Personal Development – The Rise of Emotional Maturity

“The majority of us have something specific we want to be good at. This, of course, is where the personal element of Personal Development comes into play”

Let’s say your goal was Emotional Maturity. It’s certainly a grand goal to have, and one that benefits not only the individual, but society as a whole. Becoming emotionally mature assists your life and the lives of many. Just being around someone who has this development in mind is a refreshing and beneficial place to be.

From our standpoint, emotional maturity, is based on wholeness. Wholeness is achieved through raised awareness of the self and drivings. Emotional maturity has been achieved, when our drivings become less self-centered, and more concerned with the greater good. This is a fabulous marker for recognising our own maturity. What are your true motivations?  

“Setting great examples to those around us is also an indication of our emotional maturity”

There is so much we can do, that sets great example, to demonstrate this. Take for example picking up rubbish from the streets. If we do this angrily, looking to shame the litter bugs, it defeats the objective. Alternatively, picking up after others, then calmly placing it in bins, sets good example. We’re able to do this when guided by a maturity that understands this kind of behaviour also gets noticed. And better still, it gets noticed, in a positive light. It’s setting this type of good example that makes the difference to those who are less mature than ourselves. They need our positive influence.

To continue with the emotion of anger, as example for a moment, we can know that becoming angry, through the inconsiderate and unthinking behaviour of others, is only useful when directed in a constructive way. It’s only when we direct our annoyance – away from the unthinking child – but at the root of the problem (immature parenting) will we effect change. Emotional maturity dictates we do this, not by shouting and blaming, but through understanding.

To explain further, let’s bring things down another level: What is at the root of immature parenting? Statistics give us a clue to this. Birth rates amongst the poorest in society are on the rise. Why is this? The belief that lack of money equals lack of opportunity may well have a bearing on this. An unthinking attitude to life – only barely self-aware, and as such subservient to our instinctive drivings – obviously limits our options and opportunities.

“It’s not the amount of money we have that dictates this, it’s whether or not we’re able to see the alternatives, through being shown good example”

It is possible to live a full, creative and happy life, without being wealthy? Indeed it is, and all we need now, are more people setting good example of how this is done. Emotional maturity is the start and a prerequisite to all of the above.   

The True Love of Advancement

True Purpose

Advancement

“Advancement is a true expression of love”

When we look closely, at the advancement and development of ourselves, we recognise this as a true expression of self-love. When we love ourselves we automatically pass this love on to future generations.

By taking the time to look within, and advance as human beings, we not only enhance the quality of our own lives, we enhance the lives of all those who experience us. The most direct influence we have is on our own offspring.

“We can break free from ignorance by exposing the unknown aspects of our minds. It’s only fear that prevents us from advancing to heights we previously never dreamed possible”  

Nowadays money can buy us anything, even new life. It’s perfectly acceptable to marry your same sex partner and then buy yourselves a baby. You might think this okay, however, we must see the dangers in being raised by those who believe they ‘own’ us. If we’ve been bought, surely it follows we’re owned. We can ask: what adaptations do the children of parents, who’ve taken ownership of them, (even when money hasn’t changed hands) need to make, in order to get their needs met, throughout life? An interesting question is it not?

Some might see gay couples buying babies as advancement and not a muddying of the waters at all. Let’s make it clear, it’s not being gay that’s the danger, it’s being owned that most definitely is. Slaves were owned. There can be no advancement in this being considered the norm. 

“How is it we’re prepared to buy babies and yet reluctant to pay for the advancement of our minds? Are we fearful of what we might find? Of course we are”

It’s a special minority of people who choose advancement through knowing themselves better. A special minority who are prepared to cast light into the darkness. Ultimately, it will be these people who move us forward as a species.

The True Love of Advancement

It’s freedom from the suppression of ignorance that brings true happiness, never money. There’s no freedom of choice in that, just conditioning. Buying children is simply a belief that we’re all entitled to have anything we want, even if this is at the expense, of ignoring their rights. There is no self-love in that. There is plenty of self-centeredness though. Self-centeredness is the tendency to not look beyond our own happiness and see the bigger picture for others.

