Find the Peace Within Yourself – Retrospection

“It might seem very simplistic, and perhaps a little clichéd to say: we create a peaceful world once we find peace within ourselves. Even so, what if this were true?”

What exactly do we have to lose through seeking this peace from within? If our world becomes peaceful as a result, we’ll all be grateful for the effort and if nothing happens, there’s nothing’s lost.

If we were to follow some eastern teachings about finding peace within, we’d be told that using the word effort, is wrong. We’d be led into a world of symbolism, metaphor and double speak, sufficient to confuse the hell out of us, and into throwing the book away. We’d sink back into our funk, confusion and depression, before we could even say the word taofuck. So let’s establish some facts to begin with. If you want to find peace, wellbeing and happiness, you will need to put some effort in.

We certainly don’t advocate the worlds belief: no pain no gain, as this would tie us up, with employing the methods used by the majority. You know the kind of thing: Keep busy, stiff-upper-lip, pills, alcohol, sex, doctors, money, consumerism, you name it, all the western world solutions, to tie us up in knots.

“So when we talk of effort, we’re referring to the effort involved, with being retrospective. The effort it takes to examine the root to our discomfort and unease”

My background is Analytical Hypnotherapy. As a result, I’ve come to understand, it’s the examination of memories from early experiences, that enable us to take charge of any negative influence they may still hold over us.

There’s no denying it’s only the courageous who’re prepared to undergo this kind of analysis. Over the years spent as an analyst, I met many courageous souls, who’d reached a point in their lives, where time in my chair had become a necessity. I’m by no means suggesting we all do that, what I am suggesting though, is we should all take a leaf out of their book. Retrospection is the way and means to break free from the negative influences of the past.

As example let’s look again at depression. We read about the early demise of celebrities who’ve spent a lifetime struggling with depression. It’s my view, and that of my colleagues, that this kind of depression is borne from a fruitless search. As you will have experienced this yourself, think back to searching for a lost item; perhaps it’s keys, purse or wallet. When we’re unable to find a desperately needed item, we become frustrated, and eventually downhearted.

Now imagine when this search is for something metaphysical. Imagine when this search is for love. Potentially, it could be a love we’ve never experienced, but longed for all our lives. Through whatever means we just can’t find it. There’s no satisfaction. We’ve tried everything: dozens of relationships, sex, drugs, consumerism. . . yep you’ve guessed it, all the things we’re told to believe make us happy, complete and well.

“When the search is for a love we’ve never know, all we find, is frustration leading to depression. Until the next time that is. The pattern and process just begins again. And we wonder why depression comes and goes”

The solution is to cease the external search. We must stop looking to find some kind of satisfaction through external means. The answer really does lie within. What if the presenters, actors, actresses or pop stars, stopped seeking love, through the adoration fame brings? Would this mean we’d have less artistic excellence? I doubt it. Potentially our artistic excellence would be recognised for having a very different nature. Not through the work of tortured souls, but from peaceful souls who’ve found what the answer is. A true acceptance of a self created through retrospection.

The cure to loneliness will never be recognition from others, just as the search for love outside of ourselves, will always prove fruitless. Those things you love about others are within you too. Retrospection might just help you know.

The Only Game to Play

king and queen

The first thing we must understand is how we’re currently all being played. It really doesn’t matter what’s being presented to us through the media, all we need know, is its nature: Gameplay.

If we look at the big picture, in terms of migration and the displacement of millions of people from war torn countries, this picture helps us understand how leaders are playing on the world stage.

For example, if a chemical attack were staged, what would this kind of plant serve? Would staging chemical attacks, give world leaders reason enough to get involved with a civil war, that’s raging out of control?

Is world war – all be it a proxy war in Syria – something human minds crave for? Humans enjoy fighting. Gameplay leads to an inevitable scrap. In fact, gameplay, is often the precursor, to a full blown ‘gloves off’ fight, on any playground.

“With all this said, let’s bring it all back down to earth again and talk about the individual”

From recent experience I fully understand the power of the majority view. Even if this view is at opposite ends of the scale. This scale could range from lackadaisical to warmongering, or passionate to indifferent, and it would still infect us all, when expressed by a majority. The majority view is very powerful yet not necessarily correct.

“Think about the majority view on alcohol. It was once believed, a small amount of piss was good for us, now we understand this to be bunkum”

The ability to set ourselves – above the game-view of the majority – is gained when we embrace our true individuality. In order to achieve this, it’s tempting to imagine this individuality, as superior in some way. All we’re likely to get through this attitude though, is membership to another majority group; and a very unpleasant one at that! Pointless. So no, separating ourselves from the majority, through believing in superiority, is counterproductive.

“We rise above the majority by embracing our individuality and changing the direction of our thinking” 

By being clear in our minds about what our purpose and direction is, and having this as our motivation, we raise our game; not through thinking we’re somehow superior, but through being led by cleverness. There’s no cleverness in thinking we’re superior. There is cleverness in believing our driving is one of compassion and love. With this understanding in place, the only game we need play, is one driven by the positive emotions they create.

It’s clearly stated in the rules of this game, if we want love for ourselves, the world and others, we must look to teach: – ‘those things we understand that others presently don’t.’ In other words, once we understand what the cleverness of love would do about war, we must then teach others about this.

And so:

What would love do about war? Would love find a peaceful resolution by making a smart move within the world-game? And if so, what can you, as the individual, do about this? Perhaps, all you’d need, is an understanding of the nature of the games we all play.

We can help you with that.        

When Poison is The Weapon of Choice

“We know the vast majority of people reading this blog are law abiding, loving citizens, and so the following thought experiment, is highly speculative and hypothetical”

Let’s say you wanted someone dead. That’s right, your mind is made up, and the only resolution to the issue is murder.

Oh yes, the ‘red mist’ has descended, and in our private thoughts we harbour murderous intentions. Thankfully these kind of thoughts rarely take the step from fantasy to reality. They’re usually very fleeting; not sustained enough to cause us, or the recipient of our thoughts, any harm at all.

So, hypothetically speaking, let’s say, on this occasion, the red mist hasn’t dissipated, and you’ve decided on murder. After some further thought you’ve also decided on the means: Poison. Yes indeed, poison is the weapon of choice.

There are many, many ways to take a life; dozens of ways we can inflict harm on another human being, and yet, poison has been chosen. Before we actually carry out our murderous intentions though, let’s just take a moment to examine exactly why this method.

It could simply be down to convenience, ease of use, or, as is most likely, it’s the delay before it takes effect that’s important. This time delay gives you, the perpetrator, time to escape after the trap has been laid. A bomb with a time delay would have the same effect, but this of course, would be extremely indiscriminate. Okay, if you’re a terrorist with indiscriminate killing, in mind. Our intention though, is to just kill one or two people.

“Also, let’s think about the nature of poison, and how it does its job. Once administered, what exactly are we thinking, and what does this say about us?”

In other words, what is the psychology, behind our choice of weapon? Everything we say and do to others is a clear indication of our true nature. If we stuck a knife in someone, for example, it’s potentially our anger that’s driven such a violent act. We’re more likely to be young and angry when using a knife.

The use of poison would suggest a more scheming, calmer, use of planning. Sure, anger may be at the seat of the driving, and yet we’re not so clouded by it, that we blindly lash out. We’re planning and scheming. We don’t want to get found out. We don’t want the weapon to be traced back to us in any way. Or if we do, it’s deliberate, and doubt can be cast on whether its origin, can really be authenticated.

“Perhaps we want to instil doubt and fear at the same time. The long game may be our intention. Disruption, of entire countries, might be our long term goal. We understand how to divide and conquer”

All things said, calculated acts of murder, are committed by those whose brains are unable to see peaceful paths. Revenge is driven by an inability to control emotions. We’re stuck with angry feelings that we believe can only be resolved through re-inflicting the hurt and harm we feel we’ve suffered.

