The Random Mind

Random

“They say you never step into the same river twice”

Imagine how life would be if every morning you woke with a completely different mindset. What if each morning you had a completely random set of thoughts? Or, how would life be, if there were nothing concrete about your beliefs about the world whatsoever? There’s no doubt, if your beliefs about everything were fluid and ever changing, you’d live in a complete and utter state of confusion.

Let’s just say for a moment that your beliefs about your job changed every day. One day you wake feeling in love with your work and the next you don’t. Let’s say that one day you woke believing you loved your wife or husband and the next you didn’t. How would the people around you deal with this?

There stands a very good chance they wouldn’t. Living with such a fickle individual would be intolerable; totally insufferable. So it stands to reason, the vast majority of us, don’t change our beliefs on a daily basis. The human mind does need the kind of stability required to make life predictable and manageable. Too much randomness would make things far too unsettling. We require a certain degree of stability. Those whose minds are broken, without any solidity or stability, struggle to live meaningful lives.

“This brings me to the other side of this equation”

Too much stability and predictability can be just as damaging as too little. We must acknowledge the importance of applying some randomness and change into our lives. Without it, we become bored, and stagnant. When a river stops flowing the water stagnates.

So what methods can we employ to inject the necessary amount of randomness into our lives? Well, we could play ‘The Game of Dice’ as suggested in our workbook. A very simple game.

Make a numbered list of six activities and then throw a die. Whatever number the die falls on, is the activity you must do. We’re leaving things to chance, mixing in a little randomness, with this kind of game.  A good example of the kind of lateral thinking that keeps our lives and minds flowing freely.

“Now let’s come back to beliefs for a moment”

One of the reasons the game of dice is so effective is its simplicity. Another reason for its power, is the application of chance, allowing it to make decisions for us. Here’s the thing about beliefs: they don’t leave things to chance. If you don’t believe something, the chances of experiencing it, are very slim. In this respect, the list you initially draw up to play our game, will be influenced by your beliefs. As such, will it be truly random? It’s doubtful isn’t it? So we think the best way to play the game, is for someone else, to write the list for you. Consider this list:

1, Go Kayaking 

2, Go Paragliding 

3, Ask a random stranger out for dinner 

4, Quit your job

5, Learn to cook

6, Smash the TV

How would it be if you set yourself the proviso, before playing the game of dice, that you MUST do the very thing the die decides? Would life get interesting? How interesting would it get if someone else made a list for you?

“It works a little like this with beliefs”

When we consider that the beliefs we currently believe – that dictate our waking thoughts – were actually decided by somebody else, we get a feeling for the real lack of control, we actually have over our lives. These are the kind of beliefs made for us during childhood:

1, Work five days a week

2, Chain yourself to routine

3, Stay with the same partner all your life

4, Worry about a pension

5, Chain yourself to debt

6, Money equals happiness

On our workshops you’ll get the chance to choose what you’d rather believe. What would you like to believe about your future? Can you see the advantage to living a more random life? Believe you can. It starts here.

Beautiful Partnerships Create Beautiful Families

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“It’s easy to see the relationship between the health of a parent’s partnership and the health of their families.”

When we consider the joy and love happy families create, it becomes doubly important, for us to be fully equipped before making that step, toward having a family of our own.

How many of us, on first setting out to meet and date members of the opposite sex, actually look that far into the future? How many of consider how healthy we could make our relationship in order for it to stand the tests of time? How many of consider if we could improve our understandings of relationships before starting a family; before bringing new life into the world?

My happiness is important to me. So much so, that my approach to how I find happiness has, at times, bordered on clinical. This is due to my experience and understandings of how important it is to ponder and plan out our daily lives. In terms of what I do, how I interact with people, and how I treat my mind, a constant state of awareness of these things, is important.

I suppose the main driving behind this, is my past; yes a negative past can drive a positive future, yet only through awareness and effort. If we have a limited, average awareness, we’re likely to perpetuate a negative past or slide into negative patterns of thought and behaviour. As an individual, raised by adult children with a dysfunctional relationship, I’m driven by a need to help others free their children of the distress this creates.

“Life can be full of sadness and difficulties, easily brought on by ourselves, simply through a lack of self-awareness. Raising our awareness is achieved through knowledge and greater understandings of our minds and how they work.”

If you believe your past has been happy, and your parents successful in their raising of you, you will of course be correct. Even though this may well be the case, we can only ever improve upon a job, you may consider well done, in order to increase the security, love and happiness we experience, through our future families.

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Beautiful Partnerships Create Beautiful Families

The health of our children is directly affected by the health of the relationships they experience around them. Your children, or future children, will watch you and your relationships very closely. They’re hungry for information on how to behave in the company of others. As a result, your behaviour, becomes theirs.

Single mothers, for example, often come from families where being raised by one parent was the norm, or where their parents relationship was so dysfunctional, it created high degrees of distress and sadness. It’s fairly obvious to state, most single mothers would rather not be, and yet they often fail to understand how their minds have fulfilled the unconscious, negative desire, to be single. It may sound very strange to suggest that being single – in difficulty and unhappy – has actually been created by design; odd but true.

“Through the recognition of how our minds equally and unquestioningly fulfill, that which is both useful and positive and that which is negative and destructive, we break free from the bonds of our unconscious programming.”

If we value our happiness, as much as we sensibly need to, educating ourself through gaining an adult perspective on planning and awareness, will reward us with a brighter future, and the improved likelihood, of healthy happy children.

Begin thinking now about how important you believe your future happiness to be and take a look at Partnership Workshops for 2018: inexpensive weekend workshops for both singletons and those in relationships.

The Currency of Love

“Of late, once again, I find myself stuck with negative feelings relating to my fellow man. At times it seems so hard to be positive and understanding of others.”

It’s when I feel this way that I know there needs to be some kind of internal change. My cynicism and revulsion perhaps has value in terms of me distancing myself from certain people, the only problem being, I tend to distance myself from everyone.

It’s the horrible generalisation – that all humans are egotistical takers – that’s damaging. Perhaps it’s when we have low self-esteem, and potentially slight depression, that we have such negative opinions of others, perhaps, in fact, we have a downer on ourselves.

Along with negative opinions we must be cautious of the current culture of over-analysing ourselves and others. We seem to be over thinking and over questioning our behaviours. From gender neutral child-rearing (the abuse of experimenting with another person’s life) to the size of our carbon footprint, we all seem to be getting a little bogged down with the detail.

“They say the devil is in the detail. Is it really? Confusion, over-thinking and over-analysis are only adding to our current distress.”

There can be no harm in just taking a step back and taking the time to understand the damage inflicted when our ego’s are out of control. The human will and the human ego are the reasons for so much beauty and also so much ugliness in the world. All we need do, is understand the simple roots, to so many of our problems, and we take out the confusion.

For example, there can be no harm in extracting good, tried and tested methods of child-rearing. Believe it or not mothers and fathers of the past did do some things right. Family units, where children felt secure, due to strong and powerful structure and effective boundaries, are not something we should question as being restrictive.

Building beautiful families (and indeed relationships – the root of a strong family) does in fact take a lot of effort. Is it the use of this effort and energy that so many of us are potentially looking to avoid? If it is, and we don’t want to devote ourselves to investing the necessary energy into building strong families, perhaps we should consider not having them at all.

“All we need is the ability to make this kind of decision by escaping our instinctive programming. There are other things we can do.”

Those of us who come from strong loving families tend to create the same in return. Those who come from strong loving families see the value in them. If we don’t know the value of creating strong relationships and families, we must either learn this, so as to give our children a powerful head-start in life, or simply give up on the idea.

Just never assume you’ll create a loving family if you’ve never experienced one. So if you go it alone, no harm done, enjoy your life and all that. You have permission to be free for God’s sake!

“Whether we like it or not, human children, with their developing ego and willpower, do need the kind of boundaries and structure we might find difficult to enforce.”