Alternatively, those who take the journey toward finding wholeness, benefit everyone. This journey does involve accepting that there are parts of our minds we remain ignorant to. When we overcome the fear of this knowledge wholeness takes a huge step closer.

A whole human being would never expect to find happiness through buying a baby, but would expect better, from their fellow man. Perhaps, when we start seeing the fetus as having rights, we will extend these rights to future generations too.

Guilt and Hotspots (the empowerment conflict)

In a post entitled Ahhhhhhh… got me again! One of our members enlightened us to someone who enjoyed humiliating men. We’re glad to report that he hasn’t yet murdered her, however, if he’s allowed to stew much longer, we fear the worst. So with this in mind, we’re going to help him understand the, ‘for some strange reason’ of his predicament a little better.

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Hotspots!

We all have hotspots. That is to say, we all have some unresolved issues, buried deep within us, that others inadvertently tap into from time to time. If you haven’t yet read the post in question, then please do, and we’ll see you on your return.

Okay, welcome back. Now, as our member mentioned, he fully realises the issues Jilly potentially carries around with her, to include: loneliness, lack of confidence, love and a tendency to get off on humiliating people. A defence mechanism (or means to get people to reject her) no doubt taught her by the adults around her during childhood. What our member must also realise (to stave of the desire for murder) is that during his childhood he will of also witnessed those around him experiencing humiliation.

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Stock Humiliation

Perhaps mother humiliated father, or the other way round, and he, as a sensitive child, also felt this. Perhaps this humiliation went further and he also experienced it from his peers. Unable to defend himself, as a child, whenever similar feelings are aroused within him, as an adult, anger is the result (outward expression of fear). It would seem the inability to defend himself against humiliation is still prevalent, resulting in, (dramatic drum roll please) murder in mind. It has been known for passive-aggressive people to resort to murder when their ‘kettle-boils-over,’ so to speak. Oh we hope we’ve saved you Jilly, you poor, lonely lass.

Finding hotspots, through the annoying traits of loveless people, can be a bit of a double edged sword; an empowerment conflict. We want to hate them, and we even harbour murderous thoughts, yet the fact remains, they’ve taught us something very useful and empowering about ourselves. They’ve raised to the surface some unresolved issue from our childhood, and once we’ve dealt with this, there can only be healthy repercussions.

Healthy, because the more we know about ourselves, the more we’re able to find calm peace of mind. Peace of mind can only be found when we’re one with ourselves; when we’re whole. So, Dear Mr Angry member, Jilly is a blessing to you my friend, so please don’t kill her.

When it comes to issues of unresolved guilt – and because we’re in a generous mood today – the conflict here is, that fully understanding the negative destructiveness of guilt, actually leaves us feeling a little frightened.

Frightened, because to suggest repressed guilt, increases our chances of becoming ill prematurely, and further suggests we have no choice. The reality is the opposite. If we were to give you examples of how guilt has led to cancer you would refuse to believe us (yet be assured there are many), so we’re not going to do that. What we will do though, is help you understand this: when we take responsibility for how we create our own disease – through repressing our guilt – we actually empower ourselves through increased choice.

“The guilt is the root – and the unhealthy lifestyle – the mechanism by which we’re shortening our lives.”

Even though this is the case, we could also give you examples of people who’ve died through repressing guilt, who actually led reasonably healthy lives. We’ll give you just one example to ponder on. You may remember this person: Jade Goody. Think about how long it took for her to die after the world taught her to feel guilty about her racism, bigotry and ignorance; racism and bigotry she will have been taught in childhood from those around her. If our parents were racist, there is a strong likelihood that on some level, we will be too. Many cancers are rooted in our childhood experiences, and to face this as fact, can be a very frightening reality.