When our power and control is threatened we commit murder. If someone is seen to have sold us out, so to speak, we must seek revenge or lose face. Those who give our secrets away are seen as traitors who must be destroyed. History is full of people who’ve been murdered simply because they’ve told the truth; revealed secrets. The secrets we all have. The lies we all hide behind.

“Words can be used as poison”

There are numerous cases of domestic abuse, where someone has taken their own life, as a result of being ground down, through years of verbal abuse from a partner. Tell someone they’re worthless, useless or hopeless for long enough, and eventually, they’ll believe it. Imagine the damage words of this nature do to the self-esteem of children. Either directly or when in earshot of parents arguing.

Poison has to be the most cruel and calculating way anyone can take another’s life. Those who use poison, be it through words or chemicals, are the worst kind of human. The worst kind, because this poison, is only an extension of what already exist within themselves: Hatred, cowardice and fear. Frightened, scheming cowards, use poison. We must be very wary.  Wary and aware of what does not exist within the mind of the poisoner too.

The Train of Your Thoughts

What do you spend the majority of your time thinking about? Do you actually have thoughts about one particular subject that override all others? Let’s really pin it down with three further questions. Do you have a passion? Do you have a healthy obsession? Is there something you want to achieve that requires most, if not all, of your attention?

Very successful people would answer in the positive to the majority of those questions. That’s the first thing to be clear on. If you want success, you’ve got to be dedicated, to your passion.

“The train of your thoughts refers directly to what we can describe as the driving force for success”

For a very long time I’ve fought the tendency for my mind to be slightly obsessional. In some ways, those who’re likely to advise me against obsessive thinking, would be correct. Let’s be specific though, obsessive thoughts, can fit into two categories:

  • Healthy, that drive positive outcomes
  • Unhealthy, that drive self-destructive outcomes

The fight against obsessive thinking is a little strange, and to some extent, is simply a battle between factions of the mind, whose ultimate aim, is the same: to decide the nature of life. Put another way, one part of the mind is contented to settle back for comfort, ease and stability, the other, longs for something more.

It comes down to mentality or beliefs. The mentality of seeking comfort, predictability and ease, is the consequence of childhood learnings. The mentality of seeking more, be that challenge, change or variety, is often one introduced to us much later in life. The battle that raged within me, was, in a sense, simply being fought between two sets of belief systems. The first driven by fear, the second driven by love.

When put this way it can seem a little simplistic, however, I’d prefer you viewed this as a ‘beautiful simplification.’

Now for the reason I say this. Once we breakdown, what can seem a jumble of unsolvable and confusing conflicts, into its most basic components, we stand a much greater chance of winning the battle for the best. And be in no doubt, we must ensure love, is the winner.

The mentality driven by fear, is the one that’s looking to avoid the unsettling things we associate with change and variety. Potentially, and especially if your childhood had similarities to mine, the time we found these things unsettling, was during our development. Were you insecure as a child?

As children we crave stability, structure and security. It’s true to say, when children, we do in fact require plenty of security and stability. Insecure children grow up to be insecure adults who may shy away from life enhancing activities. Show me someone who lives with depression and I’ll show you an insecure inner child.

“Where our next meal is coming from, where we go to sleep at night – surrounded by familiar people who love us – is very important. The line to draw here though, is this: we’re no longer children”

If you’ve been fortunate enough to have been shown powerful role models, that clearly distinguished between the security of childhood and the adventure of adulthood, all will be well. If not, you will need to find these role models, later in life. This does potentially have the downside of creating a battle between old and new, however, we must remember, every battle can be won.

Winning the battle is decided by train of thought. Decide to become actively involved with training your mind. Wake each day to remind yourself what each part of your mind is seeking, and decide what that higher part of your mind, wants. That’s to say, do you seek a life driven by fear, or one driven by love? It’s very, very easy, when seen in this light.

Be strong with yourself. Follow each link. Read them several times. Decide: is the driving fear, or is it love? It really is that simple,

Will it be you I get to spend time with this September? It starts here

The Locksmith #8 (Distracted By The Human Condition)

The Human Condition

The Locksmith had watched Emily leave the room, waited for Lord Harry (the little terrier dog) to return, before closing his eyes again. It took just a few moments for him to gain his composure.

Human behaviour often amazed, shocked, saddened and sometimes even amused The Locksmith.

It wasn’t so much unexpected – to hear the tales such as the one just recounted by Emily – it was more about how it made him feel. It was disappointing to him, that so many people didn’t see the deeper side of their behaviour; the real purpose to it.

Ultimately, it didn’t so much matter that their behaviour was destructive to themselves and others – time heals after all – it mattered that so many seemed ambivalent to it all. For he understood, when there’s indifference or ambivalence to anything, change will be slow, or fail altogether.

He understood how human indifference wasn’t necessarily their state of mind to begin with, for him though, it developed rather too quickly.

The perpetrators of harm rarely gave though to the damage they caused. Abusive acts, be they physical or emotional, were carried out with such disregard, it saddened him. This lack of empathy and consideration for others was what also amazed. How have they made it this far? He would puzzle.

He experienced equal measure of amazement and sadness, for how people had such low regard for themselves, and their lives. Life can be so beautiful when one takes a moment to stop. And to have such lack of regard for others, was often a clear reflection of the low regard they held for themselves, and all life in general.

All these unloved children, with empty souls, seeking what they lacked.

The Locksmith also understood, the self-centered nature of human children, often never left them. Was being taught ‘out’ of this, through educating children about the dangers of self-centeredness, being overlooked? He would meditate on such questions. If the only concern, is for satisfaction of the self, humans will begin to lose the very thing that’s made them so successful: Their togetherness. His mind would answer the questions. It was the questions that mattered.

It seemed to him, that the need for power and control over each other, remained at the heart of so many of their troubles. The playground games, of winning or losing favour with each other, was a constant. Taking sides, building allegiances; general bullying and tittle-tattle was also there. All games created by the children seeking power, attention, and above all, love.

At times it became a distraction for him. His awareness of this was an annoyance.

He did have better things to be thinking of. For example, what was the nature of the seed he’d been sent here to plant? He knew it had a lot to do with the human concept of love. A flawed concept, though it was.

When something isn’t universally understood, it becomes a struggle to find it’s true power, as confusion tends to defuses it. His thoughts often concluded with the realisation of it flawed nature, yet he was always soothed, by its usefulness. It is the best they’ve come up with, to explain their feelings, he would surmise.

Having regained his composure his thoughts returned to Emily. Dear, dear Emily. Such a lonely child. Could he not say the same about all the people he’d met?

Reaching out to her again he sensed her pain ebbing. In his mind’s eye, he saw her walked away, back to a life, better understood. He knew the whole purpose to her life was love, just not one, she yet fully understood. The sooner the better he thought.

The Self-Help Phenomenon

Self-Help

The self-help phenomenon was kicked off by a gentleman called Samuel Smiles, and it still stands to reason today; if you want to change your world (the world), it starts with you.

“It’s a tangled web that we humans weave”

In the struggle for power and dominance we’re told what to do, when to do it and how. The power of the individual is even being questioned by some intellectuals (never trust a man in a bow tie). Individuality is being blamed for the breakdown of society. Those who think this are victims to their fear of being alone. They fear their loss of power over others.

When we really consider the power of individuality we clearly see that this is in no way to blame for society’s problems. Indeed taking responsibility for oneself, and then living by this example, helps us all and repairs the broken bonds of society. It all depends on how you look at it.

If, for example, we mix up individuality with self-centeredness, confusion starts. When we teach the importance of being an individual, along with the togetherness of our humanity, all is well. Individuality is not at the expense of others and society, in its true sense, when you’re okay, everyone is okay.  Living by the example, of taking full responsibility for ourselves, especially when the driver for this is compassion and love, a beautiful bond is created.

