‘beat him to it,’ as it were, annoyed and frightened him. I took his power, and no human likes that. The alternative, is a calm driver – who manages to stay calm in similar circumstances – through seeing the road, as belonging to all of us. If someone safely beats us to it, then good luck to them.

“This opinion is gained through experience and of course recognition that power over others is but an illusion”

I may seem to have gone of the point slightly, however, the subtle shifts in power, through the games humans play, can, when we look at them objectively, seem a little petty. I suppose my gentle examples, given above, have been intended as a means of highlighting this.

And so, what exactly do we have to gain, through road rage or indeed through the murder, and/or abuse of others? Ultimately we gain nothing except the fleeting illusion that we’ve somehow gained the upper hand. It links closely with the game of one-up-man-ship discussed in an earlier post.  

“I believe the Greeks very cleverly understood the competitive nature of humans, and looked to channel this, through their creation of the Olympic games”

Channelling competitiveness – and the human need for power over each other – is using this often ugly trait (to some) in a positive way.

So why do we need this power over others? Well here’s the thing: analysing that need, is pointless. There is nothing to gain from understanding a trait that’s ugly when directionless, yet we do gain immensely, when we understand how the need to dominate each other, can be channelled.

Even when given channelled-direction, and to the detriment of the Greeks and their creation of this, there are those whose need for dominance holds no bounds. You see, not everyone, plays fair. Oh no.

“Potentially, and in this instance, analysing why is useful”

It’s simple, not everyone plays fair because losing adds further damage to their weakness of character. Those who can’t stand to lose, will do all in their power to ensure they don’t, and this includes, cheating. What the cheat is failing to see is, they will always, be exposed.

Exposure fulfils a fear they can’t cope with: losing. They can’t cope with giving a little of their power away. In the end the cheat always loses. Fears are self fulfilling. This is a very important understanding to gain, if you’re playing to win, simply because you can’t stand to lose.

“It is said, it’s not the winning that matters, it’s the taking part that counts”

Even this has been dismissed as something ‘only a loser would say.’ Such is the competitive nature of ‘winners.’ Far better to teach a child: when you win, do this with humility and grace, and you’ll grow to be a good man. And if you lose, respect the greater skill of the man who wins.

Respect – from a man who loses – is only gained when winning is done through giving the proper merit and consideration for fellow competitors; in whatever this may be. We must be aware, if it wasn’t for those who gracefully give some of their power to the winners, the games would simply cease. Where’s the fun in that?

Winning and losing can potentially be seen in equal measure if we recognise that competition must be kept healthy. It’s the only way we’ll  make it as a species. Learn to make good progress with safety.

Routine Danger

Routine Danger

“There’s no denying the vast majority of us are creatures of habit”

We like the security and predictability of routine. We feel safer when we have a plan for our day; a plan we can trust.

The danger of routine is its stickiness. If we could place ourselves in the mind of an obsessive compulsive for a moment, we’d understand, through extreme example, the stickiness of routine.

Thankfully, the majority of us, don’t suffer from full blown OCD, yet there are many of us who live with a mild form of it. Perhaps many more than we could safely estimate. Perhaps, we all, live with a mild form of OCD.

Take a moment to consider the routines of your day. Are most day’s for you different? If this is the case, you’re certainly one of the lucky ones, however, what about the weekly routines or the yearly ones? We all live with some degree of routine, we’re human, it’s in our nature.

It could be said that routines are inescapable. In fact, if we woke every day without a plan (that potentially matched that of yesterday or the same day last week or last year) of some sort, we’d be lost. There’d be no purpose or map for the day, and we know what happens to those with no map and no purpose, don’t we?

All in all, when we consider human nature: our need for security and predictability, we get a better sense of the importance of raising our awareness. Raising awareness of our nature is essential. Awareness helps us see the necessity of change and variety.

Getting stuck in the horrible stickiness of routine is often the root to mild depression. We must add a little to the mix if we’re to remain well. We do this through being sufficiently challenged. We also do it through adding variety, change and purpose.

Ultimately when we break our routines we get more from life. For a fuller life, all that’s required, is a little courage to leave the comfortable nest of routine.