“Therefore it’s much easier for us to see cancer as something that is beyond our control, with its roots lying anywhere other, than within our own bodyminds.”

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The current trend for researchers, geneticists and scientists to seek the cure for cancers – and many other diseases for that matter – as being rooted in understanding and changing our genes, is in fact correct, but only when we also see our genes, as something inherited through the bodymind link, and our life-experiences.

Those around us always hold the key to understanding ourselves better. Humans really do need each other, and the more annoying, the better. So get out there!

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Willfulness and The disease of Frustration

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Examining the Evidence: Wilfulness

As a toddler, Sarah was a very wilful little person, and her mother wouldn’t tolerate it: “I’ll not put up with this little madame trying to rule my life” her mother would say.

Over time, a battle of wills developed between mother and daughter. Sarah’s handicap would prove to be her size, for being young, meant there really wasn’t much choice as to who had their way. Frustration, would build and build inside the little girl, as her will was constantly countermanded by her mother.

Such is the nature of the unconscious mind, that we’re often unaware of our behaviour. This is especially true when we’re young. Self-awareness is certainly something that better develops as we age. Having said this, perhaps the situation, between mother and daughter, would not have got so out of hand, if mother had been just slightly more self-aware.

The buildup, resulting from her will being constantly crushed, meant Sarah unconsciously needed a solution. Meal times were proving especially difficult for mother, as Sarah had started to become an extremely fussy eater. Meal times would go on for hours as her mother tried desperately to cajole her daughter into finishing her food. During these times, Sarah would feel less frustration and her mother, more. It would seem, her unconscious, was finding a cure.

As the years went on, Sarah became less wilful and the battle between mother and daughter, had pretty much reached an impasse. There didn’t seem to be much love between them. What had developed a greater ferocity though, was her relationship with food. To cut a long story short, she hardly ate anything at all; she had developed Anorexia Nervosa. Sarah was starving herself to death.     

There’s no doubt children can be very wilful. Human beings in general have extraordinary willpower. Consider what we humans can, and do achieve, when we really put our minds to it. And there is the key: our minds. Our minds are so powerful, that when pointed in the correct direction, with the correct motivation, we’re able to achieve greatness over and over again. All throughout history there is evidence of this.

There is an important proviso here: our minds must be whole. In other words, we must have congruence between the conscious and unconscious parts of our mind. There must be no disease that our mind has found to cure us (take a moment with this). The solutions the mind finds to cure us are often the disease that kills us. Our unconscious mind is not in the position to question the validity of its solutions – it is not conscious – and therefore, will simply respond to what makes us feel more in control, and less frustrated.

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“Our will must be given healthy development through being given freedom, direction, purpose and the understandings borne of love. In the case of Sarah, a few ingredients were missing, from this important chemistry.”

The trouble with control, is it’s often our will, that requires it. Without control we feel frustration. This frustration is the true disease. A deadly disease when we’re not allowed to express it, and double-deadly, when our unconscious finds a solution to rid us of it. Control over food, and her mother at the dinner table, was an effective method of removing the frustration Sarah felt; at last her will had control of something: her eating.

The ingredients we needed to find, for Sarah to be well, was a direction and purpose for her will. She needed to find something to direct her thoughts toward, that were a distraction from food and eating. Her will needed a different purpose; she needed a purpose other than the one that was killing her.

Of course prevention is always better than cure, and the easy fix, would have been for mother to relinquish control. Emotional maturity helps us understand the importance of children winning the battle; it takes an adult to succeed at playing out this little game successfully.

The other part of this fix comes when a child is given direction and purpose, through witnessing parents, who also have this. Parents must understand how to successfully manage their will and that of our children’s. There’s no battle (of wills) when we all have our strength and determination pointed in the same direction.

“After all, the proof of our powerful will is in the pudding, when we see that when misdirected, it can take our lives, right from under our noses.”

Point your will in the correct direction, and find a way to understand how to create rounded, beautiful lives, full of love, direction and purpose. Our children are depending on it.