“Self-help achieves this, not through being self-centered – which is the concern only for the self – but through consideration and concern for the world and everything in it”

We can’t have true self-help if we somehow think we’re better or superior to anyone else. In fact our need to improve our-selves is a reflection of concern for the wellbeing of everyone else. More human than human is when we see the inescapable bonds of our humanity and recognise our equalness.

Rich and famous or poor and unknown, we’re all equal. Royalty or factory worker we’re all equal. It’s only the beliefs that we’re better or worse that separate us. Being born into royalty no doubt creates a separateness. For example, Prince Harry believes the royal family is a “force for good.” Does this mean that many others are a force for bad?

What if you’re underprivileged and born into disadvantage? Does this make you a force for good or bad? Breaking from the bonds of the expectations, underprivileged and disadvantaged create, surely makes you neither. It just makes you wise.

If prince Harry were correct in his belief, we can only wonder why he, and the royal family as a whole, don’t take it upon themselves to step down off their royal pedestals. What stops them from dismantling the whole concept of royalty. For prince harry to be correct he’d need to recognise how the whole concept of royalty does more damage than good. We can’t escape how the word royalty is synonymous with ‘better.’

Religious leaders are no different. They hold delusional beliefs that suit their need for higher status in life (can you get any higher than working for God?). The only status we really need is that of recognition of our equalness. You and I are equal. If we all saw this through raising our awareness with self-help, well, what can I say?

“The tangled web is the need for power, control and dominance; most of which, are driven by fear”

Imagine being a King, Queen or Prince that suddenly decided to separate themselves from their warm cushion of royalty. That would take some courage now wouldn’t it? I don’t see that courage in royalty just yet, however, I do see it in those who wake everyday to disadvantage.

Remember: it’s those who break from being disadvantaged and underprivileged that are the true courageous. They don’t do this through fear or delusion, they do this through belief in their humanity, and concern for the self of everyone. You’ll not properly succeed at self-help without it.

Ultimately, once we have the ‘I’m okay you’re okay’ mentioned early, we’re able to be accepting; even of those who delude themselves into thinking they’re better than us. I’m okay you’re okay is the ability to accept the delusions of others. What this doesn’t do though, is make delusion correct. A delusion will always have been created as a form of escape from reality. The reality is, you and I are exactly equal in our humanity, and it’s the acceptance of the good and bad within us all, that makes it so.    

Untangle your web.

Focusing The Human Will

Sexual Harassment

“I notice in the news this morning the actress Emma Watson has donated £1m to a new campaign aimed at helping those affected by harassment”

It’s a certain fact that sexual harassment is an uncomfortable and unsavoury aspect to human behaviour.

During my early twenties I qualified and worked as a driving instructor. During this time, I met some lovely and interesting people, who I successfully helped gain their driving licenses. Also, during this time, I can remember being sexually harassed. It wasn’t too common but it went on. Allow me to list some of the more memorable incidences:

  • Asked by a transvestite I was teaching in Birmingham if I liked cock (not keen, ugly things really).
  • Also whilst instructing in Birmingham I was inappropriately approached by several predatory gay men.
  • Whilst working for BSM I was harassed for sex by a fellow female instructor, who made her desires clear, by suggestively sucking bananas in the office during our lunch and tea breaks. She did this so often it just got boring in the end.
  • Harassed by a student who, during her lessons, liked to talk about sex and what she ‘got up to’ with her partner. Very active young couple I can tell you.
  • Accused by an employer’s wife of “having my brains in my balls” whilst making it quite clear she thought this okay.
  • A young woman, who’d just successfully passed her test, placed her hand on my knee, thanked me, and then handed over her phone number and told me if there was anything I needed I should call her. My wedding ring was clear to see by all those who inappropriately propositioned me.
  • Held in a bear hug and lifted of the ground by a fellow instructor (with an erection) whilst he told me all I had to do, was think of myself as really heavy, and he wouldn’t be able to lift me off the ground. Something to do with martial arts apparently. I understood this later as a ploy for him to get his jollies by rubbing his erection up against me. I discovered some years later, he’d been jailed for sexual abusing children, he’d ‘taught’ martial arts. Are those guys properly vetted these days?

Anyway, the young, naive (and happily married) twenty something that I was, simply brushed these uncomfortable encounters off, chalking them down to experience. I was quite aware of the reputation driving instructors had (it’s pure fiction), yet it remained clear to me what my intentions were: To earn a living doing a job I enjoyed.

“Sex for humans comes very high on the agenda”

Many humans spend a lot of time thinking about it; less as we grow older, I suppose. You name it though, we humans like to do it. From golden showers, to having sex with animals whilst taking a dump, it’s all up there. And you know what? Who cares. So what. Isn’t it time to wake up to the truth instead of fighting amongst ourselves?

Men are sexually harassed on a daily basis. I clearly remember an old friend of mine (who really, really liked sex) telling me, woman have a clitoris just as you have a penis mate, so get out there, and get yourself some. After my marriage fell apart I certainly took his advice. Those clitorises certainly do drive you girls to distraction don’t they?

“Denial, it’s so destructive”

Best policy, as I’ve always advocated, is to properly educate our children. We must teach them the why and how of it all. We must teach them how to tame the often destructive natural impulses we humans have. Once again boundaries and respect for each other come into play. When we teach our children, about what there is to gain from being polite and respectful to each other, magic can happen.

We must keep in mind though, no matter how polite and respectful we are, others will look to take that from us, and infect us with their dysfunctional behaviour. Not being able to restrain and control our impulses (natural or otherwise) is definitely a disfunction that needs addressing. I wonder if Emma Watson would be prepared to donate a further million to that particular educational program? Doubt it, there’s no revenge, drama, pain or blame in that game, is there?

“Focusing the sexual energy of the human mind – or sublimation as the more enlightened like to call it – is a beautiful skill many would gain from”

When will we teach, with necessary transparency – the predatory nature of the human animal – to children? Enlightened children, who have a greater chance of actually becoming fully grown adults, will effortlessly deal with sexual harassment. The best means of doing this is through transparent-honesty and to cease fuelling the fire’s of denial and ignorance.

Men harass women for sex and women harass men, get over it, and learn how to defend yourselves. My means of defence – as a very sexy and desirable twenty-something – was to simply rise above it. They had poor control . . . and? Their issue, not mine. The next time you feel you’re being sexually harassed, how about making things clear to your abuser, by simply stating this:

“You have poor boundaries and poor control over yourself, look up the word sublimation, with all that energy appropriately focused, imagine what you could achieve”

My dear fellow humans, learn this off by heart, you may find it extremely beneficial.

I Will Never Be Silenced

empoweredman-800px

“The control rods of shame and guilt are being used against the voices of reason”

It’s seems no matter if our opinion is reasoned and well thought out, shame and guilt are being used as a means of silencing, those who believe in the rights of the child.

“Reason is in fact the true control rod, yet when people stop listening to this, because it’s cold reality frightens them, the train starts to leave the tracks”

It is not homophobic to state the opinion: children have a right to be raised by a mother and a father. It’s just an opinion. If you don’t like it, come up with a counter argument, but don’t look to silence and control free speech through guilt.

It’s believing we have a right, to anything we want, irrespective of the rights of others, that’s creating the human rot so often seen throughout history. Control and ownership gone mad is war. Millions have lost their lives fighting this and many more will no doubt continue to. Isn’t it about time we started respecting those who gave their lives for our freedom, by protecting free speech? We’re still fighting a war of sorts right now.

“When victims refuse to take any responsibility whatsoever, and look to understand their part in matters, we have the north south of victim driven mentality”

Taking responsibility empowers us to protect ourselves. When victims point the finger of blame and say: this is all your fault, they become powerless. Power is when a rape victim says: “yes I drank too much and next time I’ll be sober, carrying a fucking rape alarm.” Stop thinking there is no such thing as the human animal, there is. If we fail to protect ourselves through our naivety, we must acknowledge and accept this failing, or fail over and over again.

Stopping free speech, because we’re frightened of the truth, (or our own homophobia, remember what criticism is) creates a society that’s driven by the repression of ignorance. When we refuse to acknowledge cause and effect we add to this ignorance.