As parents we might find enforcing rules difficult through fear of falling out of our children’s favour. It’s a fallacy to think our children need to be our friends though. Enforcing structure and boundaries may at times feel uncomfortable, yet be rest assured, our children will feel more secure and loved as the result. In the long-term, we will reap the rewards – in society as a whole – when we once again embrace and understand the need for structure and boundaries when raising our children.

On recently reading the statistics, for the amount of young children referred to doctors for gender related issues, a little tremor of fear spread through my body: literally the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. Children’s minds are simply not developed enough to be left to themselves to decide what sex they want to be. Nature is easily relied upon when we are unsure as parents: if your child has a penis it’s a boy, and if the alternative of a vagina, it’s a girl. Simple. We socialise our children as boys and girls to create a type of balanced structure within society.

“When we project our dislike, or biased opinions and beliefs of what it is to be a man or a woman, we mold our children into being what they become: a reflection of those same beliefs and biased opinions no matter what genitals they’re born with.”

Uncertainty and confusion comes with growing up, it’s up to us, as parents, to help our children remove confusion and uncertainty – and not through a surgeon’s knife and injected hormones – but through love of ourselves and the opposite sex. Things are becoming so horribly complicated.

This brings me onto the recent stories surrounding sexual harassment. If, as a woman, you were raised with the belief and expectation that you’re simply an object of man’s desire, and its then up to you to manipulate and use this desire, you are then complicit in any kind of abuse. If you’re frightened of not getting that next promotion or acting role (same distinction) and so sleep with the director through this fear, you are then complicit.

“On the other hand, if your mother taught you that you’re a free individual, who will naturally be desired by men – and yet gave you the knowledge of how to use this in a constructive, not submissive or negative way – then you’re simply playing the game of life.”

When playing the game, to the extent you open your legs, more fool you. A good slap to the face of any potential abuser will do more to gain respect, all you need, in this instance, is less fear and a little more courage. Good, loving and strong mothers, instill this into the minds of our daughters.

The currency of love is the most valuable of all. This currency equips our children with the tools that enable them to push aside their ego and allow their will to prevail. In other words, the next acting role or job, is something to be gained due to high self-esteem and a powerful will, awarded through love in childhood. Our ego can be blind to the damage we can cause ourselves through striving for greatness.

“We love our children through setting strong boundaries and effective structure so they may flourish in their adult lives.”

Yes add colour to their lives by allowing them to be children, yet the black and white, of yes or no, rather than maybe, is equally as important. The currency of love has far greater value than we realise, all we need do, is understand how to implement it.

So much rebellion, so many fighting what they see as conformity. Love can never be allowing our children to run riot. Love can never be allowing our children to try and raise themselves. Children must have the security of structure and boundaries so they may grow into adults that contribute to a society that considers the needs of all. Remaining as rebellious children and then having children of our own is perpetuating confusion and disorder.

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Some might say that none of this matters. They may well be right and yet those of us who remember (instead of choosing to forget) the pain and fear, that comes with insecurity, loneliness and the disorder broken families create, think that it does matter. It matters a lot. It matters to our children. A person is free to choose who they are and what they want in life provided they are free of confusion. We constantly witness the troubled lives of adults with childhoods devoid of structure, love, boundaries and the effective guidance from powerful role models. It starts with you.

The Cycle of Your Mind

“Understanding and acknowledging the processes of your mind frees you. It frees you, because you cease looking to change a process, that to some degree, is unchangeable when we’ve inadequate resources to do so.”

In other words, wanting to feel different when down is pointless. All we need do, is allow the mind to cycle through its natural processes, and unwanted feelings will change with time. Put yet another way, endure and experience the whole range of your emotions – the mind must cycle through – and all will come good in time. Endure.

Changing or creating extremes of emotions with drugs – prescription or rec-reational – is only putting off the minds need to experience emotions that have the purpose of healing. The ultimate outcome of using drugs, to create a more favourable mood and cycle, is only a means of deferment. We only ever defer emotions the mind needs to experience for healing to take place.

“The mind is constantly seeking wholeness. We’re unwholesome as long as we look to defer our emotions. Simple. So stop with the drugs will y’all.”

The cycles of emotions we all experience differ from individual to individual. Some of us wake each day with only slight variations in how we feel. Although slight, this is still cycling, just less obvious than the individual, who wakes each morning, not knowing whether they’re coming or going.

Cycling through emotions is created through the tiring effect of our beliefs. Just as with a muscle, it’s impossible for the mind to hold on indefinitely, to one believe, it tires, and moves on to another, and another, and so on. Imagine waking up everyday thinking that life is meaningful, full of love and happiness; one day it may be, but the next, life can be just as easily seen as a struggle full of sadness, pain and fear. Here’s the trick though: when we rid ourselves of the negative, we’re enabling the mind to cycle from positive to positive. Our beliefs will not be the same from day to day, yet we will be cycling from one set of positive, uplifting beliefs, to another.

braincycleSome of us have belief cycles that take months or even years to complete. These individuals may feel fine for six months and then inexplicably fall into the abyss of despair. During this time of despair, the mind is cycling through sets of belief systems, it must experience, in order to find wholeness. When we look to defer these emotions we do ourselves a great disservice. To endure all of our emotions is to be accepting and loving of ourselves. No one said love would be easy.

Time is something we need to be aware of. Time is not always on our side, and so imagine being able to reach in, and find the beliefs it could take months or even years for the mind to reveal with time alone. These are the skills and resources you must seek to help your clients find wholeness within the time available. More time whole, is more time, fully living.

GOLD Counselling is the technique by which we reach within, find our negative beliefs, question and remove them psychotherapeutically. We free ourselves of these beliefs, firstly by acknowledging their existence, purpose and birthplace, and secondly, by understanding their irrelevance in the present moment.     

Fiction from Reality

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If I were to ask an imam, priest, bishop, or any religious ‘leader’ for that matter, who they worked for, they might say: “God.” I would then ask a secondary question: ‘How do you know God want’s you to work for him/her?’ I’m then likely to get a woolly response like this: “Oh well its a calling you see, you just know.” or better still: “It came to me in a dream.”

Now, if they where particularly canny (and lets face it most are) they might actually respond by saying they work for the people. If this were the answer given, I would then ask: ‘Under what authority are you working for the people?’ The answer must surely be: “Under Gods authority.” And again I ask: ‘How do you know?’

Apart from this calling, be it in dreams, teacups or clouds, we can never, and I repeat, never, really know if there is A, a God and B, a contract of employment he/she is prepared to issue. We can neither prove nor disprove the existence of God. This is very useful if you want to work within the fictional-reality of religious leadership.

It’s a little like me walking into a shop with a payment card, I’d earlier cut out of a piece of cardboard – I might write the words ‘Fictional Payment Card’ on it, just to be on the safe side – and on making payment for my goods asserting to the cashier:

“It’s okay I have a special account issued to me by God, so don’t worry, the bill’s covered! Oh, and bless you my child.”

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So, with all this in mind, we do have to ask ourselves: how exactly have we been hoodwinked into believing these charlatans for so many years? Do we just feel sorry for delusional people and then give them an income for the reward of teaching us fear and guilt? I suppose we do need people to bury us and marry us though don’t we? However, I do have a slight issue with been buried, or married for that matter, by someone, who, in the not too distant future, will be considered insane. Insane, or just very clever confidence tricksters? You decide.

Of course, we can know that there are many, many fictions in life, yet we do, as a general rule, have things set up to protect us from the tricksters: those who take money from us and generally abuse our human rights by constraining us and attempting to remove our freedoms, it’s called the law. Religious leaders though, have managed to place themselves above the law, for hundreds of years. How have they pulled it off?

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Joseph you Sucker!

“It basically comes down to us. Yes it’s our fault (bit of guilt there) because it’s on our insistence that we must continue to believe in the things that really do belong in childhood.”

Life beyond death, a higher authority (other than the laws the universe works under) resurrections, virgin births, burning bushes etc. (in there most literal sense) are of course, fiction. Yet we continue to teach our poor, defenceless and vulnerable children, to believe these things, as fact. This is how the whole system (the world over) is set up, so that a few religious leaders, can lord it over us, exert fictional power over us, and generally live it up at our expense, remarkable. Some might say genius.