Create Beautiful Partnerships.

The Cycle of Your Mind

“Understanding and acknowledging the processes of your mind frees you. It frees you, because you cease looking to change a process, that to some degree, is unchangeable when we’ve inadequate resources to do so.”

In other words, wanting to feel different when down is pointless. All we need do, is allow the mind to cycle through its natural processes, and unwanted feelings will change with time. Put yet another way, endure and experience the whole range of your emotions – the mind must cycle through – and all will come good in time. Endure.

Changing or creating extremes of emotions with drugs – prescription or rec-reational – is only putting off the minds need to experience emotions that have the purpose of healing. The ultimate outcome of using drugs, to create a more favourable mood and cycle, is only a means of deferment. We only ever defer emotions the mind needs to experience for healing to take place.

“The mind is constantly seeking wholeness. We’re unwholesome as long as we look to defer our emotions. Simple. So stop with the drugs will y’all.”

The cycles of emotions we all experience differ from individual to individual. Some of us wake each day with only slight variations in how we feel. Although slight, this is still cycling, just less obvious than the individual, who wakes each morning, not knowing whether they’re coming or going.

Cycling through emotions is created through the tiring effect of our beliefs. Just as with a muscle, it’s impossible for the mind to hold on indefinitely, to one believe, it tires, and moves on to another, and another, and so on. Imagine waking up everyday thinking that life is meaningful, full of love and happiness; one day it may be, but the next, life can be just as easily seen as a struggle full of sadness, pain and fear. Here’s the trick though: when we rid ourselves of the negative, we’re enabling the mind to cycle from positive to positive. Our beliefs will not be the same from day to day, yet we will be cycling from one set of positive, uplifting beliefs, to another.

braincycleSome of us have belief cycles that take months or even years to complete. These individuals may feel fine for six months and then inexplicably fall into the abyss of despair. During this time of despair, the mind is cycling through sets of belief systems, it must experience, in order to find wholeness. When we look to defer these emotions we do ourselves a great disservice. To endure all of our emotions is to be accepting and loving of ourselves. No one said love would be easy.

Time is something we need to be aware of. Time is not always on our side, and so imagine being able to reach in, and find the beliefs it could take months or even years for the mind to reveal with time alone. These are the skills and resources you must seek to help your clients find wholeness within the time available. More time whole, is more time, fully living.

GOLD Counselling is the technique by which we reach within, find our negative beliefs, question and remove them psychotherapeutically. We free ourselves of these beliefs, firstly by acknowledging their existence, purpose and birthplace, and secondly, by understanding their irrelevance in the present moment.     

There is no lack when we believe

It’s Hard to Believe

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“What would you say is hard to believe? Would you say it’s hard to believe there’s happiness in life, without the things we use to create it?”

For example, how can we live life without the emotional games we play, or the drugs we take, or the possessions we own? Is it hard to believe a life without these things?

What if our relationships were smooth and flowing, full of change, excitement, understanding, compassion and love? Would we find it hard to believe we had found such a thing? What if our life were filled with satisfaction in our work? What if life was filled with satisfaction and happiness in our home lives? Would it all just be too much, and too hard to believe?

“You may think there are far too many questions in those last two paragraphs, and so to a few explanations, and potentially, some answers.”

Imagine for a moment you believed all of the above were possible: the compassionate, loving relationships. The fulfilling work life. The fulfilling home life. A fulfilling life without drugs, without overeating, without the need for the amount we seek. In order for these things to become reality, and stay a stable reality at that, we do need to believe they’re possible.

Those who struggle to find this stability and happiness may think they believe it’s possible, yet at far deeper levels, their minds hold beliefs that jeopardise this stability and happiness.

“A restlessness is created through what this deeper part finds hard to believe.”

To explain, imagine a person who feels constant dissatisfaction in most, if not all, aspects of his life. Something many of us can no doubt relate to, is the feelings associated with dissatisfaction, and frustration. And so imagine this person who continues to feel this sense of dissatisfaction and frustration, no matter what successes, accomplishments and achievements he finds. How can we explain this?