“It’s important we really start to take a close look at what we are in fact doing. When we take away the black and white of boundaries, and the proper respect of nature, we muddy the waters, to such an extent, we’re endangering our very survival”

You might think that last statement a little dramatic, however, if we don’t learn the lessons from the past, they’ll keep repeating themselves. From experience, I can tell you, this is a horrible prospect. Control and ownership are the most distasteful human diseases. The human need for these traits is so powerful they can gently and subtly creep into society without our noticing them. These traits, will always be there in the background, we must learn to spot them quickly.

“Our tendency to deny truth is the war we must fight”

Truth sets us free, so how is it we struggle so much with this? Because it hurts, that’s why. We struggle to accept that our self-centeredness may be denying our children the future their genes decided for them. We struggle to accept, we simply cannot have everything we want, without their being a cost. A cost we’d rather not acknowledge.

The cost, is we lose our fight for the rights and freedom for all, before we’ve even started. This includes unborn children. Self-centered ownership of our children is saying: the needs of the few, are greater than the needs of the many; another disease of humanity.

The True Love of Advancement

True Purpose

Advancement

“Advancement is a true expression of love”

When we look closely, at the advancement and development of ourselves, we recognise this as a true expression of self-love. When we love ourselves we automatically pass this love on to future generations.

By taking the time to look within, and advance as human beings, we not only enhance the quality of our own lives, we enhance the lives of all those who experience us. The most direct influence we have is on our own offspring.

“We can break free from ignorance by exposing the unknown aspects of our minds. It’s only fear that prevents us from advancing to heights we previously never dreamed possible”  

Nowadays money can buy us anything, even new life. It’s perfectly acceptable to marry your same sex partner and then buy yourselves a baby. You might think this okay, however, we must see the dangers in being raised by those who believe they ‘own’ us. If we’ve been bought, surely it follows we’re owned. We can ask: what adaptations do the children of parents, who’ve taken ownership of them, (even when money hasn’t changed hands) need to make, in order to get their needs met, throughout life? An interesting question is it not?

Some might see gay couples buying babies as advancement and not a muddying of the waters at all. Let’s make it clear, it’s not being gay that’s the danger, it’s being owned that most definitely is. Slaves were owned. There can be no advancement in this being considered the norm. 

“How is it we’re prepared to buy babies and yet reluctant to pay for the advancement of our minds? Are we fearful of what we might find? Of course we are”

It’s a special minority of people who choose advancement through knowing themselves better. A special minority who are prepared to cast light into the darkness. Ultimately, it will be these people who move us forward as a species.

The True Love of Advancement

It’s freedom from the suppression of ignorance that brings true happiness, never money. There’s no freedom of choice in that, just conditioning. Buying children is simply a belief that we’re all entitled to have anything we want, even if this is at the expense, of ignoring their rights. There is no self-love in that. There is plenty of self-centeredness though. Self-centeredness is the tendency to not look beyond our own happiness and see the bigger picture for others.

Alternatively, those who take the journey toward finding wholeness, benefit everyone. This journey does involve accepting that there are parts of our minds we remain ignorant to. When we overcome the fear of this knowledge wholeness takes a huge step closer.

A whole human being would never expect to find happiness through buying a baby, but would expect better, from their fellow man. Perhaps, when we start seeing the fetus as having rights, we will extend these rights to future generations too.

Why Does It Matter? (The Transgender Issue)

Parenting

“It seems clear to me, and many others, that little girls and boys are adept at getting what they need. Food, warmth, shelter and above all, attention. All of this adds up to love”

Children are dependent on those who care for them. They surely soon come to understand this, to the degree, they will do all within their power to receive it. How much power children have is of course debatable, yet to me, a child’s power will always be the greatest of all. I say this, because a child is able to focus our love for them, in ways an adult couldn’t possibly.

We recognise their vulnerability through dependence and need. It’s our instinctive need to care for our young. We love how they’re an extension of us. When we love ourselves, this is extended, to the mini versions of us we’ve created. All of these things add up to the importance of us doing the very best by our young.

Doing our best includes gaining understandings of how our minds work. When we understand some very simple principles, we empower ourselves with more choice, and potentially increase our skills when it comes to raising happy, healthy, and well grounded children.

“When children have the influence of both a mother and a father they’re better able to find an identity that fits with the one they’ve been assigned at birth”

When a child is raised by just one parent there is an increased likelihood of them wanting to identify with the sex of that parent. The intelligent human brain is very adept and gaining what it needs for survival.

The child-brain picks up on the unconscious signals from its carers. If the message and signals are construed as: mummy wants a little girl, for example, the child will seek to be the object of its mothers desire, regardless of what sex it was assigned at birth. Remember, all that matters to the child, is survival. Survival that’s dependent on the love, care and attention it receives, from carers. The more attention the better.

If you watch this short clip, relating to the transgender issue, take a moment to ponder on the dynamic of mother and child within this single parent family.

What parents often forget are the unconscious signals they project onto the child. The child’s mind is an empty void open for whatever the adults around it are likely to project.

I often think of the time walking behind a young mother in the street some years ago, she violently chastised her five year old daughter for being “Such a little bitch.” At five, it’s impossible for a child to be a ‘little bitch.’ She may be inconsiderate to her siblings, until taught otherwise, she may be self-centered, until taught otherwise, she may be naughty, until taught otherwise, but a bitch? Hardly. Remember: all criticism is self criticism.

And so, as a parent or potential parent, we must understand, the greatest skill a child exhibits is getting its needs met. The closer it can get to a parent, the better. It will do this by any means. Good behaviour, bad behaviour, gentle, sweet, rowdy, violent, transgender, whatever. The behaviour is irrelevant, as long is it gets attention.

“In the mind of the child, attention equals love and it will fight to get what it needs. Even to the point of becoming a little girl, when born a boy, and definitely if this beats their siblings to it”

When the child exhibits confusion over its identity a parent must make it clear they are loved and cared for just as much for being a boy or girl respectively. The child’s mind, at such an early stage in its development, is ill equipped to make a decision over gender. That is not the job of the child; genes have already decided this. We must see the advantage in having this kind of decision taken out of our hands. Yes the brain may disagree, however, this is due to the things I’ve now explained. 

The question still remains: why does it matter? Why indeed. Well, as I see it, there’s plenty of confusion in the world already. For parents to add to this, with poor ability to set boundaries and failure to understand the projection of their own minds, is abuse through neglect. This is how I see it.

Setting boundaries and being parents, instead of ‘best mates’ to our children, is imperative. Without this, children grow into adults robbed of a future their genes have decided. If my little boy wanted to be a girl I’d simply explain like this:

“As you grow older your choices will increase, for now you are in my care, and this is how it needs to be. You are a boy. The decision was made before you were born, and I will do my best to be the man you’d like to be, once you’re grown. I love you for what you are”

It is a parents responsibility to recognise their duty to our children. The child is not the sex parents want it to be, (consciously or unconsciously) or what sex the underdeveloped mind of the child wants to be. The child is what mother nature has decided, and to be fee from confusion, we must always encourage this. Simple.

The Positive and Negative of What We Do

“Our unconscious drivings are a curious thing”

Much, if not most of what we do, is driven unconsciously. When we better understand what these things are, through raising them into our awareness, we increase our choices. It’s that simple: more choice is the reward for looking.

In a previous post we stated: “The Talent is In The Choices.” With this in mind, it can be said, too much choice is a bad thing, however, just as limiting – if not more so – is lack of choice. When we just act instinctively, with no seeming choice in the matter, we’re restricted.

“Too much choice, compared to having more choice through increased awareness, are two very different things”

Think about what you do for a living. It will be, that at some point you made a conscious decision, in what you now do; of course there’s been a conscious decision. However, what we don’t consider, is the unconscious driving behind it.

What we don’t consider, is the unconscious driving, may have been a negative one. Stay with this, it will become clearer.