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Fact or Fiction?

We do only have ourselves to blame though. As long as we continue to confuse fact from fiction we’re buggered. As long as we continue to teach religious fiction, as fact, in schools, we’re buggered. Most of us don’t really have an issue with a few priest, imams or whoever, having easy lives at our expense. After all they do look after our spiritual values and keep us all in check, living good, compassionate and loving lives. All of that would surely fall apart without them would it not?

Or would we still live this way simply because we know, intuitively and empathetically, how to behave and treat each other in a loving, compassionate manner? Is this not common sense? Perhaps parents who taught common sense, empathy, and what it means to love and show compassion, would be more effective?

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Find reality

“It stands to reason, if we continue to hold people in high regard, who are quite simply deceiving us, we’re never going to advance to the point we’re able to separate facts from fiction ourselves.”

We’re confused, and the time really has come now, to step out of confusion. When there are people – we respected and looked up to as children – leading us, keeping us confused, because of their inability to separate themselves from childhood beliefs, we remain underdeveloped and immature ourselves.

The confusion, felt by young, impressionable Muslims, (especially those living here in the west) is a pain we’re all beginning to experience (see: The Poison in OUR Societies).  To live amongst free people, as a restricted, guilty and frightened subservient, of a nonexistent God, is a pain we must begin to see, for what it really is: A fictional-reality created by charlatans, living easy lives, getting off on the power.

Imagine a world were there are no constraints of a religious nature placed upon us. We could, if we really put our minds to it, be free, trusting our ability to live in harmony, under rules we can see in plain site: The Rules of the Universe.

The Poison in OUR Societies

You can imagine a young child, having taken poison, closing her eyes, sticking her fingers in her ears, saying over and over again: “Can’t see, can’t see, can’t see, not listening, not listening, not listening.”

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Religion, radicalisation, extremism, you name it, are poison and red herrings. The real problem is something very different. The real problem is simply a matter of identity.

“The process of letting go of ones identity and then taking up another is a very tricky and difficult transition. Young Muslims in Europe have a fight on their hands right now; a fight within themselves.”

Just as with many countries in Europe, being young and Muslim in this country (UK) will have its challenges. Take some time to think about what the rest of society is up to. On the one hand you are surrounded by young and beautiful people living their lives as free individuals. Doing what they want, going where they want, with who they want, just being young and free. And then on the other hand as a Muslim you will feel the pull of this life and also the pull of your religion. You will be facing great conflict.

You will see the attractive lifestyle, of the rest of society, and you will feel its pull. You will also feel the pull of the complexes created, and the constraints placed on you, by your religion. Think of who taught you religion and when this was.

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The most powerful beliefs we hold are formed when we’re at our most vulnerable and emotionally immature. Amongst others we’re taught our beliefs (religious included) by those we long to be loved by: our parents.

When we lose the internal fight between what we want and what our beliefs need (fulfilment) we may turn this frustration, and feelings of rejection, into anger and perhaps even rage. We then need an outlet, so along comes the extreme version of our beliefs: hatred of the freedom we deny ourselves.

We then want to cut it down or blow it up so that our fight will be over and our teachers will love us more.

We can no longer cover our ears and close our eyes to the fight of our young Muslims. We need to find a way to help them break from the limiting, outdated beliefs they’re still being taught. Religion is a poison in our societies.

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http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/uk-40172933/khuram-butt-s-uncle-condemns-london-bridge-attack

beliefs

Take the Easy Route

“​Today is going to be filled with good news, yep good news all around, and I’m going to start with a blinder (or eye opener depending on your perspective)”

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This good news I’m sharing with you, starts to take real effect, when we help each other shatter some very limiting beliefs and illusions. The first illusion I’m going to help you remove (so you may help others) is the one concerning comfort and ease.

Currently most of us believe we are living a life that is built on making our experience of it as comfortable as possible, that is to say, the system – or patterns of thinking we’re following –  are the one’s designed to make life easy and comfortable.

To expand, consider what is meant by the term ‘Social Norms.’ Fitting in with social norms means we’re following the path of least resistance, and as such, you may think this is the easiest way to live life: to fit in.

There is the illusion, right there. What if the reality, of the social norms most of us are living under, were in fact one of the most difficult ways of life? What, if the world we’ve built around ourselves, was in fact designed by a limited few, simply for their own comfort? What if the lives, the majority of us live out, were in fact the tedious trudge of struggling to find something that will always remain an illusion.

Think of the man working night shifts in a hotel. He calls into his local newsagent, every morning to spend a massive percentage of his wage on lottery tickets, in the hope of escaping his horrible life: illusion. Think of all the gentle souls wondering when it will be ‘their turn’ to get some kind of lucky break, a lucky break that involves happiness through money and lifestyle: illusion.

“It’s when we’re striving for equality – in this regard – that makes life hard. Chasing illusions is the hardest way to live and the easy path was the one we’ve been told to stay clear of. Social Norm?”

It’s my belief, the key to living a life to its fullest – and not necessarily form joy to joy or leisure to pleasure (like it or not, we must have some challenges and pain in life) – is freedom.

“The kind of freedom I’m talking of here is freedom of thought. When or thinking is expanded, beyond social norms, we’re then able to see the difficulties therein.”

In other words by questioning established patterns of thinking we free our minds to look elsewhere. Let me explain:

It’s often the case that those who drop-out from society are seen as living a very difficult existence. Images of sleeping rough, drinking problems, mental health issues etc. come to mind. What though, of those individuals who live outside social norms, and yet thrive? I’m talking, of course, about artists.

Those who live a creative life, and not just a life that has creativity in it, one that is creative as a whole, live freer lives. To put it another way, those who live their whole lives in a creative manner, live freer lives.

“To live creatively is to live against social norms, in fact, there are those who would say that social norms stifle creativity.”

At it’s base level, one of the most influential factors to living and thinking freely, is belief. Questioning beliefs, built by a system that favours the few, is where we must begin.

Consider how religious beliefs only truly favour the few. It’s those at the top of the hierarchical systems, built into religions, that are favoured. These people scam a seemingly effortless, comfortable life, at the expense of all others. This is achieved by maintaining control of the masses through fear and guilt.

These precious few, at the top of the religious hierarchical systems, continue to con us into believing they’re working for God. Be assured, they are not, they’re working for themselves.

“They’re self-employed decorators who constantly need to paint over the cracks of their lies, hypocrisy and deceit. I wouldn’t allow them near my house, would you?”

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We believe in this when we’re kept in a system of control through fear and guilt that belongs in the past

Helping others question their beliefs is one of my missions in life. It continues here. Notice these two pictures:

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We experience this when we believe life is about having
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We experience this when we believe life is about giving

Once empowered through knowledge and understanding, what we choose to believe, can be up to us. All we need do, is begin to question where, when and how we learned what we believe. Our beliefs then become only something we believed back then, and in the present moment now. The future? The future is up to us and what we choose to make it.​

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Image Credited To: Pinterest https://www.pinterest.com/source/bobbybones.com

Living a freer life, really can be this simple, when we think creatively.

Chaos and Love

“It makes you wonder really: why would a terrorist, who sees the outpouring of love after one of his ‘comrades’ atrocities go on to cause further bloodshed?”

Surely, if immediately following an act of terror – and the media chose to only show this outpouring of love – would it not be sensible to have a rethink? If the ultimate outcome is seen to be love, compassion and courage, what is the point of the terrorist? Is it not division and hatred the terrorists want?

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Of course what the terrorist relies on is the rage, anger and division that isn’t always so prevalent in the immediate aftermath of a terrorist atrocity. Let’s say the terrorist is an islamic fundamentalist who believes he’s fighting for the rights of muslims. Is he, in actual fact, doing this?

“What we’re led to believe, here in the west, is that terrorism has very little to do with muslims and everything to do with extremism.”