“One way to help explain this is through understanding lack, and more specifically, lack of belief.”

When our minds don’t actually hold beliefs, at the deeper, unconscious levels, that instruct us to feel complete, happy or satisfied with what we have in life, then frustration and dissatisfaction is the result. We then continue to grasp and reach out for more in the hope we will find this elusive happiness, and satisfaction. When it comes to drugs, money and possessions, these are simply used as a means of calming and comforting the dissatisfied mind, if only for a while.

What if we held the belief: I am complete.

Or: I am whole.

Would this help do you think? There is strong evidence to suggest that wholeness (an acceptance of all aspects of life and our human selves) is in fact what we’re seeking through our excessive consumption. We’re constantly looking to find satisfaction (completeness, wholeness) through external trappings because we lack the above beliefs.

Think about this belief: There is nothing I want that will make me happy.

And then add this: Happiness is a state of mind I can achieve without want.

Now the cruncher: Imagine being taught this by parents as a child.

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When you come to truly understand the power of belief, you’ll understand how it is there are happy people who have, nothing. They are out there. Could you find such a state of mind? Is it that hard to believe?

king and queen

Be a King never a Pawn

king or queen of love

“Would you like to know how? Would you like me to share with you a simple formula for becoming the king and ruler of your domain? It’s so simple, that at first, you may not believe me.”

The rules, or formula, have in fact been given us some years ago, it’s just unfortunate that we’ve forgotten them. So when reminded, it’s as if we already knew, as it seems so damn obvious. It may well seem obvious, and yet it’s important, we never allow the following to escape us again.

Have no fear now. Never fear that which will change your life for the better.

“Now, it starts with knowing your own mind. Trusting your instincts and having the strength to go with them;  allowing them to guide you.”

Secondly, never make the mistake of letting fear be your master. We may make snap decisions that are not properly thought through, and are made simply because it would make life seem easier, and less of a struggle. Life is struggle, yet it’s the periods of rest inbetween, that make the struggle worthwhile. For without the struggle, without the effort, nothing seems worthwhile.

“Those who have, what we may see as blessed, easy lives, often have the biggest struggle of all: gaining sense of purpose. Think of the British royal family, every day, they must have an almighty struggle, with understanding their purpose. Or do they?”

Your purpose is to evolve. To become more than the sum total of your experiences and beliefs. To move beyond fear. To move beyond the tendency toward settling for the easiest rout. To move beyond, limiting, childhood programming and conditioning. Finding the rout that offers you the greatest challenge – believe it or not – will always be the one that brings the greatest pleasure, and the greatest rewards.

Thirdly, gain the ability to take good advice from your elders. This advice may not seem of value when first given, yet time will tell, that those who have experienced their own difficulties are – on the whole – looking to save you from much of the hardships and suffering, they now know and understand, could have been avoided.

“Challenge does not necessarily equal suffering and hardships. Challenge is something that lifts and enlivens.”

And now we come to some further very important understandings. Contentment comes when we fully understand how we fight against it and ourselves. Contentment comes when we understand: all we give, is what we have. Be this anger, fear, hatred or the control of others, we only ever get back from others, that which we give.

So the alternative, and surest way to find contentment, is to only ever give love; this is the challenge; this is the struggle you must endure. We must endure this, find this and understand it, before we can find wholeness.

“Being your true self and becoming a whole person is quest enough when we think about it.”

If all we humans sought, was the goal of becoming the love that we are, our purpose here would be done. Suffering, hardship and pain may continue to be part of life, and yet we’d understand it, to the point of embracing it, in order to find our freedom.

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To close, the biggest most precious thing we can all do right now, is to simply love one another. We do this by asking ourselves this one important question: How can I empower my fellow man now? When we all know and understand the importance of this question, there will be no pawns, just the King and Queen of love.