When we increase are awareness, and find both the unconscious and conscious drivings, we increase choice. The ability to choose between a job – we’ve taken through an unconscious, negative force – or a life enhancing one we’ve taken through being fully aware – would be a beneficial ability, would it not?

negdrivings

“Allow me to explain”

If you follow this blog, you’ll potentially be aware of the personal journey held within. In a recent post I spoke of my activities on weekday mornings. As a result of writing my thoughts down, I’ve now become aware of the negative drivings for this activity. The result is an increase in choice. I now understand the deeper purpose to my activities. Much of the deeper purpose was an unconscious method of communication. Let me explain further.

Obviously, I despise being abused by members of the general public, who doesn’t. If you work, or have ever worked withing the service industry, (we ALL do on some level) you’ll be aware of this fact: some people delude themselves into thinking they’re better than you, and also think it’s acceptable, to abuse you.

Now, as discussed in the post Tightening Spokes, having decisions taken out of our hands, as a child, is obviously very disempowering. For my biological father to make a decision on my behalf, without my knowledge, because my job inconvenienced him, was abusive. I understand this now. Continuing to work within a field where I open and expose myself to any kind of abuse, is something I’m now able to change or better deal with. I no longer need my mind to communicate unfinished business with me in this way. I no longer need to prove to myself – I’m a little person who gets abused – and need to stick it out with a uninspiring work.

“The things we’re drawn to, are, at times, simply a method of communication from our unconscious mind”

Unfinished business from childhood has a way of showing itself. Take phobias. We’re only born with two fears: Loud noises and falling, all other fears are learnt and serve some kind of purpose. An irrational fear of snakes, for example, can be attributed to all sorts of childhood confusion. The fear is curing us, and at the same time the mind is looking to communicate, something needs our conscious attention. When we resolve the confusion from childhood, the phobia disappears. At the very least, we feel more choice and are no longer driven, by an irrational fear. There are no life threatening snakes in the UK. At least not the reptilian type that is.

Let me give you further example. Take someone who’s in the caring profession, let’s say, it’s looking after the elderly. I recently watched a snippet of video showing a recording of an elderly lady being slapped by her carer. The film was recorded by hidden camera placed in the home by her daughter. The health of the lady in question had deteriorated somewhat (she was already suffering with Alzheimer’s disease) and her daughter suspected it may have been due to abuse from her carer. The recording proved her worst fears.

Now, what of the carer? Why was she doing a job she obviously despised? We can know, potentially, the driving behind this, was her unconscious mind seeking communication. What unfinished business, do you imagine, was in the mind of a carer abusing those placed in her care? Why was she doing something she despised? Why was there no love? Do you imagine this person was loved and cared for as a child? Or do you think this unlikely?

“And so to the point”

The activities we’re driven to do often hold clues that we overlook. These clues can be our mind communicating unfinished business. When we see the clues for what they are, we remove the negative driving, and increase our choices. In my case, the next person who feels it’s permissible to abuse me, will be told to leave. Simple.

And what of you? We can all look to better ourselves, by escaping a negatively driven activity, that may only be our minds way of saying: “YOU NEED TO LOOK AT THIS.”

Look closely at the things you do that are not something you enjoy. Why would you do that? Through necessity? Perhaps this is the case, however, what about the aspects to that activity you grudgingly put up with and don’t seek to change? Are you seeking any change? Are you seeking to better your life? If not, why not? What does your mind want to tell you?

Be Ready To Believe

“Failure and rejection are unpleasant yet inevitable aspects to life”

At some point we’re all going to experience them. When we’re rejected we feel we’ve failed and of course we have. Once we pick ourselves up though, we must then come to understand, these things are only an opportunity to do it differently, next time around.

We may need to change our technique, business model, looks or approach . . . you name it. Provided we’re determined to succeed, and we alter what we did to find rejection and failure in the first place, we will succeed. It’s simply a game of numbers. Problems arise, when after failure, we keep on with the same strategy. This is the definition of insanity.

“There are those who set out in business, with a particular product or idea, that has no practical application or demand”

In terms of invested time and money, so far are they, into the pursuit of their idea or product, some individuals often see no choice but to just blindly continue on. They may do this for many more years, wasting time and money as they do, until eventually the penny drops. Once they move on, it may well be, that an entirely different idea or product comes to mind. It’s quite often this new one that succeeds. This is the entrepreneurial spirit in action.

The point of my title is to make us aware of the need for preparedness. We must be prepared for failure and rejection, this way, we’re ready to see this as feedback and opportunity to change tack for next time. Changing direction on each pass – on each attempt – enables us to develop and grow. As we do, we increase our chances of success.

Does your product have practical application? If not you may want to have a rethink. Does your idea have a demand? If not how could you create this? Caution is advised here. We must be careful in how we may be deluding ourselves into thinking our ideas or products are fabulous, useful, or even groundbreaking. You may see it this way, but will anyone else? How will you know until you put it out there? You won’t, and so potential failure must be seen as only the feedback you need, in order to progress. Above all, stop doing what doesn’t work.

“One stumbling block many overlook is their own mind. Believe it or not, our own minds can be the very thing – the very difficulty – we need to overcome, before we succeed”

We’re all aware of the existence of the conscious mind. Your conscious of these words as you read them. What you’re not conscious of – at least until now – is your breathing or heartbeat. These things are cared for by your unconscious mind.

Unlike our heartbeat, we can alter our breathing, because this is something that’s considered semi-autonomic. Consciously changing ones heartbeat is a little more tricky. And so, the things we have conscious control over, are easy to alter and change, once we become aware of them. Becoming aware is the trick.

beliefsvalidity

The majority of our beliefs remain unconscious until we request them. Beliefs remain unconscious until such a time we need to bring them into our awareness. If all of our beliefs, rattled around in our conscious awareness, all the time, we’d go completely bonkers. For example, the beliefs we hold about what food we like, are not in our thoughts all the time, but do tend to come into awareness, when we’re hungry.

“When it comes to awareness of our beliefs, it may well be, that many of the unconscious beliefs we hold, are having a detrimental effect on the outcome of our endeavours”

Consciously we may believe in what we’re selling, yet unconsciously, we may not. This conflict is a no win situation as the unconscious, always, wins. Unless, that is, we change the programming. Let me give you an example.

Let’s say you’ve taken a job selling insurance. You’re regularly consciously aware of your ability to sell. You look in the mirror and say “damn you’re good!” Perhaps you successfully sold yourself, or some other beautiful thing when younger, and so there’s no problem with your beliefs in that regard. There is one problem though, you don’t particularly believe in insurance.

This lack of belief, or mistrust of insurance, is not something you’re consciously aware of. Deeply set into your mind is the forgotten memory of your mother being conned by an insurance agent. This forgotten memory is creating a negative. In fact, this memory could very well be the unconscious driving force behind you taking a job as an insurance agent, in the first place. That though, is a subject open for further debate, at another time.

Anyway, staying with this example, all we need do is recover this memory and then update or change your understanding of it. In this way, we firstly make the negative belief conscious. Secondly we explained to your mind, this wayward insurance agent your mother met, was only one example. There are certainly many good examples. You being one of them. We also explain, to that part of your mind, the benefits to insurance. This ‘bolstering of beliefs’ will reinforce your ability to sell, as you now believe in the product both consciously, and unconsciously. We remove the conflict, we remove the likelihood of your own mind scuppering your success.

Meditation, leading to light trance, is experienced during the application of the GOLD Counselling (Analytical and Creative Transformation) method.

Tightening Spokes

When I was very young I used a push bike a lot. From paper rounds, to cycling out with mates, I certainly put the mileage in. As with anything mechanical, there would, from time to time, be breakdowns.

Punctures were the main issue, and I clearly remember my father telling me: “This is all your fault because you keep bouncing the bike up and down the curbs!” In fact, so fed up was he, with fixing punctures (rather than teaching me how to do it myself) he took it upon himself to resign me from my paper round. At the time I found this a bit odd, but didn’t complain; at least not too much.

