“I think back to my earlier life and I wonder what would have motivated me to attend a workshop that taught me about beliefs and relationships.”
The honest truth is, it’s highly unlikely I’d have found the reason, my attention was mainly fixed on improving my situation; believing my girlfriend and future wife needed security and a man who was a provider. I believed she was attracted to money I needed to earn it.
“From very meagre beginnings (semi-illiterate on leaving school) I strived to retrain and find better paid work. Being a fairly shallow young man, provided there was enough sex, I felt my relationship was okay.”
I did as much as I could to care for my girlfriend and make her happy. Due to my background I believed my role was to care for my girlfriend almost as if she was a dependent. Little did I know at the time, dependency was in fact the attraction. Her mother was an old fashioned dependent housewife and that was ultimately the aim of my girlfriend: to become as dependent as her mother. Daughters often become their mothers. I remember thinking, even at the time, that her mother seemed nervy and slightly neurotic; the outcome of a dependent life.
“In time, I rejected all the emotionally dependant people from my life (luckily children weren’t involved) as on some level I realised, that the model of behaviour (caring for the emotional wellbeing of others) taught me in childhood, was of no real value to anyone (disempowering) and definitely not a recipe for happiness.”
As hard as I may have tried, I never fully managed to break from the model of caring for others, because I didn’t fully understand how and why I was doing it. All I knew, was that after a short time in a relationship, I’d reject it, as the vampires became close and emotionally dependent on me.
If we offer a human being a shortcut out of their responsibilities, they will nearly always take it. We must remember: we’re drawn to people on many different levels, and those seeking this way out would be extremely attractive to me; mostly on an unconscious level of course.
“This human tendency, toward taking shortcuts, is the main reason for my suspicion of our modern health care systems today.”
Many doctors, nurses and all manner of health care professionals, have simply become surrogate parents for those who lacked parental care during their childhood. The human mind will crave this kind of love if not provided when needed. The transition from childhood to adulthood is assisted when the kind of love we experience evolves. If all we seek is a caring love, that belongs in childhood, we then remain stuck. This has the effect of weakening society as a whole. Why do we imagine our healthcare system is creaking at the seams?
“The troubles of the NHS can’t be all about money, much of it is due to the unnecessary demand brought on by needy, dependent adult-children, whose body-minds have found the ultimate solution to receiving a caring love: illness.”
“And so, in a sense, attendance on a workshop when young would have been like jumping into a time machine showing me the dangers of the path I was about to follow. The question remains though: what would have motivated me to go an a self-development workshop when my mind was elsewhere?”
I suppose the answer to that question lies in belief: I would have needed to believe in someone who introduced such an education to me. There would have also needed to be some kind of hook that appealed to my young mind. No doubt the prospect of a less tormented life, and being shown the example of a life filled with love and joy, would have motivated me to think again. At the time though, no such educational programme excised, it does now. Think again?