Perhaps those who tell us this are correct. However, if we pause for a moment, we will see islamic state (so called) do in fact have everything to do with the muslim religion and the oppressive nature of religion generally.

Is it not the case that terrorism is more about the control and oppression of muslims, than the terrorising of westerners, and their seeming Godless lack of ideals? Is it not the case that fundamentalist despise the assimilation of their ‘brothers and sisters’ into the more relaxed western lifestyle. We could ask ourselves: Is there currently an overt or covert rejection of religious people by the white middle classes? Look and you’ll see it all to clearly.

The alienation of muslims, and religious people in general, may well be the ultimate unintended outcome of terrorism. And if this is the case – although a very painful process of instigating the death of religion – there is a payoff that is often unseen by the terrorist: love, compassion and togetherness from those affected, that is completely devoid of any religious influence. It’s teaching us the completely unnecessary nature of religion in 2017. No one needs religion to know how to love.

“For us all to do the right and proper thing, we must question the usefulness of any ideology and belief system that oppresses human beings, in any form.”

Archaic, limiting thinking, is maintained when we continue to fervently support and follow beliefs, that were formed in underdeveloped times. The year is 2017, so much of what we believed, in all the years prior to this date, is now obsolete.

Times are a changing and wouldn’t it be lovely to bring more of us on? If you need to believe in a God, believe in the nature of the universe, and call this your God. Hold on to the past and it will drag you down like quicksand. The past is gone, the future is only imagined. Living now, as an individual who believes love is empowerment; filtering your actions, behaviour and thoughts, through the bias of love, is the way forward, now. We are finding love from the chaos.

Build Quality

Personal Development

“It’s a certain fact the Germans are good at building cars. And so with this in mind, does it automatically follow, that we should all buy German? I know that if I were in the market for a new car I’d want the best.”

So how about if there were two near identical cars, with the main, discernible differences between them, being the price and where they’re manufactured? Well this is the very situation: two near identical cars, one built in the Czech Republic, the other built in Germany. The most obvious difference between them is the badge on the bonnet.

“If we’re honest most people will opt for the badge that represents the car manufacturer they know and trust. Yet what is becoming increasingly clear, is we can never really be sure who or what we know, and who we can trust.”

In real terms, the badge on the bonnet, is worth very little in comparison to the thousands we’re likely to part with when buying the car it’s attached to. Where the symbolism of a badge comes into its own is when it represents something we believe in. Symbols and the associated beliefs are worth a lot of money.

The belief is the key. If we believe in it, we can be blinded, even hoodwinked into spending so much more than we needed to. Who would’ve believed that a car company millions believed in and trusted would be accused of deliberately misleading governments and its customers? It was all quite a surprise was it not?

This aside, the other issue we must consider, is build quality. When a product goes on the market, sold at a markedly cheaper price, again our first instinct is to question why? We wonder how the difference in price can be explained, and again we come to the conclusion, that the cheaper product is potentially substandard in some way. Again this is often down to our beliefs and expectations. If there is a large difference in price we immediately become suspicious.

“Build quality is often improved through errors, and oh boy, have Škoda made a few of those.”

There are those of us who are able to suspend beliefs and expectations though. Consider the car manufacturer Subaru. Thirty years ago you’d have been considered a fool if you’d bought one, and now? Now, the name Subaru, is synonymous with sexy.

quality

“When we’re able to suspend our beliefs and expectations, not only do we open ourselves up to new and unexpected experiences, we can save thousands (our time and energy).”

The sting in the tale to this story is that both cars, referred to at the top of this post, are built by people who work for the same company, so the only real difference, is where they’re built. So who should you trust now then?

“Perhaps it’s a leap of faith that will enable us to suspend our expectations and beliefs.”

And so when it comes to understanding your mind and beliefs – through personal and professional development – there may be a few options to choose from. We’re certainly not the cheapest, yet if you need to understand the price difference, it’s simply because our heads are held the highest, and our overheads the lowest.

evil

A Malevolent Smile

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Were the Vikings evil? Or do we think them brave conquerors?

When it comes to personal beliefs, one thing I’ve always refused to believe in, is evil. It’s my belief that evil is often confused with fear or lack. Also, when we’re unable to explain away the actions of our fellow man, evil is often used as a ‘get-out-clause.’

“When we say: “What an evil person” this relieves us of our responsibility to the child they once were. We feel less guilt when we label certain individuals as evil.”

There is an important distinction for me to draw here: even though we may refuse to believe in evil, it doesn’t automatically follow, that the beliefs others may hold, doesn’t make evil relevant in the world today. In other words, others, who believe that evil exists, and indeed that it has a power, make evil, and the network of beliefs that built it, something that has force or energy. Believe in anything and we give that ‘anything’ energy.

Imagine you believed that evil has as much right, to be a relevant force here on earth, as the belief in love does. Imagine how it would be, believing the force of evil to be strong, and that following a path, the beliefs in evil dictate, will in fact get you all the things you desire here on earth. Imagine you believed that there was no such thing as love and that evil – inasmuch as self-centeredness is a correct way to be –  will award you a good if not fine standard of life.

“In fact, we don’t actually need to believe in evil at all, we simply need to lack the belief that it’s important to do the right thing by our fellow man, and that there is such a thing as the love of all people and love of truth.”

Is it not the case, that consideration for our fellow man, is borne of beliefs related to love? If we lack belief, this is simply as effective, as there actually being something like a force of evil.

Very recently I meet a famous individual. He’s very rich, very popular, flamboyant, and doesn’t shy away from exhibiting his wealth. Good luck to him you might say, and to some extent, I would agree. The only problem, I have with the financially wealthy though, are their lies. Be wealthy by all means, just don’t feel you need to protect yourself – or place yourself on some kind of pedestal – through lying. It is NOT money that makes wealthy people happy, it’s busy, creative lives, that does that. Never feed into the illusion, that wealthy people often project (to the young), that it’s their wealth making them happy.

“Buying into this illusion will ultimately lead to unhappiness, perhaps even despair. It’s no wonder so many of our young feel despairing. They’re being fooled by the lies of those who create illusion to maintain their popularity.”

Sure, money’s nice, it’s a lovely facilitator, however, some of the happiest people I’ve known in the past, would have been considered poor by modern standards. Believe it or not, the reason they, and those now like them, are happy and contented, is because they’re surrounded by love. It seems to me, that it can often be a one or the other situation: Love or Money; no doubt also a belief.

I feel we can take this slightly further than belief though. The reason I feel this way, is because of the evidence. If it’s simply the money you’re after, I really doubt you’ll be a happy, loving individual. Alternatively, if by consequence of being extremely good and happy with what you’re doing, you get rich, this is a different situation entirely.

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Arriving by helicopter isn’t all it’s cracked-up to be

The chemistry for being wealthy – and happy – is simply to have made your money through doing the things you love. What I sensed, from the pop star I recently met, was a high degree of arrogance and loneliness, (not to mention the malevolent smile). Money can no doubt offset a lot of loneliness – and excuse an arrogance the young look-up to – just be sure you make a lot of it, as fighting off loneliness, is an expensive business. Be wealthy, yet never believe you can Cheat-am all, all of the time, I’m not that easily fooled. א

LOVE

Love

There’s a massive part of me that thinks: Really, what is the point? And the thing is, I really need to overcome this, or I become pointless too.

If more people asked themselves: What is the point in me? We might live in a better world. So many of my observations come down to age and experience. With this in mind, we must show humility, in terms of understanding, how it once was to be young and foolish. Don’t get me wrong; I don’t assume for a moment that I’m completely over foolishness, I’m not, however with a little love and a little help, we can advance so very, very quickly.

All we need do is apply ourselves and start thinking. Thinking, or not as the case may be, seems to be one of the major reasons why we’re currently experiencing so much turmoil (have we ever been free of turmoil?). When we step back and really consider things before we act, life would be so much better. It doesn’t take so called intelligence to be a better person either. All we need to do is start thinking.