“It’s left for me to wonder: in what way does premature retirement from a job of work, as a child, continue to affect me?”

The answer is, I’ve been looking for early retirement (through varying methods) from ‘job’s of work’ all my life. However, having found something I love, way back in 1998, the reality is, I’ll never fully retire. You can’t retire from Personal Development. And besides, why would I retire from something I also love teaching?

As an add on, and In terms of teaching Personal Development, here’s a little advice for all you paper boys (and girls) out there: Find independence through purchasing a pair of puncture resistant tires, they’re the future. Alternatively, and if you find these too expensive, learn how to fix punctures; ‘bouncing up and down curbs’ is fun!

“Along with punctures came buckled wheels”

Now, straightening out wheels, was way beyond my father’s skills, and most definitely mine. The reason for this was propaganda. Many people back then had been led to believe, removing buckles from wheels, was a specialised job. Believing this prevented any attempt at wheel straightening DIY at all. Instead, the local bike store, were making a small fortune from all the kids (or fed up fathers) in the neighbourhood.

“Propaganda, and the beliefs borne from it, can stay with us all our lives”

I’m still quite a keen cyclist now, and in these times of austerity, many of the roads I ride are not dissimilar to those of a third world country. Teeth clattering potholes sometimes get spotted too late (especially with sunglasses on) and of course buckled wheels are the result. So bad, had my wheels become, that I’d begun to wonder what exactly was to be done about it. The deeper part of my mind still believed it was a specialised job. As incredible as it may seem, I’d even considered just buying some new ones! Until, that is, I watched this:

Specialist job! Is it bollocks. My bike rides as smooth as silk now, especially with the puncture resistant tires I’ve fitted. The moral of the story guys, is don’t ever believe all you’re told. There are somethings in life that are as easy as your ABC, once you come to believe it, that is.

And by the way, there’s no need for a truing stand. With the wheel in place, turn the bike upside down, hold a screwdriver or tyre lever against the frame and line it up near the rim of the wheel. Give it a slow spin and you’ll easily see where the buckle is.

Why not develop your mind for a smoother ride through life? I have.  

We Always Get What We Seek

Seek Change Through Self-development

You might assume from the above title that this post is going to be a few hundred words on positive thinking, or some lame garb about how wonderful everything can be, without any effort on our part at all. The thing is, if that’s what you’re looking for, you might want to look elsewhere. Here, you’ll find something to think about, that will genuinely help you have a better life, and not something that’s just a temporary fix, to a shitty day.

The only snag, is you do actually need to do some of the work. Let’s start with  having a rethink on attitude. Right now (as you might have guessed) I have a bit of an attitude. Even so, it’s as good a time to write as any, because we are likely to get the truth, rather than the people pleasing bullshit spouted elsewhere. Attitude is something to manage and use productively.

Now, the reason I’ve got a bad attitude this morning is because I’ve allowed someone else’s mood to infect me. I could easily have chosen to ignore this person’s attitude – like water off a duck’s back – or, as is the case, use this morning’s upset as fodder for this post! So let’s do it.

Here’s the story. In order to keep myself grounded, and earn a little extra pocket money, I spend my mornings as a newsagent managing a store. One of the services we offer is parcel collection. You may have used this facility yourself. No money changes hands, however, the store does earn a fraction of a penny in commission on each transaction. With such small commissions involved, the hope is, customers collecting parcels spend whilst in the store, they rarely do. Yet we do look to be as polite and warm as possible in the hope they’ll part with some dosh.

Anyway, in walks a customer who approaches the counter throwing down a piece of barcoded paper as they do. Looking at it, and then me, they ask for their parcel. I then go through the process of asking for name and ID so I can search for it. The customer in question then states, in a very aggressive and agitated manner:

“This store is the most problematic when it comes to collecting parcels!”

I reply by pointing out that they’d probably not be thinking that if we’d had it stolen.

I’m then told I should be much more polite when dealing with customers, not make them feel like they’re trying to steal something, and be much calmer. I’m so taken aback by this I simply say nothing further and the customer leaves the store. On reflection, remaining quiet throughout the whole encounter, would have been a far better policy; we live and learn do we not?

“The alternative, to being infected by the attitude of others, is obviously the ability to simply shrug off this kind of encounter. This ability is gained through some very simple understandings.”

Firstly – and staying with the example of my customer – this particular individual had the expectation that the process of collecting a parcel was going to be somewhat problematic. To just throw a barcoded piece of paper on the counter is bound to elicit further questions. I’m unable to read barcodes and the till doesn’t disclose any details when its scanned. It just acknowledges that someone wants to collect a parcel. It’s not until I’ve found the parcel, through eliciting a name, that I can then scan the corresponding barcode. Even then details are not supplied on the till.

So asking for a name was necessary, and would have been, on all the previous problematic encounters they’d had before. ID is also required to ensure the correct person is given the item. All of this is a given, so seeing this process as problematic, is the result of poor expectations. We find what we seek through our expectations.

The second consideration comes in respect of the advice I was given: I should be calmer when dealing with customers. Interestingly enough I woke this morning feeling very calm, carrying out my daily routines in an almost sleepy fashion. Over the years, of filling some of my time doing mundane jobs (bit of a surfers attitude to work these days: it’s a means to life not life itself) I’ve gained the ability to switch off. I do it in my sleep.

“If you’re a calm, unassuming kind of person, you may find yourself the object for other people’s problems. You act as a sounding board. A void to swallow up all the shit from the sewer.”

Potentially, this calm manner, does tend to faze people a little bit, especially if they’re the kind of person who doesn’t deal with stress very well. Anyway, suffice to say, I felt very calm indeed. Who was it that was talking and acting in a stressed, agitated and aggressive manner? That’s right, the customer. So once again we have confirmation of the following philosophy: All Criticism Is Self Criticism. A classic example of the simple psychology of projection.

projection

“A problematic encounter is experienced when we behave aggressively with unrealistic expectations. On an unconscious level, problems may well be what we seek, and have nothing whatsoever to do with those around us.”

In terms of the effort we must exert to have calmer, less stressful encounters with others, we must be prepared to look within. A little effort is required. A little effort to find your inner Gold Please. Relax your package is here.

innergold

  

Advancement

Advancement

“It could be said we’re all advancing. From the moment we’re born, it starts. Be it simply growing or learning, our brains and bodies are developing, we’re advancing”

The question is, to what extent are we advancing compared to others? Of course, comparing ourselves to others, is potentially never a good idea. We’re all different. One person’s view on what it means to grow and advance may differ greatly to another. Just so long as we’re changing and developing, in some fashion, all is well. The point remains though, the quickest development, is the greatest gain.

Life is short. We’re all in a hurry. This isn’t surprising considering the uncertainty of it all. Live the moment. There’s always a bus ready to run you over. You never know what’s around the next corner. You could be dead tomorrow etc., etc.

“With this in mind, let’s also consider the close correlation between the words ‘advance’ and ‘advantage.’ The quicker you advance the greater the advantage”

In this moment now, I believe the quickest, most effective advancement, is to raise awareness. As I experience people, it’s all too obvious to me, many lack self-awareness. When we take a step back and think about the behaviour of some humans, we can see, it’s a lack of self-awareness, that drives their self-destructive patterns. We could say this lack is a form of mental illness.

Now, adding to the array of labels associated with mental illness, isn’t necessarily a good thing, we have plenty already. With so many children craving attention, and the mental health professionals so keen to pander to this through creating new labels, why add to it? Give me a label though, and it makes me feel so, so special. I’m Autistic, Dyslexic, Asperger. Are you? Or are you just a lonely human exhibiting a difference for attention?