“Cause and effect: What will/might happen if I say/do this? Is this the correct/loving thing to do? What is the point in my actions/words? What am I looking to achieve?”

All of that we do, that’s of a negative motivation and purpose, is self-destructive. We’ve known for thousands of years that it all comes back to us in the end: what we think and do is what we become. I believe we know, deep down, whether our actions are of good intention or not.

When I was younger, very few of my actions were consciously based on love, and the empowerment of others. The reason for this was simply because of my ignorance. Ignorance, or lack of belief, of the benefits to always being mindful, that what I say and do, must be based on one thing, and one thing only: love. Be cautious if your instinct is to scoff and dismiss this through sounding like a cliché.

“Lack of thought is driving so many of the troubles in the world. People who think like me are openly criticised for over-simplification, yet those who criticise us are only feeding their own self-centered desires to sound clever, through intellectualization.”

There IS a one fix all panacea – the intellectuals dismiss this as over-simplification – and for the very reason it’s not working: they don’t understand it either. They don’t understand love.

Love is empowerment. Love is a: “Hand-up not a hand-out” as John Bird put it. If we all stopped looking for complicated, intellectual solutions, and simply understood the real reasons and value for basing every decision we make (as best we can) on the empowerment of others, the world really could change overnight.

Allow me to give you an example. Why do you imagine the leader of North Korea is so intent on testing missiles? Why does he believe he needs nuclear arms? It’s simple – the simplest answers are always the ones to look for – he’s frightened.

What happens when you corner a frightened animal? What is the fight or flight instinct? Frightened people are dangerous people. He may believe he loves his people and as such believes he needs to protect them. He may believe the rest of the world want’s rid of him. He may feel ostracised and alienated. It would be far better to simply leave him well alone, as you would any cornered, frightened animal.

“Trump is falling into the trap so many frightened people set: to be attacked and rejected.”

What would it take to empower a frightened xenophobic leader? Quite possibly all that’s needed is understanding. Why? How is it he behaves the way he does? Is there any hope for a man who was raised in an atmosphere of paranoia, fear and mistrust? What is the solution to dealing with this person other than violence? How could we empower him and remain safe ourselves?

Consider what kind of world we would live in if every potential parent – understood these questions – and then asked them before procreating:

If love is empowerment what is the correct way to raise a child?

If the authority on parenting is love should we not fully understand it first?

What is self-centeredness and it’s dangers?

How healthy is my relationship and could it be stronger?

Do I understand love?

“I believe all we can sensibly do is look to add more love to the mix. The main issue we must deal with, right now, is our understanding of this force. We must hone and nurture the force of this poorly understood emotion. We must allow our understanding to evolve.”

We can assist this process by understanding why we seek it’s opposites: Why do we fear? Why do we hate? Why do we envy? Why do we control?

All of these things are aspects of the human condition, that raise themselves, simply through the ignorance of their effect on others and ourselves. When we’re taught the value of loving ourselves and our fellow man, from an early age, we have no need for the wisdom that age takes so long to find. When it’s clear to us what love is (empowerment) and we’re taught how to think, and bias our thoughts through the filters of love, we will all have better lives: simple.

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Teach our children how to think and how to love, because it would seem, that right now, we need to add some to the mix.

Teach our children how to think and how to love, because it would seem, that right now, we need to add some to the mix.

Personal Development

Alter the Filters

Golden Cog Gears with Personal Development Concept.

“Allow me to paint a picture for you. You’re in a dilemma. Caught between the devil and the deep blue sea, as the saying goes. On the one hand you have the option of a gamble – plain and simple.”

You put your money down and then wait and see if your numbers come up. On the other hand you have a private pension, that you’ve ignored for many, many years and yet now feel you’re in a position to start contributing some regular cash, but only if you don’t gamble. It’s a one or the other situation.

The gamble is a business venture, that has no guarantees, no insurance etc, but requires large sums of money before any income is likely to be seen. The pension currently has a pot that’s just about large enough to piss in. You can’t touch this until retirement age and to make the pot bigger, than simply one you could only piss in, you must start contributing, and do this right now.

Option one, you gamble and potentially open up your life in extraordinary ways. Option two, you live a steady, safe and predictable life, feeling relatively comfortable. Neither happy nor unhappy.

Okay, picture painted. Now, the main reason for this dilemma is the fact you don’t gamble. In fact, so averse to gambling are you, that after taking up the offer of a fun night out at the local casino, all that happened was you spent the whole evening desperately trying to win back the two hundred pounds you lost within the first half hour. On returning home, after this ‘fun’ night out, you promptly threw up! That’s an aversion to gambling.

Let me take your mind back. Imagine the main reason for your aversion to gambling is a complex set up by your father. This is to say, during your childhood it was drummed into you, through no uncertain terms, that “gambling is a mug’s game!” Many would agree. However, spending a little time with a Personal Development Coach, Counsellor or Hypnotherapist may well show you some clear and interesting distinctions.

“In business you do need to be prepared to take a gamble. A complex established in childhood, similar to the one described above, will be limiting you.”

The way in which we filter, and as such see and experience our lives, is primarily through our early lessons and the beliefs formed from them. Professional assistance would help you remove these filters (provided they were a Licenced GOLD Counsellors that is) and help you understand the limiting nature of the generalisation: Not ALL gambling is a mugs game.

On the surface you may be thinking: what’s the problem, just be sensible and put your cash into the pension. Surely it’s the better option; the safe option? And my response would be this: Where did playing safe ever get us? When we ask the individual in question about the person who taught them: gambling’s a mugs game, what are we likely to learn? That they led a safe life? Umm… to me, safe means: predictable, boring and humdrum. A sort of half life.

So there we are: If you truly want to live, Alter the Filters. They’re not always there for our better good. Live a little, take a gamble, you’ll never regret it. And besides, retirement, what exactly is that then, time to start dying?

A Puppet to Your Beliefs

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Take control of what lies beneath the surface

If every individual took responsibility for themselves, and acted within guidelines based on love and integrity, what kind of world would we live in?

If every parent and teacher understood the power and influence of their beliefs, how would this affect our children?

If you’re unhappy with your life, the expectations of others, or indeed the way of life dictated to you, how would it be if this conflict were to be cured?

Be objective and take a moment to consider the world we live in. Do the troubles of the world outway the comfort, love and happiness we all generally feel? It’s said that even though our quality of life is better than it’s ever been, we’re still not any happier today, than we were a hundred years ago. Staggering when you think of that.

“What can we put this down to? Potentially this has a lot to do with how the realities of life often don’t match our beliefs and expectations. Again, at it’s base, we can consider this a conflict. Conflict between belief, reality and the ideal.”

Consider how, just today, the living wage has risen here in the UK. Does this wage rise mean that all of a sudden two million people are now going to have better lives? On the surface we would say yes, however, once those two million people have grown accustomed to the extra cash, over time they will begin to seek more, leading to unhappiness, once again. The human condition no less. Are we not all just April fools?

What if we had expectations of life that matched, or were slightly lower, than the reality? In other words what if we were already comfortable and contented earning seven pounds twenty per hour? What if the extra thirty pence became a surplus? Would this make us happy; to have more than we need? Most of the world’s population believe they need more than they have. Is this not the root to unhappiness?

Is it not the belief we need more – or at the very least be equal to others – that breeds discontent and unhappiness? What is equality anyway? How would it be if we believe happiness is purpose? And what if we believe that this purpose were to live a simple life, giving of oneself, finding contentment in needing nothing other than the clothes on our backs, roofs over our heads, and food in our bellies? What if we all understood the reasons for why this seems so hard to achieve?

What if we helped children find contentment rather than teaching them to constantly seek achievement? What if we taught children that being great is to live a simple life, living within your means, never taking more than you give to the world? Does this sound like a dream? Does it sound like idealistic claptrap?

It will sound this way if we’re caught up in the world’s beliefs and caught up in the games of our wilful egos’. When we master the driving of our id – our instinctive selves – only then will we find true happiness. Those who have this must live as example to all others.

“The only problem being, these people seem to be in the tiny minority, with the smallest of voices. The thing to remember though, is if you’re seeking to be truly happy, listening to the whispers of the hushed minority, is the game you must now play.”

It is possible, even when living amongst the deafness of this world, to hear, loudest of all, whispers of the wise. Work that one out, if you will.

Thoughts, Words and Worlds

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A World of Words

From the moment we’re born the world is introduced to us through words. From a midwife exclaiming “Oh look it’s a little hitler!” – purely because the child was born close to the date of hitler’s birthday – to a mother’s first words to her daughter: “you’re just so beautiful,” all these words, have influence over us to varying degrees, for the rest of our lives.

A word spoken can be very different to a word thought. Let’s take the example of the midwife calling a mothers newborn son a ‘little hitler.’ No doubt at the time: 1 am 21st April 1965, with the mother and midwife having lived through world war ll, it was potentially heard as a joke. If it had been left in that moment, then perhaps this would have held true, however, with the child’s mother repeating this ‘joke’ on every birthday over the years, the joke turned into something else. What effect, do you imagine, would there be to the individual described as a ‘little hitler’ on every birthday during his childhood? No effect, some effect or a cataclysmic effect?

You may think I’m being dramatic to describe a supposed joke, repeated every year, for many years, as having a cataclysmic effect, however, this would be to underestimate the power of words and language; one of the few things that attempts to separate us from the barbarism of nature.

“Consider the cumulative effect.”

As our ‘little hitler’ grows, begins to learn about war, and specifically the ideology and beliefs of hitler, understandings, both false and true, begin to formulate in his mind. Now, pause for a moment if you’re assuming I’m going to tell you all about a child who started to turn into a monster. In fact due to some very different words, also heard during his childhood, our ‘little hitler’ pursued a very different path indeed. He was drawn toward the priesthood. Cataclysmic to say the least, as being a priest – outside of any priesthood – is likely to be an indescribable pain to endure. Far better for the newborn boy to have simply been described as beautiful.

Now, you might be thinking: hold on, how does being labelled a little hitler link and connect to being drawn to the priesthood? To answer that question, all we need do, is understand that the part of the mind we’re dealing with, doesn’t communicate through logic. Consider dreams, how often do we wake from a dream thinking: ‘well that made perfect sense?’ And so, when we think of the potential for anger – at being associated with a monster purely through gender and birth date – this anger can have a provocative, reversed effect on the individual. Consider the often spoke about successes of individuals who’ve been told by teachers: “you’ll never amount to anything lad.”

And so, words, spoken out loud and heard in childhood, become our very thoughts and quite obviously continue to influence us in profound ways. Words and the process of our minds are intrinsically linked and connected. Feelings are expressed through words. Intentions are expressed through words. Our lives are expressed through words. Our beliefs and thoughts are expressed through words.

“That final truism is the domain of the GOLD Counsellor. When we take a thought or feeling, expressed in a word, and write it down, we then have a snapshot of that thought or feeling.”

Changing tack slightly for a moment, our use of language may grow as we get older, however, the feelings we’re describing, remain the same as the feelings first felt as a child. For example, we may write down the word: exuberant – to describe how we currently feel – and yet we may have described this feeling as ‘smiley’ when we were small. So even though we’ve used a ‘grown-up’ word in the present, the feeling associated was one we first felt many years ago.

Back on point. Pinpoint Analysis, takes these written words and identifies the very moment we first associated them with the feelings. In other words if we described ourself as a ‘happy person’ on paper, it’s possible – through the GOLD Counselling Methodology – for us to pinpoint the very moment we first learned this belief (thought).

More importantly, if there are times when we’d label ourselves in a negative light, let’s say ‘unkind’ and we were also encouraged to write this down, we could explore the very moment that feeling was linked in the mind to the word. We may well find that the feeling was driven by a childlike mentality, and this new understanding, would empower us to step away from such a limiting belief. Is it not the case that to be unkind is to be emotionally stunted? Are terrorists emotionally and mentally stunted?

So there we are: feelings become words become beliefs. We are bound to our thoughts and feelings linguistically; we are the words we use, as we are the beliefs we use language to describe – they are are one and the same. Understand where we first felt the feelings and we understand where we first learned the words that described them. The words we use describe both feelings and beliefs.

When raising children we must be very cautious in our use of language. The child who doesn’t wish to share his toys, or punches his classmates for that matter, is not unkind, he is simply emotionally immature.

“Without intervention the neglected, love starved child, remains emotionally stunted and immature all his life.”

Words

We emotionally stunt the child when we fail to explain the value in behaving in a different way. When we encourage children (through love) to share, and see the value in being gentle with each other – and then perpetually describe them as ‘kind’ – we have a better chance of raising children to become humankind, rather than what we’re currently seeing within the terrorist mind.

“Be assured: a terrorist’s hatred will have been seeded at a very early age and didn’t necessarily have anything to do with his current cause. Now they’re older they have simply found an outlet. That, is all there is to it, nothing more.”

There are those who would prefer we didn’t recognise this, as it once again – and rightfully so – increases and places the burden of responsibility, fairly and squarely on parenting. It emphasises the importance of love and emotional maturity within the worlds parents.

abortion to the core

Abortion (to the core)

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Is life the moment cells divide?

It can be challenging to write about something you don’t particularly have strong opinions on. When needing to give constructive, balanced and impartial advice though, there are times when freedom from strong opinion, or bias, can be useful. When opinion isn’t charged with the anger, of unresolved issues of a personal nature, the information shared will tend to be of a balanced nature, enabling you to make up your own mind, having been better informed.

“Being better informed is the name of the game here and to deal properly with such an emotive, and potentially complicated issue, will empower you to help yourself and others, should the issue of abortion raise its head.”

As a therapist, or someone who is simply interested in personal development, our objective must be to seek out the roots to any issue. The roots, to many emotionally charged sticking points, or problems we humans face, often lie at a deeper level than consciousness.

Now, straight away, remove any assumption that this complicates matters. If anything, it simplifies reaching the understanding necessary, for why we have sticking points and problems, that seem beyond our control. Problems and unresolved issues that lie deeper than our conscious awareness, will obviously prove to be something we’re unable to change, simply through discussion. Deeper intervention is now called for.

“Looking deeper, at the issue of abortion, has now become a necessity.”

From the standpoint of beliefs, we must understand, that should an individual – who’s considering an abortion – carry a high degree of limiting and negative beliefs about themselves, these beliefs will be influencing them in ways, that should never be underestimated. For example, would the belief – I am worthless – be the reason a person needed sex (unprotected or not) in the first place? Sex may well make a person feel valued, yet the pending abortion, will only be an expression of the belief: I am worthless or hopeless. For that matter, any number of negative beliefs, relating to the self, will influence self-destructive behaviour.

Having unprotected sex at an inappropriate time or age and taking the risk of pregnancy, with the option of abortion in mind, may well be the unconscious minds desire to fulfil negative, self-limiting beliefs. When viewed in a certain way the emotional upset, relating to abortion, can stay with a woman all her life, constantly acting as confirmation of her negative beliefs.

Beliefs also come into play when a person has been taught – during their own childhood – that pregnancy is a means for control, either over the state, or the state of a man’s mind. When this is the case, and the game fails, there is then no need for a child that was simply being used (once again within the epidemic of self-centeredness) as a chess piece within a game of fear. Abortion simply rejects, or takes back, a wrong move. A move, incidentally, forbidden in the real game of chess, and potentially, in the long term, forbidden within the emotional stakes of the game of life.

No one can deny – no matter how hard we try – that once cells begin to divide, life has been created. We can argue that this life is governed by those who created it. That whether or not a fetus goes to term, is entirely the choice of the woman carrying that life; it is growing in her body after all. We can argue, because life is so plentiful on this planet, that aborting one small example of it, is really of no concern, whatsoever. We can argue, a child carried to term by a guilty woman, holding self-destructive beliefs, would be a child better off dead. However, we could also argue, ‘better off dead’ is in fact, a complete nonsense.