“Does giving us labels help with self-awareness? Or do they close us down and give us something to live down to? We could live up to somewhere different. An awareness that gives us advantage”

Once we become aware of limiting behaviour, devoid of a label, we’re more able to change it. Let’s take the limiting thoughts and behaviour related to sexism, bigotry, racism and intolerance. Is it not the case that labelling ourselves may be creating a form of individuality, yet also creating, a separateness? Can we be individuals without others being intolerant? I believe we can through raising awareness.

For example, what’s behind the behaviour of sexism? Why are we intolerant of others? Is it because we’ve given them a label? Does the label mean less or more? Why is there hatred? Raise this: Hatred is a consequence of a lack of self-awareness. We hate what we don’t understand about ourselves, and project it, onto those we’ve labelled.

As children, when the adults around us display their hatred of other humans, we, as sensitive children, take this on, to our ‘selves.’ We only ever hate our selves. This is then projected. Children don’t see differences as occurring outside of themselves, they internalise them, and learn to hate their selves. Get it? The suicide bomber is blowing himself up. Clarity? 

Anyway, we just love our labels, don’t we? Think of this: I’m a Muslim, I’m a Christian, I’ve got a degree, I’m black, I’m White, and on and on we go. What if we removed all of these labels and simply had one? This one: Flawed Human.

There’s no getting away from the fact many want to be seen as better than others. To have the bigger car, more money, a better job, a more loving God and so on, however, the trick, through raising self-awareness, is we begin to see the nonsense of this.

“There is also a paradox to this trick. We need the driving to be better; to be more advanced, in order to want raised awareness. Once we have it though, some become enlightened to our often, ridiculous nature of wanting superiority. A Beautiful Paradox”

Seek the advantage of advancement and discover this Beautiful Paradox for yourself. When you find it you will also find a beautiful freedom. The freedom of Self-Love.

The Chains That Bind Us

theverythings

We must recognise, sometimes it’s the very things we strive for, that are the very things holding us down.

I read recently, once again, that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. We may find ourselves insane from time to time, however, as long as we recognise the error, eventually, we’re progressing. It’s those who fail in this recognition that potentially waste their lives, and a fortune, pursuing something that doesn’t want them.

This something could be a person or potential future. No matter how hard we try and what choices we make, it can be the case, that a certain future just isn’t a possibility. As strange as it may sound, it could well be, that it just isn’t available. The reasons for this can be myriad. Exploring this can also become a bind in itself. Far better, once we’ve recognised the insanity of our situation, to just drop it, and move on. This can take courage.

courage

To recognise that we may have been wrong; that we may have been pursuing the wrong idea, or wrong person for that matter, does take courage. It is only courage though.

Take heart, because once you begin to move away from the insanity of stagnation, you’ll be moving toward the sanity of change. One of the few certainties that’s pointless to try and avoid. Embrace change and never look back.

Letting Go of The Negatives

Target Negativity and Let It Go

Think about dreams. Think about their symbolic nature. More than symbolic, we could even go as far as saying our dreams, are metaphorical.

Dreams are the language of the unconscious. Taking this one step further, what other methods of communication does are unconscious utilise? Our unintentional, or unconscious behaviour, is of course a form of communication to others. So what about the unconscious communication our mind uses, along with dreams, to speak directly to our consciousness? It’s important to consider the symbolic, metaphorical nature, of unconscious communication.

Gilbert Ryle condescendingly referred to René Descartes‘ concept of mind-body dualism as: “The Ghost In The Machine.” It’s also certainly clear to me, no duality exists between body and mind, hence the term ‘bodymind’ found elsewhere, in this blog. As such, when we look closely at this inseparable and complex link, we can safely say, the unconscious communicates in any way it possibly can.

When we see dis-ease as a clear communication from the bodymind, we’re on the right track, to taking full control of our lives. What do you imagine – with everything said so far – is the bodymind looking to communicate, through the dis-ease of cancer? What metaphorical meaning can we attribute to a cell that won’t die; a cell that refuses to stop replicating itself? Can we consider this cells refusal to die, a metaphor, for not letting go? You bet we can.

“It’s important we understand the necessity in letting go of negativity. Repetitive, negative thoughts and memories, are the product of a mind that refuses to let go. We must understand the message our bodymind sends us. Cancer is a clear message: Let go of the negatives from the past.”

Some might say forgiveness is the tool needed for this letting go. I say forget forgiveness, we now have better tools, at our disposal. When we truly let go of the past, forgiveness becomes irrelevant. When we’re able to fully and completely move on, through dropping the past – as you’d drop a piece of rotten wood – we free ourselves of a negative future. That’s right, I repeat: We free ourselves of a negative future.

We can teach you how to use tools that utterly dispose of the self-destructive negatives from your past.

Pinpoint Anger

Anger

What makes you feel angry? What is anger? Do you ever feel angry?

I’ve never considered myself as someone who’s quick to anger. This has not always been the case though, as a much younger man, feelings of anger, were quite common.

“There are times nowadays when I feel like I’ve come full circle. As an older man, I’ve become quick to anger once again, however, there is a difference”

Previously I’ve become enraged and not really fully understood why. When I look back now, I can clearly remember times of anger. From drunken punch-ups in the street, to punching holes in hollow doors, I’ve certainly experienced it. Yet now, I become angry, at very specific things. The anger is controlled (I don’t punch holes in doors) and drink has absolutely nothing to do with it. I no longer do drugs.

To help explain my point, I can share with you an interesting experience I had with anger. It was about six or seven years ago driving home from the airport in the early hours of the morning. I’d just spent a disastrous week away in Croatia with a lady friend of mine.

On the drive I’d nearly fallen asleep several times through exhaustion. On reflection I now understand that I was exhausted through keeping my anger in check. Such was my rage at the time, I worried what might happen, if I let it out. It was important I keep it under control and it was exhausting me.

The lady in question had spent the last few days of the holiday giving me the cold shoulder. The reason for this I’ll explain later, suffice to say her behaviour was irrational and manipulative. In being quiet and aloof, I understood it for what it was: Manipulation. I’d been, and on the drive home, was still being manipulated, through her silence.

“In her state of suppressed anger, my lady friend, instead of having it out with me, so to speak, had decided the best policy, was silence”

To add to this she’d moved out of our hotel room to find a separate one of her own. For the last four days of the holiday it was as if I didn’t exist. The silence in the car on the drive home was just as palpable. I wasn’t going to allow myself to be manipulated and it was exhausting me. Going into a rage would have enabled her to take away my power. I would have been expressing her anger; her fear.  

The whole incident, and reason for the ruined holiday, was a rather off the cuff comment I’d made, about her erratic and extreme reaction to wasps. There were wasps everywhere. Every time one was spotted, my companion would jump around swatting and ducking in a panicked, irrational manner. We couldn’t, at any point on the holiday, eat outside. Not good in a Croatian summer.

My intention all along had been to help put her fear into perspective. So to apologise, for drawing her attention to the irrationality of her behaviour, would have also taken my power. Power she needed to defend her irrational behaviour.

“There is no flaw in being afraid, yet sometimes the fear is irrational. Swat at a wasp, for example, and you’ve more chance of getting stung. Leave it alone and it will do the same. Simple”

Anyway, back to the drive home from the airport. I’ve never experienced fatigue in quite the same way before, or since, this incident. After thinking about this for some time, I now fully understand why. The energy I needed, to hold on to the rage I felt, at being manipulated, was so intense, it was draining me to the point of exhaustion. It’s energy was vast.

Nowadays I have a far better understanding of these things, and so realise, as soon as someone exhibits this kind of behaviour, all I need do, is make them aware of it. Once someone realises you know their game, they tend to give it up, or find another strategy to manipulate you with. What that other strategy might be, is a whole different matter, and subject for another post entirely.

And so, being quick to anger is fine, as long as we understand the reason behind it. When this is the case, we’re better able to direct it at a specific target, in order to protect ourselves and get our needs respected. In other words, and continuing with the example of my holiday, everything could have been quickly resolved, if I’d simply used my anger to confront the situation, head on.