“And if we say, any life is better than death, could we not consider adoption? Perhaps this is not seriously considered though, due to the risk of it being a greater emotional dilemma, than abortion.”

Six hundred and sixty nine words in and we can clearly see, the issue of abortion, is no easy one to address. Even so, I’m going to add a further consideration: Revenge and rejection, oh yes! What better way to reject the self – and it’s self loathing – than to abort a life it’s carrying. What better way to tell an abusive controlling man: f**k you! What better way to tell any man: f**k you. What better way to resolve a game gone wrong.

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All things considered, when we create life, as an act designed for control, or to confirm limiting, negative beliefs, the root is the issue. The root is properly addressed through educating the children that have survived. The ones who haven’t survived are dead, and the dead, no longer matter. It’s the living we must focus our attention on now.

“We all know prevention is better than cure, and to avoid the complicated issues, playing with life and death potentially raise, we must come to understand, the root and cause, that leads to the damaging effects.”

solution, solutions

Buddhism: Is this the Answer to Inequality, Poverty, and Injustice?

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“If you’ve ever reached a point in your life, where you seem unable to find the solution, to calming your reactions to the everyday struggles of life, you may find yourself turning to Buddhism.”

The reason I say this, is because the belief systems associated with Buddhism, and its many divisions, give us all an excuse, or reason, to simply cease the struggle and quest to reach for greater meaning to our lives. If we’re to seek greatness, and leave some kind of legacy for the benefit of humanity, Buddhism must be rejected, just as Buddhism seems to reject humanity itself.

Non-attainment, non-attachment, the belief in ‘emptiness’ – that we have no identity and are simply all as one with no individuality – that life is suffering, due to our constant craving for more stimulation and more of the things that make us feel, are all within the remit of Buddhism. As such, the often seen images of laughing Buddhists, are a contradiction in themselves. Laughter is an antidote to guilt and fear, emotions the successful Buddhist, would never carry.

There are many contradictions throughout life if we look for them. It could be said, any good philosopher is likely to be filled with contradictions, as this is due process to his craft, as such, contradictions can be beneficial to some. However, when a belief system claims to be the path to Nirvana (death and freedom from suffering), or in the case of Christianity, Heaven (something better than life) is filled with contradictions, the only word that comes to mind is hypocrisy. And once we see hypocrisy, this is reason enough, to dismiss it, entirely.

“If we’re not very cautious, the need to escape struggles, and find greater meaning, becomes the need to escape life and our humanity altogether.”

Frustration is a necessary means to seek the solution. Without the emotion of frustration we will fail to advance. Without wanting to free our minds from our negative emotions: frustration, or fear, or guilt, for that matter, we simply fail to want betterment. To just exist for the sake of existing; to just wake everyday, eat, work and then sleep, is to be half dead. If we fail to feel – even if these feelings are considered negative – we fail to advance.

“I cannot imagine for a moment, if all of humanity were to adopt the beliefs of Buddhism, or any spiritual ‘way’ or ‘path,’ for that matter, that we’d advance beyond the death of our star.”

We may have been born here, yet I refuse to believe, we’re meant to die here. I believe we must strive to understand our minds better – in terms of the need for our emotions – rather than look to be less of a human through believing life is suffering.

We may suffer for a short while, until we realise, that suffering, is in fact, a choice. We choose to seek the solutions, because we suffer, without suffering, we’re nothing. It is simply unacceptable to say the solution to feeling frustration is to remove it by ceasing betterment. 

It may seem an odd interpretation (that there is purpose to suffering) however it’s a similar situation to the child who has little control over their emotions. From moment to moment they seem to shift: happy and giggling one moment, crying and screaming the next. It’s our job, as adults, to help the children temper and tame their unruly emotions. We do this through better understanding their purpose. For example, if we fail to be angry, at the injustice and inequality in the world, we fail to change it.

With this said:

“The elite are likely to be very happy with Buddhist beliefs because it excuses their inability, or unwillingness, to do anything truly constructive about inequality and injustice. To encourage spiritual ‘ways,’ I feel, is to fail. This relates to my revulsion to sentimentality: it helps no one.”

The availability of modern medicine, clean water and good education, will never become a global phenomena, when we continue to encourage charity and sentimentality. The belief systems that seek a solution to poverty and inequality, by simply rejecting our humanity, are just as ineffective in the long term.

Alternatively, encouraging the adoption of belief systems, that give us all purpose to strive onward, and indeed upward, are the solutions to encouraging advancement.

We will never achieve true greatness when there are parts of the world where people remain with limited access to clean drinking water, or modern medicines, or where billions are trapped, living in abject poverty, with a fortunate few having control over all the wealth. We must see this as unacceptable.

“We will never have true greatness when we fail to follow good examples of leadership.”

We will never have true greatness, whilst parents continue to believe it’s okay to have lackadaisical attitudes, to their responsibilities, to a fellow human being. Inequality continues to exist when we fail to feel and empathise in a constructive way.

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Once we’re all consciously aware of our real, meaningful purpose (to improve the quality of life for all and to become the masters of our minds and environment), our first objective must be equality. Without this we continue to carry the limiting guilt associated. We could all just laugh about it though, and then carry on as normal. Or better still, watch a sentimental documentary or news report, and be guilted into giving some cash to charity.

“You see, guilt, as with anger, can be used in a positive, constructive way when we better understand it.”

Charity is in direct opposition to equality and will only ever be a short term fix to our guilt. Properly understand the purpose of our emotions, and we make permanent, constructive changes. Reject that which rejects your humanity.

Only Just Getting to Know You

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You may have seen the film 50 First Dates. I though it was a beautiful film. If you’ve not seen it, and you’re curious, you can read about it here

“Imagine for a moment what it would feel like to wake up every morning with no past (and as such, no future) and only the now moment. You have some very well defined understandings of life, and what you’re supposed to be doing with it, and yet the past has no influence on today, whatsoever. What would you do?”

In addition, imagine having no sense of self. In other words, imagine how it would feel to have no sense of an identity whatsoever. The only identity you’d be able to give yourself, is what you’re actually doing, in any one given moment. For example, if you’re currently drinking a class of water, and someone were to ask you, who you are? All you’d be able to tell them is this: drinking a class of water.

“Beg pardon, I asked you, who are you?”

“That’s right and I repeat my response: drinking a class of water”

“Take a moment … remember, you’re imagining there is no I. No such thing as an I in you. You have no identity, all you know is you’re alive, conscious and there’s someone asking you a silly question.”

In fact, so clear are you on this concept – of there being no I – that anyone meeting you, would have no clue whatsoever, of how to take you. They’d fail to work you out, and only succeed in transferring who they are, on to you. You have no I so no one can ever know who you truly are. Make sense? Can you imagine this? Well here’s the bastard of it all: that’s you that is.

In other words – and this will really bake your cookie – it truly is impossible for anyone to ever know any other human being, because all that you and they are, doesn’t in fact exist at all in any testable reality. It’s only ever a projection of what you believe you and they are. A belief is not a true reality, it’s only a belief, and beliefs, whether you believe it or not, escape reality.

The reality is you’ll never know who you, or I truly are. There is no I.

To make this clearer. Answer this question: Who are you?

You’ll no doubt have answered with: I’m Fred or Tony or Michael or Sarah or whatever and so this is not actually telling me who you are. All you’ve done is tell me your name. In fact it’s impossible for you to tell me who you are, because who, doesn’t exist. You can tell me your name, what you do, what you like etc. and yet you’ll never be able to explain to me who you actually are.

Perhaps, the way to play it smart though, is to answer with this: I am the sum total of my beliefs.

Cleaver? No, not really, because you weren’t born believing who you are, so to say: I am, is in fact to say: they are. You and your beliefs came from circumstances and those beliefs of others. In other words, life taught you who, yet life,  is your past. Forget your past and where does this place you?

In a beautiful place full of opportunity and choice. So remember to forget now. Who did you say you are?

Now Wash Your Hands

“It’s not love that hurts, it’s loss or fear or guilt that creates this pain. We must never fear loving people for the pain we believe it may create.”

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Only love can hurt like this?

Take for example the guilt, pain and loss that’s caused through infidelity. When our partner is unfaithful we must never confuse the pain we feel as love. It’s the loss of our illusions that hurts.

Alternatively, if it’s us that have been unfaithful – and guilty because of this – we must make ourselves aware: an understanding of love is ultimately what we were seeking through our infidelity. We’re all constantly seeking to understand, when we understand it, we have it for ourselves; we find it within ourselves.

We are healed by love, never through recrimination, revenge or anger. If you click on the above image you’ll be taken to a very powerful, emotive song. ‘Love is torture makes me more sure’ is a powerful lyric, and yet the torture we experience, is our confusion of love.

You might think: ‘It’s just a lyric in a song man’ and if you do, hold on, because you’ll be underestimating the power of music.

Music is an expression of the human soul. Why do you think we hold musical artists in such high regard? Listen, and it’ll become clear who Paloma Faith loves: the people who’ve empowered her.

Youth and inexperience are the main culprits for painful relationships. When we understand that love is empowerment, we’ll be able to make some very useful decisions, well before the pain of losing illusions is experienced. We’ll not be setting up the illusions in the first place.

“When you truly love someone, all you’ll ever want to do, is empower them.”

Manipulation, control and gameplay are all there when we fear. Fear is in direct opposition to love. For clarity, hear this: when we look to care for another adult – because we believe we love them – we’re making a mistake. Caring and empowerment are two very different things.

“To love a child is to provide the most appropriate care and attention, to love an adult, is to empower them. We do this through loving and respecting ourselves as fully grown individuals.”

You may of seen or heard of those people who enable morbidly obese people through cooking copious amounts of unhealthy food for them. Or perhaps you’ve heard of those who buy drugs, (alcohol or whatever) for others, in the belief they’re helping and caring for them. This kind of enablement is created through fear, confusion of love, weakness and guilt. So often we keep our fellow adults stuck through caring for them in the belief we love them through caring.

“Teaching a fellow adult how to be a responsible, guilt free, whole human being, is to empower and love them.”

Love is empowerment, and as such an expression of love, is an act that’s free of guilt, fear and control. Consider the church and its leaders. They believe they love us, when in fact all they’re doing, is disempower and controlling us through their antiquated teachings and beliefs. Treat people like they’re fools and what will you get?

“The continuation of archaic beliefs keeps the mind stagnant.”

We can set ourselves free by washing our hands of antiquated ideals, teachings and confusion. Literally, go and wash your hands now, you no longer need the past, there is only now.

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“Now we can understand: if you love someone, all you’ll ever want to do, is empower them, all the other nonsense is illusion created through fear.”

If you enjoy drama and the soap operas of life, you’ll no doubt be disappointed right now, however, when we remove all the childish nonsense from life, there are so many beautiful, imaginative and loving things we can be better getting on with – right now.

There is no lack when we believe

It’s Hard to Believe

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“What would you say is hard to believe? Would you say it’s hard to believe there’s happiness in life, without the things we use to create it?”

For example, how can we live life without the emotional games we play, or the drugs we take, or the possessions we own? Is it hard to believe a life without these things?

What if our relationships were smooth and flowing, full of change, excitement, understanding, compassion and love? Would we find it hard to believe we had found such a thing? What if our life were filled with satisfaction in our work? What if life was filled with satisfaction and happiness in our home lives? Would it all just be too much, and too hard to believe?

“You may think there are far too many questions in those last two paragraphs, and so to a few explanations, and potentially, some answers.”

Imagine for a moment you believed all of the above were possible: the compassionate, loving relationships. The fulfilling work life. The fulfilling home life. A fulfilling life without drugs, without overeating, without the need for the amount we seek. In order for these things to become reality, and stay a stable reality at that, we do need to believe they’re possible.

Those who struggle to find this stability and happiness may think they believe it’s possible, yet at far deeper levels, their minds hold beliefs that jeopardise this stability and happiness.

“A restlessness is created through what this deeper part finds hard to believe.”

To explain, imagine a person who feels constant dissatisfaction in most, if not all, aspects of his life. Something many of us can no doubt relate to, is the feelings associated with dissatisfaction, and frustration. And so imagine this person who continues to feel this sense of dissatisfaction and frustration, no matter what successes, accomplishments and achievements he finds. How can we explain this?

“One way to help explain this is through understanding lack, and more specifically, lack of belief.”

When our minds don’t actually hold beliefs, at the deeper, unconscious levels, that instruct us to feel complete, happy or satisfied with what we have in life, then frustration and dissatisfaction is the result. We then continue to grasp and reach out for more in the hope we will find this elusive happiness, and satisfaction. When it comes to drugs, money and possessions, these are simply used as a means of calming and comforting the dissatisfied mind, if only for a while.

What if we held the belief: I am complete.

Or: I am whole.

Would this help do you think? There is strong evidence to suggest that wholeness (an acceptance of all aspects of life and our human selves) is in fact what we’re seeking through our excessive consumption. We’re constantly looking to find satisfaction (completeness, wholeness) through external trappings because we lack the above beliefs.

Think about this belief: There is nothing I want that will make me happy.

And then add this: Happiness is a state of mind I can achieve without want.

Now the cruncher: Imagine being taught this by parents as a child.

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When you come to truly understand the power of belief, you’ll understand how it is there are happy people who have, nothing. They are out there. Could you find such a state of mind? Is it that hard to believe?

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The Belief House of Cards

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“If you’ve ever built a house of cards, and then extracted one of the supporting cards from the bottom, how long does it take for it to collapse? Exactly. A second.”

Would you say – when wanting to disassemble a house of cards – that it’s easier to take it down from the top, or simply pull out a supporting card from the bottom? Again, exactly that, the simplest method, requiring the least amount of effort, will always be the better solution.

Think of a belief system in the same way. The support beliefs will be the ones established in the mind the longest: our earliest experience-learnings, and as such, the foundations for our house and belief system. When we question these beliefs, their origins, logic, usefulness etc. we begin the process of extraction. How far do we need to pull a card, within our belief house, before collapse? As you can imagine, not far at all. Let me give you an example:

Consider someone working within the sex industry who seeks change. What are the beliefs – from early learnings relating to sex and the self – likely to be, of an individual who has chosen to work within this trade? Would you estimate these early learning to have been positive or negative? Does a person who sells their body have a positive or negative self-image? Remember we’re looking slightly deeper than the obvious here.

“The obvious rationalisation, for why someone has chosen to be in the sex trade, is that they’ve fallen on hard times, or they’ve become addicted to drugs and so on, however, it’s the root of the problem that we’re interested in.”

The root cause often escapes the obvious, conscious rationalisation, as it resides deep within the mind of the sufferer. Turning to drugs, for example, is often the cure to the deep-seated, misplaced guilt, inflicted from childhood abuse (never neglecting to remember the abuse of neglect). The cause, that leads to the effect, lies deeper than the obvious.  

“So in terms of our ‘Belief House of Cards,’ the cards, (beliefs) we must extract – through judicious questioning – are the base, supporting ones.”

Our sex worker will have a minimum of two, negative limiting beliefs, relating to sex and the self, that all other beliefs will have been built on. In principle we only need find one of these, extract it, and the house comes tumbling down.

“How long does it take for a house of cards to collapse? Much less time than it takes to build it, that’s for sure.”

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Consideration

When a belief system – and therefore way of life – has taken years to establish itself, to suggest this can be changed overnight, is often met with incredulity, and dare I say it, disbelief. As such, simple metaphor helps in the process we work with, to prevent the self-sabotage of the therapeutic process that some therapist may experience.

Solution

The house, built on foundations and clear understandings of love, will always stand the test of time. Many abusers of our children do this under the guise of love. We must explain to the child-within, what love really is and what it really stands for. When we do, their limiting ‘Belief House of Cards,’ collapses into the dust from where it came.

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