This is the exact dialogue that I ought to have used:

“Your silence is manipulative and I understand your fear.”

Pinpoint anger, is the power to get your needs met. I needed energy to drive us home safely, not to repress my confused rage. Along with that need all I wanted was to drop her off at her flat and never see her again. If I’d crashed the car – something my lady friend had experienced with a previous boyfriend – it could have killed us both.

“Anger, may well be the power to save your life, and that of others”

Let’s hope for some happy summer holidays guys.

An Extraordinary Presence

I often drive down to the car park opposite the beach. It was here, whilst listening to the birdsong in my head, that I thought of you.

Watching the seabirds and surf I thought to myself: it’s true to say, if we’re in love or have ever loved, it never leaves us. It remains an extraordinary presence.

I thought about remembering being lonely. So lonely it ached. At the time, I didn’t even know, the ache I felt, was loneliness. Now, all I need do, is think of you. How you’ve found a way into my mind and settled there, as that constant presence, is what‘s so extraordinary. How did you do that? You did it because you knew I needed to be saved.

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

On reading this you might think these are the words of someone who’s found God. They are not. They are the words of someone who has found their self. This wasn’t possible alone though. He needed assistance.

Because of this, it forms in my mind, that true love, is actually a skill. To lift someone; to pull them up to a higher place, regardless of where you are, is a profound skill. The skill of love. Some might say that this is a natural aspect of human nature and cannot be taught. To this I say: “I can teach you.”

How could I possibly claim to be a teacher of love? I claim this because the ability to teach love, without actually knowing it’s so, is something we’re all capable of. All we need is the desire to empower another human being.

“If you have no wish to empower others, you’re missing out, and will potentially never discover true love within yourself”

Of course how we empower – by what we believe empowerment is – defines the purity of our love. For a rich man to give you money, for example, is no form of empowerment. Even when we’re not particularly wealthy, just giving money, can never be empowerment. If we do this it must be accompanied by the skills required to use that money wisely. Without that, what we achieve is the entrapment of dependency: the opposite of empowerment.

When we think of dependency, it’s possible to understand the power of Christianity. Many are dependent on this version and presence of love. Christians supposedly love Christ, however – and even though they may feel the presence of His love – how they love him back is flawed. How do they empower a dead man?

“The only way to empower a dead man is to respect the memory of His presence. Christians supposedly do this through living by His example. It’s my opinion, as long as there are children suffering in this world, all Christians are being hypocritical”

You might now ask: How can we ever possibly eradicate all the suffering of children? My response is to say, we can’t. However the ability to empower – to love – starts, when, at the very least, we open our eyes to the hypocrisy of religion. For religious leaders, to fail at recognising where our problems lie, is hypocrisy. They’re not doing their duty; their job, as they themselves, have prescribed it.

In addition, whilst any religious leader continues to live in luxury, they continue to fail at their faith. They fail at honouring the memory of their idol, whether that be their particular form of God, or indeed, Jesus.

It’s the same with all religions. The religion is there to serve the individual. If religion was the force for good it’s supposed to be, surely education ought to be the main driving. At one time it was. What was taught back then obviously reflected the times though. Surely, if religion wants to stay relevant, in the 21st century, it needs to get up to date with modern understandings of the human mind. They need to understand where modern man is stumbling. Instead, they continue to reflect this very stumbling, with their own poor communication skills.

“At its root, love depends on communication. If our communication skills are flawed, the message is confused”

It’s no good just saying: ‘I Love You.’ In order to communicate this fully, we must act on our feelings. Like the woman I overheard telling her child ‘I Love You’ and then backing this up by giving her son all of her attention. This happened in a cafe incidentally. The proprietors had the foresight to provide reading material for children. She read to her son, whilst also enjoying the environment, of the cafe.

Most others in the cafe enjoyed the children (calm and entertained) too. I particularly enjoyed witnessing her attentiveness. The empowerment of love, was not only in the words she used, it was also in the communication of her attention. In time when the adult is alone, without his mother, he will remember the attention she gave him, and this may well be enough to take his loneliness away.

How we love each other through empowerment is deeply rooted in how we were (or not as the case may be) empowered in childhood. When we think of religion and how Christianity in particular has created the presence of Jesus as a constant, it’s easy to see the attraction.

“What we must remember though, is the constant presence of love, is only there when we’ve been touched by it; when we understand it”

The child in the cafe was touched by the love of his mother through her giving him time and attention. Religion attempts to do this by teaching us what was shared thousands of years ago. Much of it irrelevant today. To be touched by the empowerment of love, we need to feel that it’s of value, now, today.

Many still need the anchor of their faith. The unfortunate reality of religion though, is many of the lessons are no longer relevant. Their anchor is a poor imitation of love. A true guiding presence is one that is relevant in today’s world.  

On this note, finding love within oneself, is about understanding the mind. It’s about understanding, that as we grow, their are aspects of the mind that never die. The may get quieter, even to the point of not being heard at all, yet they never fully go away. Adults that were lonely children, for example, will always remain lonely (no matter what) until they understand what it is they were lonely from: the self.

It may seem odd to say we can be lonely from ourselves and yet this is exactly the case. So many of the difficulties we experience are due to a lack of this self-awareness. We constantly look around for something that will fill this void. Be it other people, drink, drugs or anything that will sufficiently distract us from ourselves.

“Sitting in the quiet is likely to be the hardest thing for the lonely to endure”

A lonely person sitting in the quiet is likely to become increasingly uncomfortable. They begin to struggle with the feelings their mind creates, yearning for the love and attention missing from their lives; their childhoods. Anything to get away from those feelings.

Once we’re made fully aware, of what we are in fact committing to as parents, childhood suffering will diminish. I can’t see religion helping with this anytime soon, what I can see though, is an educational programme that gently teaches the skills of love through empowerment. This will only ever be achieved through clear and clean example from the living, never the dead.

We may feel the presence of love, from those we’ve loved and lost, but the dead can’t evolve any further than the point and time at which they died. Something the religious choose to overlook. Let’s open our eyes and evolve.

Pegasus Brought Down By a Bird

“It true to say it’s often the little things that can defeat the mighty and powerful”

The elitist with their superior intellect, vast wealth and cunning ways, are often exposed by the detail. Small, simple understandings, shared by those with good intentions, will often bring down the exploitative takers.

Consider the inequality of sexism, still so prevalent, in the world today. So ingrained into society is this, that it seems an almost insurmountable task to change it. Although it may seem this way, steadily, over time, it is changing. Exposing the detail is key. Transparency paramount.

Take intellectual elitism. If we want our children to do well in life we send them to schools and academies. We seek out the best of these and hope for college or university later on. After all, the best jobs are reserved for those who’ve proved themselves worthy, through gaining good qualifications.

“Although we see the sense in further education, this doesn’t automatically mean, we must also gain a superior attitude.”

Further to this, we might want to compare an educated man, to someone who has no academic qualifications at all. A man who lives in a beautiful part of the world, earning his living walking the streets, picking up rubbish all day. Is he happy? Well, he lives a very simple life, with expectations on life, relative to his income, so we could easily say yes, he’s happy. It’s all relative.

Could we say that this man is unintelligent? Or would it be better to say he’s the one who’s actually getting it right, having the full measure of elitism and the elitist intellectuals, with their fragile egos? When he retires, in eighteen months time, he’s going to buy and live on a boat. Will he be on his holidays and they doing their rounds?

“It’s all in the small, simple, detail you see. With all these people reaching for the top, by over-complicating an already over-complicated world, we can easily get lost. Keeping it simple means we keep an eye on the thing that really matters: Loving each other”

Finding a state of mind, where we’re no longer struggling for the top – playing the games of the fragile ego – means we easily find contentment and happiness. When we understand all the unnecessary nonsense, played out by our warring egos, we come to realise how we waste so much of our lives.

Stepping out of the games enables us to see a better way to live. Simple, humble and unassuming, are the qualifications for a better life. Stop the war and enjoy your life.